Made it to lunch

 I'm tired and still have 3 hours to go.  

I am thinking what I would need to restart low carb.  I have a lot of issues with food the main one being I didn't get enough when I was small.  I also have anxiety about going hungry, etc.  Another issue is meal prep and cleanup.

I am really glad I am doing my shopping after work.  I will be so tired I won't want to spend anything.  

But I am thinking about the cats, and how God loves me.  Good topics to think about.

My adoptive Mom texted me Dad has a cold, I'm a little worried about him.  That's it for now.  

Made it to work ok

 I have been debating how to share this; last night on my way home I caught one of my neighbors hurting a stray cat.  It was able to run away, though.  

There are 2 cats I know of, I need to help them without putting my guys at risk.  

Speaking of my guys the night before last I was sleeping in bed, on my right side, my hand facing up in front of me.

Cleo came in through the cat door and dropped a live lizard in my hand!  I woke up pretty quick!  It is still running around the bedroom.

I am touched because she loves to eat lizards and usually eats them the minute she catches them, so it was a very big deal to bring it to me.  I am honored.  

At work; going to be a long day.  A young man on the bus flipped me off as I was looking out the window.  I handed out a couple of Gospel bags which made me happy.  I went with "The way to God" booklet for everything today.

I am going to try to pee one more time as it's not always promised once I start.  

That's it for now!  

Thursday morning

Yesterday I only worked 5.5 hours so I didn't get a lunch.  I felt it, not hungry but just beat down when I left.  

The homeless guy was at the bus stop drinking and was asking me questions about where I lived and could I rent him a room (HELL NO but I didn't say that).  That would be horrific.  And then I would have to go to court to evict him.  No no no.  But it goes to show an alcoholic can spot an enabler a mile away and yet another good reason I don't want to date.  

My rides both ways were OK but a customer pitched a hissy fit at one of the cash registers and got herself banned for 2 years.  The cashier ringing her was one of the nicest, sweetest, ladies in the entire store.  I thought it was sad all the associates converged on it wanting to watch the action.  Me, my instinct is to get away from something like that.  

I had the "nice" boss for most of the day which helped.  They had me stay after my shift ended to do some things.  I don't know if they are going to have me take a longer lunch today or what, but it almost bumped me over 6 hours which gets tricky with the computer as I'm required to take a lunch. 

I start later today so all new drivers going to work.  It should be interesting.  More when I get to work!   

These budget apps are giving me a migraine

 I downloaded Easy Budget and the Dave Ramsay one.  Dave is complicated...at least for this old soul.  

I am going to take some Excedrin and lay down.  

So, yesterday

 I went to work and bought my usual $4 six pack of Diet Dew, went over to the ATM to get a $20 for later (I also wanted to buy a lotto ticket from the gas station, the $1 quick pick, and like to pay cash for that).  It declined the transaction but did let me buy the soda.  

I had to figure out my cell phone payment as that was coming out.  But I didn't have it, clearly.  One poster asked what happened.  I don't know I just got sloppy.  

My aunt thought maybe my account had been hacked when we found a $87 transaction to a mysterious company with only a few letters for the name.  We went back and forth on that for a while via text (so professional of me, and the manager I had for the day was beyond kind for that, praise God it was not my usual boss), I finally figured out it was the gas bill which has a 3rd party payment.  

Then I had to figure out how to pay the actual bill.  They were going to cut me off at midnight.  I've mentioned there is a store on my way home, so when I left I went by.  They had a "We take AmEx" sticker in the window (the only credit card I had in my wallet) BUT it declined.  

So I had to go home and check because I should have a couple hundred on that.  I did, it was fine, the system just didn't want AmEx.  I tried to do it online which took a minute but I did get it using another credit card (good argument for more than one credit card).  After that I was pretty wiped out.  

Now, out of all this, another driver I normally NEVER take did get a Gospel bag.  So maybe that was the whole point of God allowing this to happen - I screwed up, 100% but He worked it for good.  

I also got a violation letter from the HOA about my grass which was cut a few days ago so that's fine.  I talked to my parents they are fine.  

I was exhausted and went to bed early.  I slept pretty well (woke up about 3 times) but feel pretty rested in spite of a headache.  

I left my phone off in case the boss calls; I did call in to the system so she will see it on her phone when she looks at the "roster".  I am debating telling her the truth I needed a mental health day (she will understand the concept even if it isn't an option when you call-in) or just tell her I had a headache which is true but not 100% it.  I will play it by ear.  

That's it for now.  

Home OK

 Got the cell phone fixed.  Took tomorrow off.  

More tomorrow.  

So I still have service

 But the payment didn't clear so I need to run by after work.

I need to redo the budgeting just like I need to redo the cleaning.  

I thought I had been hacked but it's a legit expense - gas bill - glad I did not dispute or they would never take another payment again!

I'm feeling very inadequate and defective today.

I hope I can post later

 I lost track of my budget and my cell phone might decline.  

I am sure, once I get a look at the transactions I will say OH!  And feel very stupid but I feel pretty dim now.

I was at least able to get my Diet Dew for the day so there's that.

I do get paid Wednesday.  I am just beating myself up and feeling very derpy.

I did make it to work OK so there's that, too.  It will be a nice day later and I have chocolate and Bible promise books for the drivers who take me home.  

That's it for now,!

Sunday night

 I had an interesting nap which I will get into later.  

Right now I am working on the honey dos for the week.  Laundry, dishes, doing some evangelism prep, organizing the Bibles, etc.  

Which begs a question I am going to come out and just ask:  

So, you walk into a room.  It is messy (ride with me, here).  What do you do first?  

I've figured out pick up the trash and get rid of that, first.  I assure you I am not being a smartass this has just never "stuck" in my poor damaged brain.  

What next?  God only knows I just try to wing it.  

Kitchen is another one.  I won't get into the kitchen other than to say I have plenty of food.  

The nap: I was riding in a convertible with a very handsome (to me) Asian man who was very into me.  That was a surprise.  I'm not looking, either.  

And a convertible would be a little problematic with long hair, I guess I would have to use some sort of clip?  

I decided to do one last load of laundry.  That's it for now.

The couch was bugging me the most, it's right by the door and catches everything I bring home.  So I cleaned it off, put everything away (it took a while) but you can see it now not just a pile of junk.  

I also did up my pills for 2 weeks that also took a while.  

Now I'm going to make up some pancakes, clean up THAT mess, and do up some "praying for you daily" cards to put in the handouts this week.    

Another headache this morning

 So church is out.  I can watch online though.  

I am disgusted to report my stun gun won't charge so that is out.  Thank God I held onto the old one so I have some sort of flashlight.  I left a scathing review.  

I can be good with words, a seller does not want to push my button!  

I need to figure out what I'm doing today: I need to clean and do meal prep, I also want to have some fun.  I plan to do half hour "works" and then a half hour "break" with some crocheting or whatever.  

