So tempting to have a pity party

When things are really hairy in my life, I try to be extra thankful, literally thanking God for everything I can. Thank you for the headache, Lord. Thanks for my husband cursing me out. Thanks for me riding the bus home, and thanks for using me to hand out Driver candy to them. Thanks for the sunshine and breeze as I waited at the bus stop. Thanks for the sandals; they didn't tear up like my feet like I feared as I walked home from the bus stop. Thanks for my husband avoiding me - I know it could be a lot worse. Thanks for the MP3 music, my computer, internet connection, and the fact that I'm not having a bipolar brain melt. Thanks for my medications.

You get the idea. Oh, yeah, and thanks for the fat black kitty hiding under a bush in my yard, and thanks for the yard.

A lot of Christians go into the "flesh" the selfish desires we all have. The "flesh" wants to whine and complain, work up a nice bitter over everything. AGH - earworm. I downloaded a Bollywood tune - it's cute but it gets stuck in my head lately. So, [shrug] the self wants a pity party.

That's not what God wants for me. Yes, I lost $140 this week. I did get some of it back (Ron gave me some cash last night before he was -that- this morning), but when I lose money I brood! Yes, I often wake up with NASTY headaches - pretty much a couple days a week. I did today. I hate that. I hate having a cocktail I take - one asprin, one tylenol, diet soda. But I'm thankful for it, and I'm thankful it almost always works!

Regarding the money, I have given up looking for it. I asked God to make it obvious if He decides to return it to me. I've decided that I lost it out in public. Some poor, deseperate soul begged God for help, and then found it. [smile] It makes me feel better about it; because the money belongs to God anyway.

It's easy to get bitter and resentful about my marriage. I feel as though all I've done is give, requiring very little in return. When I'm angry, I never curse or name-call. I try to state my gripe clearly. If I'm really upset, I go for a walk or something. Why can't I GET that? Why do I have to live with a husband who does not value or respect me?

Well, I did choose him. I believed he married me accepting my limitations. I was wrong. Now we have to figure out where to go from here.