On staying home, and never being able to drive

Last night I slept horribly, woke up with a headache, and it's raining. Not only that, I felt no impetus to go out and distribute some Bibles - so I'm staying home. I figure God wants me busy tomorrow. I am feeling an impulse to bag up yet more Bibles, which is a lot of fun for me anyway. I'll just store them in one of my giant Sam's Club tote bags.

I'm completely honest when I say I'm still aggravated about losing that money, but flogging myself won't make it come back. If God wants me to have it, I'll find it. Otherwise I just keep telling myself I dropped it out in public and some desperate person found it. I have found over $100 out in public - $20 here, $60 there, just lying in front of me. So, maybe it was my turn to pay into the fund.

Anyway, [shrug], enough about things I can't change. The headache is dissipating thanks to my trusty Tylenol-Asprin duo (one of each). Thank you, God. I still have a good amount, too, and eventually my Feverfew and Butterbur will come - herbal remedies with a proven track record of preventing migraines. I know for a fact, the Feverfew works great for me. I take it, I don't get headaches. To rehash an old line, I'd rather have a headache than depression, though. I'm happy to have a headache instead, I just hope I can eliminate that, too.

I read an article in the paper, Dear Abby column. Mom is too old to drive, what do I do? I'm scared she'll kill someone. I got to thinking, "normal" people always have an absolutely terrible time, when they can't drive anymore.

People are so HORRIFIED when I tell them I can't drive - they look at me with pity. For them, that would be the worst thing ever. For me, things are different.

I have had the long-held theory that it is far better to be born with a disability, than to lose an ability and have to adapt. My husband, born blind, gradual onset of nerve deafness until he is moderately "Hard of Hearing" - but when he needs to use both hands, and can't, thanks to the stroke, he gets very impatient. He remembers the days when he could use both hands, and it upsets him.

I don't mourn or miss the fact that I could never drive. For me, getting into a car and driving somewhere is like getting into a spaceship and flying away - it's fiction. I never had it, I never will. When I was a kid, it was walk, or be driven. When I was a teenager and a young adult, it was bus, walk, bike, or be driven. However, everyone has a little gadget now - GPS, cell phones, etc. I don't feel safe riding a bike, and I don't even own one. Besides, no health insurance, I'm the caregiver, I'm the brawn at work, we can't afford to take any chances I could go "down".

So now, it's bus, be driven, or walk. I don't live far from a bus stop. Far enough that I will never attempt to carry a 20 pound case of Bibles home again, but short enough that I can leave the house pretty close to the pickup time. I'm even a timepoint, on the schedule. MY bus runs often; without relating too many details I can say it's nicely frequent.

My connecting bus, works great. It's easy to get from one stop to the other, it runs often, and the drivers are very nice. Yes, I get hassled by what my Dad always called "Bums", but I'm used to that. My husband used to work in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco, where you calculate the homeless per block. Simple, don't look at them, and shake your head no if they get your attention. He worked there for 6 years, I used to meet him after work. The bus stop to go home was by an empty lot filled with rats. You could hear and see them moving, not far from the bus stop. That wins the worst bus stop ever award.

I don't have any rat-infested bus stops in Houston. I have access to downtown buses that get me there "right quick". I have local buses that stop at interesting ethnic grocery stores. I have a discount fare card thanks to my doctor. I can legally carry pepper spray for protection. I know some basic rules of personal safety, due the nice lady who came out to my suburban elementary school. Don't carry a big bag - well, I do, but it's full of Bibles. Look around, be aware, don't act like a victim. Carry a shoulder bag and wear it across your body, so Thug Boy can't try to snatch it off!

Anyway, I depend on the public transit system and it very seldom fails me. Last summer I waited over an hour at one stop, allegedly two buses broke down, one right after the other. Hmmmm. But that's only memorable because it happened once. Generally, I go outside, sit down, and after a while here comes the bus.

I pack a very relaxed attitude, sometimes people ask me when the bus is coming and I always want to say "When It Wants to". Some routes, just run late. It's not going to come at 10:23, every time. It may be 10:30. So what? But a lot of car people get really agitated.

All of my drivers, every single one, have been warm, kind, friendly, and professional. They are delighted with the little treats I hand out and happy to see me. I wouldn't have that, if I were driving.

I have never been in a serious accident, either. I was in a minor fender bender riding in my Dad's car, as a child. He was driving a huge, heavy, car. The other car took the damage. I've been in two fender benders riding Metrolift - one was the driver's fault, and one was the fault of a tailgater. No real damage in either case.

I think most 35-year olds would have been in at least one major car wreck by now, but not me, because I don't drive. I only ride with professional drivers, 99% of the time.

I don't have to watch the road, either. I can look around at everything around me. I enjoy that. Just as I enjoy climbing on a deliciously frigid bus after a long wait at the bus stop in the summer. Houston has the COLDEST buses - so refreshing.