I'm going to take a nap.  

I woke up with a splitting headache

 Sometime in the middle of the night, took my Excedrin, went back to bed.  I still had a fair to moderate headache around 8 when I got up so I figured the Handout would be out.  

I have to do physical labor moving the Bibles around, walk to/from bus stop, stand in the bright sun, ride a very noisy and jouncing bus, etc.  

But I started to feel better.  One problem I have with these middle of the night headaches I never remember when I took the pills, so I can't take more when I get up.  I need to get a whiteboard and write the time.  

Anyway I thought let's see what happens if I take my antidepressant because a lot of times that flips a headache all by itself.  I took it and still felt OK.  I took a hot shower, still fine.  Maybe I can do this.  I did my God Time.  

I was very disappointed to find my cargo shorts had a stain of some sort on them so I wore jeans along with my "garment of praise" neon orange safety t shirt.  I do play in traffic.  

Last night, I did up the "Praying for you daily!" cards, 25 each in English and Spanish.  I put those in the Bible along with the "4 Things" tracts a sponsor sent me.  I had really nice purple themed Bibles today and I love purple.  

I loaded about 40 whole Bibles on the cart and then had another dozen or so in my tote bag.  I had the big orange sign, the one that says "Free Bibles! (happy face) God Loves You!"  I like that one a lot.  Here it is in better days:  

That's actually the corner I worked today.  

So I got to the bus stop around 11:30 and got to Acres Homes around noon.  It was dead to start.  Plenty of cars but no interest.  But the weather was nice and everyone had their window down.  I had several young Spanish men looking at me with interest (not in me just in what I was doing).  I would approach them and offer them a Spanish Bible and they would say thank you and take it!  I did that for about an hour and several Spanish Bibles.  

Then I started getting the English.  I had 2 cars, different times, wanted a Bible after the light had changed and traffic was roaring past.  I yelled at them to "come back!" and made the come around motion with my free hand.  They both said OK but they never did.  The ones that got away; maybe next time.  But I'm not getting run over if I can avoid it they were going FAST.  

One sweet recipient: an older minivan pulled up and the back drivers window came down to show a young boy in a booster seat.  He asked me what kind of Bibles I had, I told him.  I asked what he wanted and how many.  He asked his mother, in Spanish.  She told him 2 of both languages, so I handed them over.  Then they drove off!  I never saw the Mom.  

I worked for another hour.  When Ron and I used to work together, I would work at the north side of the intersection (De Soto and Antoine), under the oak trees.  I would face north and wave at the southbound traffic.  Ron would face south, towards the intersection, and wave at southbound traffic.  And when I worked with Ron I would often get a few people, every handout, who saw Ron and wanted a Bible.  

I now have the small sign mounted on the front of my cart and it is "Ron" facing south.  I had 2 guys who went past, stopped, and came back.  The second one basically asked me for everything I had so I gave him a couple each English and Spanish, and some New Testaments.  He said he planned to give them out to friends.  He was bilingual.  

That was it!  Now the fun part, load everything up and head over to Tacos Gloria food truck for a taco and a Jamaica.  They were delicious although that green sauce was hot enough to numb my tongue!  

I still had the small sign mounted on the cart, and wearing the Free Bibles hat, when I went to the grocery store.  No one in the store wanted a Bible but as I left a lady selling something outside the door - electricity - dental work - something like that, stopped me and got 2 Bibles.  

NOW I'm done.  

 Work was pretty busy last night but nothing like Thursday thank God.  The last hour had me putting clearance tags on various items which was a pretty chill way to end the day.  

One interesting thing I read when tract shopping.  There was one tract the gist of it was are you happy?  Because we all sin and the conscience God gave us is always convicting us of that.  The only way to have true peace is to repent and accept His forgiveness.  

If you feel Christians are out condemning you all the time it might be your own conscience.  And you can't shut that up God knows I tried in my backslidden days.  

So I came home, talked to my parents, went to bed.  I didn't sleep great but I did get a night of sleep and got up when I wanted.  I woke up in the middle of the night with a headache so I took Excedrin, went back to sleep, I am OK now I think.  I want to give it a little time after the antidepressant because that can bring back headaches.  One reason I can be reluctant to take it even though I hate depression as much as anyone.  

The cats are good.  

Last night I did up a bunch of "Praying for you daily!" cards on my lunch, in English, then put the phrase into Google translate and asked Maria if it was "good" and she said yes it was very good (grammar).  So I wrote that on another 25 cards for the Spanish Bibles.  Happily I don't have to pray for them in Spanish it would be pretty short!  

I plan to take a shower, do my God Time, see how I feel, if good, do up the Bibles (tract in each and then the praying card), then figure out - and this will be the challenge - how to get all those Bibles into the cart.  The cardboard shipping boxes are too large.  So they will have to go in something else and then the cart.  

Then go through my pockets and leave my wallet at home, just bring a little cash and a couple bottles of water.  I don't think I will bring the stick.  

While in the shower I do need to touch up the shave job on my legs as I plan to wear my cargo shorts today.  

That's it for now; it's going to be a lovely day and I am looking forward to being outside in the sun for a while.  

At work

 Looks to be busy tonight.

The ride in was uneventful.

Friday morning

 I love Friday mornings, I get to sleep in for a change.  The people on the bus are crazy no matter the hour so that's not a factor either.  

I have seen a huge uptick in very bad behavior on the bus lately.  People getting aggressive because they felt they were "dissed" (I am thinking of one white guy in particular), etc.  It is sad I have to bring at least one weapon (I was told I can bring pepper spray to work so I will admit to that) with me when I ride.  

Although pepper spray on a confined bus is going to be a cluster...[cough].  Only as a last resort.  

Yesterday it was very crazy I think the refund checks hit and everyone wanted to spend it on nonessentials.  I was very affected.  

My feet were OK at work but once I got off I told Ace to come 45 minutes later, and my feet were killing me waiting outside.  We got rid of the benches due to the homeless population, the store is overrun.  We are near some "good" begging spots apparently.  So I had to stand on the hard concrete.  I also had to stay vigilant so I didn't get assaulted or robbed (I was not wearing my vest).  

I am going to have to ask God to fill me up with His love today for my customers and fellow workers.  Yesterday took a lot out of me.  

I can't talk about some aspects of my job but expect it will be a little quieter today in some ways.  

Ideally I will do a Bible Handout tomorrow the weather should be lovely.  That's it for now.  

Well I made it to lunch

 One of the he bosses is not letting me go for the zone we are short staffed.  

That boss comes in at 2.  I will have 3.5 hours with her not counting my last break.  

I wore the new shoes they were very comfy.  It was a little bit of a hassle trimming the insoles but worth it.  I am already up to 13k steps.

This weekend I plan to figure out a low carb eating plan.  One obstacle will be all the dishes ...so many dishes.  

I am tired but OK.  Thirsty though the Wellbutrin does that to me.  

