So, you're bipolar

For years I searched for answers - tormented by the demons in my head. One day, I got an answer, "Bipolar".

I thanked God I had an answer, and hope for a future without the demons. I could treat this.

I did a lot of research, spent a lot of money, and finally dug up some answers. I'd like to share them with you, and won't it be nice to get some advice without me trying to sell you pills?

1. Yes, it sucks. What sucks even more is that you'll have this illness for your whole life. It will get better and worse, but you'll always have it. You need to accept that, scream, curse, cry, scream some more, cry, and accept it.
2. Because this is a lifelong illness, you will ALWAYS need medication. This isn't a migraine, where you take medication and stop when you feel better. You will only feel OK BECAUSE of the medication, and the second you stop it will come roaring back, demons and all.
3. Where did I get it? In my case, it was genetic. Both sides of my family have severe mood disorders, looking at the statistics, I had a 3-to-1 chance of developing either bipolar disorder or depression. My maternal grandmother had some kind of reality disorder so I also have psychotic features. Some people can have a perfectly healthy family tree and just get it, and in the case of identical twins, only 80% of identical twins get it - and they share identical DNA. So, I'd say mostly genetic, with a big splash of "Who knows"?
4. Does being bipolar mean I'll act "crazy" now? It depends. Some people have a very mild form, and only they can notice the mood shifts. Other people like me can act absolutely nuts. It depends on how quickly you are diagnosed and how responsible you are about taking your medication.
5. Medication - you ABSOLUTELY need to take it every day. You need to treat it the way you would heart medication - if you miss a dose, you'll die. You cannot afford to be irresponsible now - trust me, this illness is major. It is the biggest, hardest battle you will ever fight, and it's lifelong. Do yourself and your loved ones the favor of making sure you take your medication in a timely manner so you'll be your best. What soldier would go off to war without any weapons? That's just STUPID.
6. Yes, it is completely normal to go through a period of hating your medication, even though it does make you feel better. You'll have side effects (suck it up!). You'll have financial expenses. Your life may begin to feel like it revolves around "Pill time". Stick to your routine, and hang in there. For instance, when I started my Wellbutrin I went through 2 months of severe nausea, and a month of hot flashes. I stuck it out because nothing is worse than depression (the mean scary stuff where my own brain hates you and wants me dead).
7. TALK ABOUT IT. I get angry when I think about this one; all the years of silent misery, being "shushed' every time I tried to talk about the hallucinations - pretty soon I just shut up. No one wanted to hear it. Now, your spouse may not be the best person, but you never know. Ron is surprisingly supportive when I tell him about the "crazy" things - the invisible bugs on my leg, hearing things, and smelling things. I was even able to tell him about the visual hallucinations and the time I saw, felt, and heard the flying sauceers in my bedroom. Are you hearing things? Tell your doctor. Are you thinking about suicide more? Tell your doctor. Are you spending all your spare cash, and some of the bill money, too quickly? Tell your doctor. They can do a medication tune up and they can only do that IF YOU TELL THEM.
8. If you are having symptoms, and thinking "Maybe I should tell Doc" then odds are you should. I remember the first time I did that. I was getting more and more manic. I kept thinking maybe I should tell Doc. Maybe. I finally made the call and he wanted to see me THE NEXT DAY. It was a lot more serious than I had thought, and a simple medication tune up fixed it all.
9. Don't get frustrated if it takes a while to get the right medications. It was a good 2 years before I got on a medication routine that worked for me - a year later, I developed a life-threatening allergy to the antidepressant! Talk about discouraging! Completely allergic to my antidepressant! Then I got mugged! Doc and I found a good new one that works great, but I expect in the future we may need to do more tune-ups.
10. This is MY blog, and MY advice, so I will say this very loudly: FORGET ABOUT ALCOHOL. No more partying. If you want a loving family and healthy relationships, it's best to skip the alcohol completely. I have had experience with not one, but TWO different family members: both drank, and both had very poor experiences. ALCOHOL RUINS THE MEDICATION. For whatever reason, it seems to completely counteract all the medication - leaving you more of a mess than before. I don't know anyone who enjoys being sick, persecuted by demons living in their head. If you can't stop drinking, go on Antabuse. They created it for a reason. Alcohol will only make the bipolar symptoms worse, and does make it worse. I keep hearing from freinds, family, and my doctor that "I'm doing so well" - I mention I don't drink and my doctor nods wisely. LEARN. LEARN from this pain. Alcohol makes it WORSE.
11. If you have a family member with bipolar disorder, and they are doing well ON MEDICATION, then TALK TO THEM. I learned, for instance, that my mother did well on lithium. I was able to go to my doctor and say "I'd like lithium". It's worked VERY well for me as a mood stabilizer; and it wouldn't have been doc's first choice. If I have any biological family members who develop the illness, I can tell them "Lithium-Wellbutrin" and it will probably work very well. Another good reason it's important to be open about your illness.
12. Don't EVER let anyone talk you into going off your medication. It could kill you, or ruin your life. Say you get manic - whenever I was manic I wanted to speed. Once, when manic, I was driving a car. I was going about 80 and I was about to take a sharp turn. I wasn't medicated at the time. I could have killed 3 people or even more. I wasn't diagnosed yet, didn't HAVE medication - but that's not the point. Off the meds, I could be a killer. I don't want to be that person.
13. It's not all bad. We have some amazing attributes. We're caring, creative, hearty souls who love adventure. I married a blind man in a wheelchair, and I'm glad I did. We're fiercely passionate. We care deeply and that's a very good thing. I channel my passions into educating people about this illness, de-stigmatizing mental illness, and sharing my faith. You can use this for good. Do it.