I should make a video blog about this, but I won't.

 Too painful.  

I took a photo yesterday

Not bad, I thought, but I could use some lipstick.  But my lipstick is packed up at home.  However, I work at a Walmart so I went to Cosmetics on my lunch.  

I got a tube of this: 

https://www.wetnwildbeauty.com/product/mega-last-high-shine-lip-color-raining-rubies/?bvstate=pg:2/ct:r

Which is the same thing I have at home, I love the color.  It's very bold.  

I applied and I could tell people were noticing it.  The first time I wore it at work my boss made a comment (positive) and several coworkers said something of the lines of "Oh, you're wearing lipstick" and most added "It's cute".  Even the very retiring Muslim lady in the headscarf who never, ever, wears makeup said "You're wearing lipstick now?" and I said yes and a little about why (I decided it was time to make some changes) and she said "It looks really good on you" with great emphasis, then she hurried off.  

And it was so, so, sad (I'm crying now and I knew this would happen if I did a video blog) because everytime someone noticed I could hear Ron in my head, clear as day, calling me a "Painted whore".  Then he would give a fake laugh like it wouldn't hurt now.  

It's sad.  He's dead, been dead for years, I have no doubt God has or will FLOG him for what he did to me.  But he's still living in my head.  This is why I have been careful about dating.  I had 2 crushes but one saw me as a vehicle for mango-chili lollipops and the other one sees me as too old.  I can't make him unsee that.  And if I were a young Latino guy his age I would want a young woman, kids, etc.  Not an older abuse survivor.  It doesn't mean I don't care, though.  I want good things for him, him happy, saved and I do pray that for him a couple times a week.  

When I think about dating I usually feel very used.  That Ron used me up and no one else will want me.  

Anyway, picture time.  

(going to fix my hair I have been in bed all day with Biscuit)

Correction, it is "Cherry Picking".  

I like "Raining Rubies" "Cherry picking" gets me the most compliments, "Little Red Rosette" is a nice softer red, and "Disco Rose" is the tamest I have it is more of a rosy pink, more romantic (what I would consider the "sweet" makeup look vs. "spicy" you would find with the other 3).  I also plan to get an orange lipstick for Bible Handouts and Halloween.  

These are all Wet and Wild lipsticks.  The cashier in Cosmetics and I know each other as fellow associates but she doesn't "know" me outside of the usual work gossip, I am widowed with cats, etc.  I handed her the lipstick (about the only thing that wasn't locked up) and she looked at me with approval, said these were the "good" ones, checked out the color, said that would be good on me, etc. I thought it was cute.  

Surprisingly I didn't have any trouble with that.  Then I went and ate my lunch (which made me sick, later) and applied the lipstick before I went back to work.  

I never figured I would have issues with "baggage" regarding makeup.  I figured I would have issues more with ineptitude in selecting it and applying it (I will worry about that).  Issues with it melting off in the heat... I have figured that out OK.  

But I never thought I'd have Ron in my head calling me a "painted whore".