That's it for now!  

At work

 Cell phone network is down.  I can still use wifi 

Last night I got a splinter from my bamboo size n crochet hook.  I was able to stop by crafts this morning and get an aluminum one.  It will be heavier but it won't snag or stab me.  

I like the concept of working with bamboo but it can leave something to be desired.  

That's it for now I will address some comments.

Some thoughts I had at work

 A co worker gave me a ride home, just pulled over to the bus stop and off I went.  

While doing the zone today I thought about how Ron had sex broken for him, and how he damaged it for me.  

I have talked about this before but Ron had a very bad experience as a child that damaged how he looked at men and women, together.  If I say anymore they'll put it behind a wall.  

I will think about how to phrase this as a Christian lady and also a blogger who doesn't want to get a TOS violation.  

Ron couldn't view romance the way God wanted him to; he had a lot of baggage he never unpacked.  It affected how he treated me, for instance, constant cheating on me, using porn, talking to other women, emotional affairs, etc.  He had several encounters with married women.  He was obsessed with strange things.  

I was listening to love songs on the overhead at work, making the pretzels look good, thinking it wasn't very often that things went the way I believe God wanted them to.  But to a large degree that is my fault I rushed things, didn't wait for the right man, didn't wait until marriage, etc.  

It's hard to forgive myself for that.  And it's ironic that what started with such heat ended the way it did and that's all I'll say.  

It got me thinking do I even want another man in my life.  

I am going to take a nap.  

On lunch

 Turns out that boss does not come in until 2, I have to do the zone, so I won't see her until 3 and then I am off at 4.

Moderately depressed.  I will make it, it's just some days are harder.  Someone left some fake flowers in my area so I bought them.  I did not share this but I will put them up next to Ron's urn.  It will be a nice change of pace.

I also got some more shoes before work I have to get them home but they are more bulky than heavy.

Ooh I am depressed.  I need to see if low carb eating will help with this once I get back on plan.  I do plan to start up again.

That's it for now!

Made it to work

 The "good" boss is here don't know when the other one gets here 

I had to get new shoes but what I do is buy men's athletic works Xw shoes they are about $20.  Then a pair of Airplus blue gel insoles at $5.  I love those things.  Then the yellow memory foam insoles about $10 and I have a very nice and functional pair of shoes.  Of course I buy a size up to fit all this.  It works for months.

Mood is OK considering.  I am very tired though.  All these early mornings take a toll and I have to get up early tomorrow too.

That's it for now.

Tuesday night/Wed morning

 Now you know I couldn't post that one comment.  (It wasn't abusive just crude).  I am a nice Christian lady with my nose in the air!  LOL  Seriously, I asked God to dry up my drive unless I remarried and He's done a good job of that.  

The bus drivers are loving the chocolate.  One guy was really happy to hear it will be "morning driver chocolate" because it's going to be too warm in the afternoons.  But one driver I have, in the afternoon, is a very nice younger widow like myself (except she has kids).  She really loves the chocolate so I will have to do something for her.  I will figure it out.  

I overslept this morning but am ready to go.  I am still tired though, and pretty sure I need new shoes as well.  

That's it for now.  

Work again

 The ride in was uneventful and the drivers happy to hear I have more chocolate for them.

I was already moderately depressed when I heard the boss.  So we will see.  I will do my best to make it a good day.

God can make it a good day I sure can't.  Sometimes I just really dread the ride home, as well.  I am having trouble knitting today but I hope that will improve.  I am doing way too much caffeine daily and need to figure out how to cut back.  I'm sure that's a factor.

Another problem I have 2 projects and not crazy about either of them.  That's it for now.

Lunch time

 Boss is off today but calling all of us.  

One of my coworkers looks suicidal I am worried about her.

My aunt sent me a photo of her incision it looks comprehensive.  Glad I ate first.  

I have a mild/moderate headache so I took something.  

I am super excited about all the chocolate.

I still have half an hour.  

At work

 Battling a mild to moderate depression.  The store is cold as well.  

They had a little of the Mr Beast chocolate left so I bought some. My second driver today ate one at a red light and raved about it for blocks.  

Everyone who has eaten the chocolate has raved about it.  It's organic and limited ingredient I am sure it's fantastic.  I am also certain I would get an epic migraine if I ate any.

I am going to do some musing on weight issues.  Something in my head says losing to a healthy weight means dating again which, right now, I don't want.  I am not ready to open my life like that.  I also have big secrets - some you know, some you don't - which, in my opinion, would run anyone off.  So why fall for someone just to get crushed by rejection?  

But plenty of men like a bigger woman so weight is no protection.

Clutter in the house also keeps people out.  It's not logical I know 

Walmart offers free online counseling I believe.  I will look into that when I upgrade my computer.  

I had a precious cuddle with all the cats this morning during my God Time.  I will focus on that.

On the bus

 I take 3 buses to work.  I am on #3 waiting to start the route.

#2 wanted to talk about all the horrible things going on lately.  I tried to point him to Jesus.

The chocolate has been a big hit with the morning drivers.  That's it for now 

Hopefully last night was a turning point

 I ate a big meal before work which I like to do when I work a night shift.  

So I didn't care about a break or when I got my lunch.  More on work in a minute.  

I was listening to all the love songs and I realized I really am bipolar in my attitude toward love.  On the one hand I would love it if I had someone in my life, on the other I don't want to deal with someone trying to control me.  

TBH I think I am too willful for a relationship.  Guys only like the spunky woman who does her own thing, in the romance novel.  Most guys want someone like Linda at work, whatever her husband says is gospel and she never goes against him.  

Me: "I'm going to Acres Homes for a Bible Handout".  

Ron: "Don't go it's dangerous".  

Me: "I'm going, are you coming?  Or we can go to Greenspoint and get you some fried chicken after"  

Ron:  "Let me brush my hair".  

But I think any man who loves me is going to have a problem with me putting myself in danger - and I do, even just riding the bus to work every day.  I understand that, but I have to follow God first.  And if He tells me to go I am going.  

Plus I am a slob.  Not a hoarder I am very careful with that, unlike my brother and sister.  But the house is a mess.  

I am just not motivated to step up and do a lot of cleaning right after a long week at work.  

I did get going on the laundry and going to take a nap now.  

I did that; I must have been wiped out because I slept for 4 hours.  

I did finish the laundry.  

Moderately depressed but I will make it.  That's it for now.  

So I didn't get a pneumonia vax

 They said I was too young and I didn't need anything else 

Work was very hectic but I got a couple more attagirls including one during the team meeting.

I did not take my break but am required to take a lunch so on that.

It will be nice to go home at 8 instead of 9.  

My parents had a major home repair today.  I told them to get water, coke, Gatorade for the workers and ideally a pizza for lunch.  Then give the workers some Gospel material they have.  Did they?  Unlikely.  But it would have been awesome.

That's it for now.

A woman fell on my second bus

 More later.  As soon as another passenger got her out of the doorway he took off which will likely result in his termination.

I actually got a rare attagirl.

 They have cut hours at my store which means they are sending shifts home early, leaving the store basically unattended.  They did that yesterday most of my team was sent home early.  

My primary boss came by and literally dumped a huge pile of work on me, left, came back an hour later.  "It looks very good, where did it all go?"  "I did it"  (she said something approving I forget what probably "Keep it up".  

I bought way too much clearance chocolate yesterday but I wanted to give it to my favorite people, like my bank.  I did that on my way home you should have seen the teller grin.  They have really helped me out a lot over the years like cashing that check made out to Ron-Deceased, and me.  

I also plan to run by the pharmacy and get a pneumonia vax.  If my insurance is paying for them that's one I want; when Ron was in shock trauma ICU (as opposed to the other ICU's he visited) a lot of the patients developed pneumonia.  I wouldn't want extreme measures but I sure don't want pneumonia.  So I will see about that, drop off some chocolate (with a receipt) either way (yes/no).  I wore a loose fitting t shirt so it is easy to give me the jab.  

I brought my knitting as well and a skein of yarn if I decide to make a quick cell phone holder this weekend (crochet).  I found my little bag of notions in the garage recently, that has my needle sizer, tape measure (a tiny one), yarn needles, crochet hook for dropped stitches, etc. I was happy to see it again.  That is in with my knitting.  

The project for Mom is rather tedious it is all garter stitch but I don't think I could manage a pattern, I work it when I can like on my break, or on the bus, it would be too hard picking it up again.  I plan to do a fancy lace border.  I have sent her pictures she seems excited.  

I plan to bring it when I visit as I don't trust the Houston Post Office right now.  So I will have time to make a matching hat, fingerless gloves, and maybe a cell phone holder as well.  But first I have to finish the wrap.  

I asked, and Mom agreed, she does not one of those huge shawls.  She is a petite lady and doesn't need a big thing.  So it will only be about a foot wide and 5 feet long.  

And I need to go (posting from home for a change!) 

I made it to lunch!

 Tired but I will make it.

It helps our Pepsi vendor reduced the price of the Diet Dew bottles in the 6 pack.  I will not say how many I drink.

They had mini Mr Beast chocolate bars on clearance so I bought a bag, fed a few to coworkers who loved them, got another couple bags.  The drivers will enjoy them.

The last time I ate chocolate, I had a week long vomiting migraine.  I don't know how Ron kept himself alive he couldn't do much at that point.  I vaguely remember him telling me he got pizza?  I remember him offering me a slice and I said no, then threw up again.  Lol

So I would rather eat cat poop!  

But everyone else loves chocolate so I like to spoil them when I can.

I had a decent lunch and will have my chicken strips in my vest if I get hungry.  

I have been doing a bowl of bran-style cereal every night with my pills and that has been working well.  I will do that tonight.

And I don't have to work until 2 tomorrow so that will be nice to sleep in until 7.

Ron used to sing "Someday" to me, play the CD for me, etc.  today was the first time I heard it since he died.  I got a little choked up and am just writing this.  I am not sure of the title either Oooh child or Someday.  By the 5 stair steps.  

Just a lot of stuff bringing him back lately.  I hope it doesn't get worse as I approach March 6.

That's it for now!  

And who could forget my visit yesterday

 I was working away next to one of my coworkers who is a big gossip.  I heard a familiar voice and looked up to see a Postal worker standing nearby.  

He talked a lot about how sweet and devoted I was to Ron, how I "did everything for him", etc.  How much he missed seeing us together and how sad that he died.  I just nodded a lot while I continued working.  He asked how I was doing and I said OK.  I also added I am in a committed relationship with my cat!  He gave a little laugh at that and moved on.  

Oh what a can of worms!  

The Fitbit is not designed for ghetto bus rides home

 Going down the road, getting bounced around by many pot holes, I looked at my watch and realized it was counting steps.

Not only that, when I looked at the app it said I had climbed 14 floors!  I didn't think the road was that bad!

Now I've only spent about $10 on it so not a big loss, but I won't be counting on readings taken from the back of the bus.

Mental illness and demons

 When it comes to mental illness I believe genetics load the gun and something in the environment pulls the trigger.  Not only that, when the trigger is pulled it often opens a spiritual door that allows demons in.  

I know at times I was convinced Ron was being controlled by a demon.  Alcohol can open the door, as well.  

But even in my own life, at my worst I was hallucinating (hearing music that wasn't there, feeling bugs on my skin, etc.).  It was awful.  I had terrible thoughts that sure didn't come from God, etc.  

Interesting note: the minute I started on medication it slammed the door and it all stopped.  I am fine, as long as I continue to take my medication.  It "bars the door" which is not a popular belief in Christian circles.  I was told I should manage my problems with prayer and fasting.  

I hear a lot of nonsense about mental health drugs, active shooters, etc.  A prescription does not mean someone was taking it.  Had they I bet they wouldn't have done whatever horrible act.  

But there is a strong spiritual component as well, demons hate us all and I think that's where a lot of the self-mutilation problems come from.  The demons want to mar the image God gave us.  

So, my theory: there is a genetic disposition to demonic influence which can manifest in mental illness.  When the proper medication is taken, seeking God in your daily life, dramatic improvement.  

At least for me.  

Wed lunch

 Happily, an uneventful ride to work.  

I have had a persistent headache.  The one boss works late today so I only have her for an hour.

I got paid and treated myself to $9 worth of yarn (3 balls).

Later on I will talk a little bit about my fit bit.

I woke up this morning with Biscuit on top of me purring.  What a great way to start the day!  

Gacked out dude at my second bus stop

 Scared the hell out of me.  White guy wearing shorts looked like he slept in the woods, very agitated arguing with himself.  I know that is a plot used in some comedies but it's not funny.  He kept pacing around making abrupt gestures and babbling nonsense.  

I had to wait at that bus stop unfortunately I had already gotten off my other bus.  Learned a lesson there.

I stayed under the street light, had my stun gun in hand, avoided him when he moved towards me.  I also asked God (silently) to bind up the demon oppressing him.  He did settle some.

I will do a blog tonight about my theories on mental illness and demons - which basically angers everyone.  But I stand by it.  

When my bus came I jumped on and told him to shut the door, which he did.  The freak acted like it was there to take him to the glue factory and ran off.

That's it for now.

It was a crazy day

 Even for me.  

I left the house got to bus stop.  I have a small handheld stun gun, one end is business and the other is a flashlight.  I had it in my hand so I could signal the driver with the flashlight because the stop is very dark.  A man approached with a backlava (?) over his face, all you could see were his eyes but it was very dark so I couldn't tell race or anything.  He came up behind me, I turned to the side and stepped back so I could see him, still holding the stun gun in my hands.  He stepped back when he saw it and then went about 20 feet away watching me wait for the bus.  

The bus pulls up, I pocket the stun gun.  The guy DOES NOT get on the bus.  So I have to assume he was up to no good.  The (middle aged, male) bus driver agreed.  

After that I got to work OK.  I had an awful depression all day it was fed by the constant diet of Valentines ads on the overhead radio and the incessant love songs.  

I was also told tomorrow I have to do the hopeless task that is never good enough for them so nothing to look forward to - the other girl was rude and borderline abusive to me.  

I decided I was going to buy a lotto ticket, damnit, so I went to the gas station after work but the line was horrendous.  There is another gas station across the street but the sidewalk is tricky, and, sure enough, I took a header and fell on my face on some grass outside the station.  I got up, very embarrassed, I have a bruise on my left knee but praise God no abrasions (thank God it was grass!), went in, got my ticket, came out, and I had missed the bus.  

The next bus was very crowded.  I had to sit next to the homeless guy.  Then the bus driver announces there is a problem and they have to take a detour.  The bus erupts in uproar.  He explained what he was going to do and everyone was OK with that.  It took time out of our trip but we eventually got to my transfer spot.  

This spot is a bus stop that serves several routes.  So, again, I handed out candy to anyone who stopped, all were delighted, some overtly touched, one lady almost in tears.  I squeezed her hand and patted it before I got off again.  

Finally, my bus.  I had an uneventful ride home.  My parents are busy so I will talk when they call, which seems to be "later" today.  

That's it for now.  

I am aware of what happened at Lakewood

 I will do a full blog on that later.

Also, an issue with a man at my first bus stop.  I am fine.  

That's it for now.

Spamming you with more Biscuit

 I don't think I've been clear enough in sharing some aspects of my disability.  I sort of see it as my disability (Fetal Alcohol from birth) and my illness; formally diagnosed in 2006.  I have talked a lot about my illness and medication, but not so much these days in case an employer finds the blog or, God forbid, Google puts up that post as the #1 search result on my very unique name.  

But I haven't talked much about the fetal alcohol..  Mainly it affects me socially and planning, organizing, executing.  I think I probably need more information on how to do a job than most, but once I get it I do well.  Since I got hired, I have mentioned having brain damage to other associates (probably not the best idea) which I am sure got back to the bosses.  Now she will actually explain things to me and ask if I got it.  

The problem I have she expects me to be a mind reader, job expectations change every day, impossible workload demanded of me; threats and lecturing if I "fail".  It's not a healthy relationship but interestingly enough she basically left me alone the first year or so.  Maybe she didn't want to be seen as bullying the widow?  I don't know.  

Biscuit has been cute and cuddly today I have some cute photos.  

He's a sweet boy.  

Sunday afternoon

 Prefrontal brain damage means I have trouble organizing.  I don't, however, have big issues organizing the Bibles; it's probably the best room in my house.  

I spent some time today consolidating cases, writing labels on boxes, re-stacking (for some reason they were tipping over, the boxes), rearranging Bibles IN the boxes, etc.  It made me very happy.  

It looks good.  

Speaking of good looking I found this in my bed.  

They look so happy together.  She doesn't even curl up like this with her brother.  That's it for now.  

Two fun encounters

 I try to leave a trail of gospel bags everywhere I go: a baggie, with a New Testament, Scripture booklet, or tract, a generous handful of candy, and, lately, a nice little hand written note: "God loves you!  I'm praying for you!"  

It is probably the one thing in the world that makes me happy, aside from time spent with loved ones (includes cats).  

I had some fun today, 2 drivers (one I got twice he said I was "quick" at the store which I thought was funny) and some other people.  1.  The roof sales man.  Yes, I know my roof is old.  No, I don't have any money to repair it right now.  But here, have a bag of candy.  He took it, thanked me, went to the foot of the driveway and spent some time entering information on his cell phone.  The card he gave me said it's a family company; maybe they have been praying for his salvation, he'll read it and get saved, and I'll get a free roof.  

I thought it was funny they wanted to do "an inspection" on Monday - I told him, I have to work!  Also, between us, I don't want ANYONE on that roof unless they're replacing it.  I don't have leaks and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible.  

Then, a while ago, I had a sudden urge to check the mail.  Being an ENFP personality, I am very much a believer in intuition.  I do have a problem when it crosses my 2 big problems and my loneliness and causes me to read something that's not there.  

But I think God uses my personality type, my trust in intuition, to help me work.  So I went out to the mail box.  

You may remember my regular mailman: 

So I respect him; I don't do anything, he doesn't even want a bottle of water if I bump into him filling my box.  BUT!  

Today it was a lady!  I asked if she would let me give her a bottle of water and she said yes, I ran back home, got a cold bottle out of the fridge, got a bag of candy (always be ready!) and ran back to her.  Then I told her I would "come back later" so she wouldn't feel pressured.  She was happy to hear it.  

So I came back home.  

I have had a horrible depression all day, overwhelmed by housework, but I feel so much better at least planting a few seeds today.  

The important part is praying for them daily like I write on the cards.  

This is probably better off on it's own

 One day Ron was acting like an abusive drunk and it hit me like a ton of bricks that he had as much as TOLD me, when we were dating.  I didn't have anyone to discuss this with as it was all very forbidden but I think any woman I would have run this by would have locked me in my room.  But Ron was telling me what I wanted to hear, that I was "fine", I was "normal", and I was a victim.  He would save me, he assured me, and I wanted to believe it.  And, to his credit, I believe he did want good things for me.  

So, some stories he told me: 

• He had hit his most recent ex on more than one occasion "after she attacked me", that he had thrown her off of him at one point, she went flying across the room and broke her wrist I believe.  But it was her fault because she attacked him "Because of something I said".  Knowing his verbal abuse now I can only imagine what he was saying.  
• When she got pregnant (she was sleeping with a couple guys at the time, including Ron) he told her he wouldn't support her if she had the baby and "No one wants a [racial slur] baby anyway, who's going to love a child like that?"  Ron, himself, being a [racial slur], acted like he was a great guy because he paid for the abortion.  
• That he drank to a blackout after she admitted she cheated on him, he "bit her nose" and she left, but came back.  
• She got a restraining order when she left him, he broke it, and they were set to "violate" him but the judge determined he had not been properly served because he was blind.  He was warned not to contact them (she ran off with his best friend) and he didn't.  
• The girl before that he admitted to beating her "because she cringed a lot".  He said he wouldn't do that with me as long as I didn't act as if he would.  
• That he had binge drinking blackouts, he called them fugue states which he thought sounded better.  
• That he had a pot problem, spending $300 a month (back in the 80's so $1,117 now) on pot.  
• He also admitted he spent $1000 on cocaine in one weekend "just to see what it was like, and I never bought it again"  Back then, so about $3,720 

He told me all this the first month I met him.  I was young, I was in love, in lust, and I had fetal alcohol which can impact my judgement.  One of these signs now I would run like hell.  

There is more but I will not share it.  

Pasting a Bible verse always freaks out blogger so I will have to end it early.

 I think one of the team leads (not mine) may be bi?  

I am TERRIBLE at this stuff.  She keeps making provocative comments (a supervisor, no less) to me.  I just say "Sorry, not into girls" with a grin.  But she keeps saying them!  

VERY uncomfortable.  It wasn't a big deal when she is an associate but she could come back o my department one day.  It was funny, she thought she "caught" me one day out of my department until she saw the family tagging along behind me on their way to the rain suits.  They made me watch a training video that said we would take customers to the item, so I do.  Not many associates do it, though.  

I had a guy right before I clocked out last night; he wanted shower caps.  I verified he wanted "The thing you wear in the bath, not the thing you wear in the swimming pool" and took him (a long walk from where I was) over to HBA and the shower caps.  I took him right to the aisle, put them in his hand, and said "Ninety eight cents!"/  He was very surprised.  

Sometimes I think they should have an associate position where all they would do is wander around the store and help customers as asked.  That's a full time job right there.  

I'm going to do my God Time.  

(later)  

Here's a verse I like: 

Jeremiah 15:16

New King James Version

16 Your words were found, and I ate them,
And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;
For I am called by Your name,
O Lord God of hosts.

I saw Beau again

 He was with his sister.  He did not introduce me but put his arm around me.

Now, to be crude, if I weren't saved I might consider a quick fling but there are a million reasons it wouldn't work.

He watched me work for a while and left without saying goodbye but 2 of my bosses were present.

Work is going OK just tired.  I am carrying dead weight with another worker who is more interested in taking very long breaks and texting all night 

I have decided I will text the one boss and tell her I will do A, B, and C leaving D for the other girl and they can make their own evaluation tomorrow.  

I got in trouble last time I worked with her as, yet again, she did NOTHING and it showed.

Other than that I feel good, looking to tomorrow off but not telling anyone that.  

Friday before work

 I have been thinking some about my hair and decided I am not going to change it.  I have to pull it back to ride the bus, to work, and prefer it back at home so I might as well leave it as is.

I brought in the cell phone case for my friend I hope she likes it.  She was working so I just put it on her cart.

That manager just came in, the one who brings her grandson to work, leaves him in the break room, and expects the associates to baby sit him when they are supposed to be relaxing.  That's going to end pretty soon I would imagine, I know our AP (loss prevention) guy saw him the other day.  

Tomorrow I would like to relax but I also need to do meal prep and housework.  The cats are using the box more which is great I don't want them outside.

At some point I need to buy more candy as well.  Oh, and laundry.  That is stacking up.  

I may wish I was at work, tomorrow!  

Friday morning

 I will post some pictures but I finished my cell phone holder.  I made it for a coworker - she doesn't know but had admired my ratty old one, and another day admired the "bright stripes" yarn I bought so I thought it would be fun to combine the two.  

I think, for me, I'm going to do more of a neutral.  I got a nice variations of gray ball of yarn which I will use to make mine, next.  

It is fun to have a small project then I don't get sick of it.  

Today I will have the boss until 8 PM.  She said last night "they have me coming in at 11".  I don't think it will be awful she has been very busy with a project and not much time to micromanage.  

Two concerns about my trip to work: the dogs, and crazy people at the bus stop or on the bus.  

I did my shower, got dressed, did up the candy.  I like that I am writing a little personal note to each recipient letting them know I'll be praying.  One of my sponsors is sending me some pretty index cards for that.  

One of my bus drivers yesterday said they talk about me which I find funny.  I have told them (collectively) a little bit about my personal life so I guess they have something to talk about.  

Let's see if I can do the photos: 

The blue floral bag is the one I use for the candy.  I have a knitting project, water bottle, and some headache pills in there as well.  

My left calf is bugging me a little so I am wearing compression socks today.  Hopefully that helps, I'm hoping all the walking will work out the kinks.  

I heard a lot of frenzied barking a little while ago but that could have been a cat, or possum, walking on the fence, or one of my neighbors walking a little yapper past a big dog's house with a fenced yard.  There is a very aggressive little yappy dog that goes right up the other dog's fences and barks aggressively at them, which gets the big dogs very worked up.  Overall my neighborhood has good fences, they are the wooden slat ones that go up about 6 feet, you can't see through them.  

That's it for now; I like to text my Mom and aunt in the morning and ask them to pray for me.  

Made it to lunch!

 I will only have an hour when I get back.  Boss only worked until 6 and wasn't awful to me, either.  

I am glad I have a ride home tonight I am tired.  It is exhausting being around unstable mentally ill watching my back and staying out of reach.  

And I should get a decent amount of sleep too.

That's it for now.  

There are a lot of manic people running around my city

 I think it's the nicer weather.  I was OK until I got to the transit center there was a woman at my bus stop.

What I should have done, seeing that, was ride one of the other buses to a shared stop.  But I did not.  I will say I was very careful handing out candy and made a point to stay out of reach; which was a trick because she was very agitated and restless, moving around a lot.  She did not get on my bus, not that I think the driver would have let her.

There was the usual noon crowd of assorted nut cases on the route and I was really happy to get off.

I had a headache on the bus but it cleared up when I ate.

The morning shift looks aggravated so maybe the boss worked an early shift.  We will see.  That's it for now!  

Wednesday night

 So there is a pack of dogs living by the bus stop, I saw it tonight.  

Good to know: my new stun gun arrived tonight and I put it on the charger.  It is actually done charging and will be traveling with me from now on.  

Work was OK; when I left the homeless man was at the bus stop kept trying to talk to me.  I think, to them, there are 2 sorts of people; those who will feed their habit and those who will not.  

The bus was late and we picked up the crazy man again, the one who beat up the old man, then was raving to me about demons.  

Don't get me wrong, I believe in demons.  But this guy was delusional.  Today it was robots.  He said his daughter was replaced with a robot and I really hoped he did not have any contact any more.  

We got stuck in traffic which meant I got to the transit center after dark.  I had all sorts of new drivers coming by I had never met and handed out 4 bags of candy with Scripture booklets - and they were happy to get it.  One guy was grinning widely as he opened the door and said "I haven't seen you in ages!"  I thought that was cute.  

I got off the bus and saw the dogs up ahead but they did not bother me.  I came home, talked to my family, made myself pancakes.  I took my pills because I don't want it to be me raving on the bus one day.  

And I'm going to bed.  

Wednesday lunch

 Yesterday I got an invitation to a dinner hosted by World Missionary press.  It will be in Houston.  I am very interested in attending.  I went ahead and asked for the day off I just need to figure out transportation.  

That boss is coming in at 2 so I will likely only see her for an hour today.

Biscuit kept sleeping on my foot last night it was cramping today.  He was waiting on the porch last night when I got home I don't think he likes me feeding them at night.

My mood is up and down today not crazy about that.  

That's it for now.  

Way too much excitement for one day

 I left the house without my stick so I was rather alarmed when I heard loud and aggressive barking coming from the vacant lot I have to pass to get to the bus stop.  

I worked up my courage and went past anyway.  I was OK.  

My bus was more exciting.  We pulled up to a bus stop.  There was a black man running for the bus with a white man behind him.  

I thought "Oh, how cute, they are late for work". Not quite.  The black man got on the bus and turned around, the white guy, with dead eyes, came after him.  They fought their way down the aisle for a minute as people scrambled to get out of the way.  The black guy reached in his pocket.  The bus driver opened the back door and they both ran.

Some idiot stood in the doorway rubbernecking so the driver couldn't shut the door for a minute, we left.  A few minutes later I heard an ambulance headed that way.

The guy across the aisle was lamenting the state of society.  He was a veteran.  I told him the Bible said it would get like this and quoted Matthew 24. "Due to the wickedness of man, the love of most will grow cold ". He said "That's right!"

Being me, I said "I'd love to give you this" and handed him a New Testament in a bag of candy, which he took and put in his bag.

Now I'm at work wondering what else it holds.  That's it for now. 

On lunch

 I am starting to see some of the problems talking about a Handout.  

I had mentioned it in passing to a work friend before I decided to shut up.  She texted me today asking how it went.  I told her I handed out around 65 and had lunch at a taco truck.  

She made a comment about "the sinners" and it made me realize many may think I go out in judgement.  I don't, like Paul said I am the #1 sinner.

I see myself more like a firefighter in a burning building trying to pull people out.  Nothing makes me cry these days but I do thinking about someone going to hell.  That's what drives me.

I am tired and considering one of my powdered energy drinks.

That's it for now!  

10% chance of rain, my butt!

 I heard a frenzy of barking several times while getting ready and was a little worried about loose dogs.  I did not encounter any.  

Yesterday I saw a black cat run over by a car it was very sad, and I feel awful for the family.  As I passed the house this morning I whispered a little prayer for it, and saw an identical cat sitting on the porch looking very depressed.  I whispered my condolences as it was 5 am and I didn't want to wake anyone.

I did not wait long at the bus.  I can't say why because someone could get fired but I was 100% safe.  

It was an uneventful ride to work and my drivers were thrilled with the New Testament+ candy in a Ziploc quart bag.  That was fun.  Tomorrow I will write "praying for you daily" on an index card for them as I did not do that this morning.

We have a gas station in our parking lot.  Last week I bought a $1 lotto ticket and that was fun even though I didn't win.  So I went in and had him pick out a $1 quick pick game for me.  He will get half if I win, even if it's only a few dollars.  I have the ticket in my wallet.  

I don't know who is working today I will find out in an hour or so.  

I brought my lunch.  That's it for now!  

I had a horrible nightmare last night

 Unfortunately I remember it vividly.  On the one hand I expect this sort of thing after a Handout - there is a definite link.  Even my devotionals talk about the devil attacking after a high point in your spiritual life.  

As a rule I don't keep track of how long or how many Bibles.  I can tell you I did about 60 in about a 2 hour period but I don't know for sure and I like it like that.  I have found pride is a big issue if I have precise data.  And pride renders me useless.  

So that's it for that; I will bring some candy and booklets today as I ride many buses but that's it.  I still have a decent amount of candy; I am not doing chocolate right now as it's a little warm (upper 60's) for that.  I don't want a mess on my hands.  

Speaking of messes I am going to take my shower.  

Since I am in lean and mean finance mode I am bringing my lunch all week.  I also got some drink mix packets so I won't be drinking (gasp) my beloved Diet Dew.  

I have to go; more later.  

Handout Update

 There is a definite correlation at work with even MENTIONING evangelism and blowback from the bosses; and they follow me on FB so no update there.  

I was actually pretty depressed this morning thinking about the logistics of taking the cart to the bus stop, church, back to bus stop, doing the Handout, going to the grocery store after, and then home.  I also tend to catch a lot of flack one way or another in my personal life after doing a Handout.  No lie I am not looking forward to that.  

But yesterday I did up 50 "Invitation" New Testaments with tracts and a personal note for each, written on an index card in fun inks, saying I would be praying for them daily.  I think the personal note is very important because sometimes it's the old "Stick the hand out the window, how many, put the Bibles in their hand, light changes before I can say anything and they zip off into eternity" thing which actually happened several times today.  

I find it hysterical when someone drives right up with the window down and sticks out a hand.  I ask "How many?" and serve them, then they zip off as I try to shout I'll be praying, after them.  

So I had the English all done up and boxed in my cart.  I went in my Spanish box and realized I only had 8 or so but I brought them (and handed them all out!).  I had the big sign and the little sign which I set up on my cart facing the opposite direction.  I call it "Ron" "You can be Ron today" because Ron used to do that when he'd come with, face the "other" way and wave the little sign.  

I wore my church dress because I was going to church.  It is a knee length long sleeved looser fitting black dress.  I wore it over black leggings for modesty and also because it was windy and chilly to start - stayed windy all day though.  

I wore my black work sneakers.  

I got to the bus stop OK and got to church, parked my cart where they told me I could and went to the service.  After the service I left and went to the bus stop.  The bus came pretty quick.  

I was a little uncertain of my stop because I never go to De Soto (and Antoine) from the south, where my church is located.  But I found the stop (the storage place makes a great landmark) and pulled the bell.  

I felt like I "should" work my usual spot on the north side of the intersection.  Here's a good article about the general tone of the neighborhood; it's old but still valid.  

Houston Chronicle link on De Soto and Antoine

But I wanted to work the south side for a bit, did that, not a speck of interest.  I went over to the north side, under the big oak tree, and tremendous interest.  It was pretty slow the first hour or so I would hand out a single here and there but enough to keep me working.  

The gang that hangs out in front of 6002 Antoine was there as always; I pretended not to see them and they pretended not to see me.  I didn't see any of the hookers from years past I guess the police did crack down on that.  

I was comfortable, I was standing on the ground, not concrete, and I was partially shaded by the oak tree.  I could move in and out of the shade as I wished.  

I had several cars just drive up and stick out a hand like I mentioned that was fun.  I also had several older "Church lady" types dressed up, wanting Bibles.  I had one lady crossing the street with her daughter, looked at me with extreme distaste, said she already had a Bible.  I have no problem giving someone another Bible.  

No one laughed at me this time (grin) and only one lady tried to give me money.  I told her to buy a Walmart employee a candy bar and she said she would.  

I had a group of people at the southbound bus stop watching me as they waited.  One of them waved me over, I gave her a Bible.  The other people looked at it and individually decided they all wanted one, too, so I kept running back and forth every time they called!  I did about 5 that way.  It was pretty funny, they kept yelling!   

It took me a while to find my favorite translation. Maybe the version they have isn't working for them.  I had a Metrolift (Paratransit) van driver ask me for King James she was thrilled I had it.  I don't know what she thought I was handing out but I get consistent interest in "Old" King James to keep it as a tool in my bag every time I do a Handout.  I also had a more modern translation and I was letting people choose.  

And yes, I make an absolute ASS out of myself on a handout with my big loud sign, my neon orange "garment of praise" safety t shirt, my antics waving at the drivers, but it is worth it to me if someone gets snatched out of hell.  

I had some young black guys walk up asking for Bibles and I was happy to give them.  I had an older man, some sort of immigrant but I couldn't tell what country, ask for a few.    He hastened to assure me HE was a believer but he knew people who weren't.  I squeezed his hand when I told him I'd be praying.  

I had several harried young moms wanted several Bibles each so EVERYONE in the family had their own Bible, I thought that was really cute and sweet, and obliged happily.  One little girl was whining or a Bible.  I thought it was great - get her while she is still open to God, before society tells her He's dead or worse, a sadist.  

I was out there for about 2 hours and felt totally safe.  I was wary and alert of the gang but they didn't bother me.  I don't think they would unless I was obviously selling drugs or taking pictures.  I have been there, off and on, for several years so they know of me if they haven't seen me before.  

I ran out of Bibles about the time I got hungry, so I went to the taco truck.  I had heard very good reviews.  The gang was there (the literal gang) of young men buying takeout but I didn't have any issues.  They got their food and left, I got my food and ate it at the bus stop.  It was very good.  

That's it for now!  

In public, I am toning it down

 Some digging on this one.  

My aunt called and we talked about finances (grim) so I will have to make Some Big Cuts.  I can do that, though.  I have been partial to my work snack but I will adjust.  I can bring something from home.  

She also wanted to know about work which was also anxiety provoking and depressing.  I like to think I do a good job but does the boss think that?  It is hard to say.  

All 3 cats were in the bed so I thought I could have a nice nap with them, only to have them flee like I farted when I laid down with them.  I did rest for about an hour but it's not the same without a cat :(.  

I have also been thinking about pride, stupid mistakes I think I am making, and my faith.  It has been my practice to tell everyone in my circle about the Bible Handouts and share my faith but I am starting to believe that is a mistake.  It seems like every time my faith comes up at work the boss gets very nasty for some period after.  I believe she had a bad experience with hypocrites and when I talk, it comes up.  I don't talk about any of this to her but I believe things are getting BACK to her.  

So I have concluded, after some thought, that I won't be talking about the Bible Handouts at work or sharing any material from now on.  I am also seriously considering not saying anything on Facebook at all, just sending my one sponsor a link to the blog with an after action report.  Because work people are on the Facebook.  

I am not saying I'm persecuted; just that life is a lot harder when I am shining my faith brightly into all the dark corners, and I am worried about losing my job.  I intend to keep up with the candy distribution and the Bible Handouts, praying for everyone daily.  

But I feel, at least online, sharing my faith on Facebook is just beating my head into a wall.  An example: years ago a Postal Worker friended me on Facebook.  Now and then I would put up a post about the Bible Handouts and I would talk about them, at work, to anyone who would listen.  

Some of you are probably rubbing your forehead with a pained expression.  Let's just chalk this up to the brain damage.  

I knew she had an older teen daughter.  One day she approached me and said she and her daughter would like to do a Bible Handout with me.  I did not query her as to salvation status or the motives she had.  She just said "they wanted to help".  

So I arranged a Bible Handout in a better area in the early evening after work.  They didn't listen to things I said about blocking traffic, touching cars, and taking money but we did not get caught.  We handed everything out and they dropped us at home.  

About an hour later Dee gets online talking about how she had "This great experience with her daughter doing a Bible Handout" and what a great college essay it would make.  

I was LIVID.  

She did get into the college of her choice, though.  But, overall, my Facebook experience with my faith has been distressing.  

I did pick up a couple of sponsors and shared some good information with other evangelists but that's about it.  Some people think I put up the reports for an "Atta girl".  I don't, I want people praying for the recipients and I don't feel it's happening.  When I put up a report people, if they say anything, are just saying "Oh Heather you are so great" which feeds the pride but nothing else.  

So I need, I think, to put a cork in it.  One of my devotionals this morning was about letting my words be few which I think applies to this.  

A good example was the other day at work, my "other" boss, the one who asks a million personal questions, was asking me what I had planned for my day off.  I told her I might do a Bible Handout, where, and why.  Her attitude "If people are getting shot there you need to stay away" with a complete lack of understanding why I feel compelled to go to hurting souls currently bound for hell, was distressing.  And I realized no one at work is going to understand this.  I just need to stop talking about it, go out and do it, come home, and say "Oh I finally got around to mopping the floor this weekend".  

I love to share and I am very passionate about my faith but I'm realizing there is literally no place for it at work, and sharing it is harming me.  

It's not as simple as I prayed over my lunch and my boss wrote me up for something small.  It's more ambiguous, but I think I need to do this at least for a while, and basically act more like a persecuted Christian who gets In Big Trouble if they are found out.  

I will of course be me, here.  But that's what I've concluded so far.  

I am a little nervous

 Someone got sick IN the pharmacy.  I hope it is just a pregnancy or food poisoning issue and not something communicable 

My arm was hurting some and I felt rather warm after the vaccines.  I took some Excedrin.  It is wearing off and my arm is starting to hurt again.  Do I want to take more?  I don't know.  I have already had a lot of caffeine.  

I am pretty tired but I will only have an hour when I get back.  Then 2 days off and hopefully primary boss off Monday.  We will see.  

That's it for now 

On my break

 Main boss left at 4 after biting me for an hour.

I got my pills, while there they said my insurance went through, vaccines were free, did I want any.  I said yes to tetanus.  

She leaned in and told me she advises all employees to get the Hepatitis shots as well so I did that too.

More later.

Work went fine last night

 The one boss left a little after 4 (not the primary) and the other one didn't work so it was a fine night.  I did what I came to do (except the zone) and made my money.  

Today?  Who knows.  We will see.  

I believe that colors I wear can influence attitudes around me.  Red is a provocative, confrontational, color so I tend to avoid it at work, but a coworker/friend said it is "heart disease awareness day" and asked me to wear red.  So I have a long sleeved red t shirt.  

Biscuit is so cute.  He heard me pouring milk in the blender, got off his condo in the other room, came running to me begging.  So of course I gave him a dab.  I figure at his age he is entitled to a little dab of milk now and then if he wants (it doesn't upset his stomach).  

It is nice and sunny today but the rain is coming tonight apparently, which, if it does, will make for a slower night at the store.  Ace is already coming.  

That's it for now, I have some photos I will put up tomorrow.  

My boss doesn't want me to do the zone

 Says they need me in our area.

This is going to be awkward when the grocery manager comes looking ..

I am glad they still value what I do, though.  

At work

 The driver reminded me of another one I had a long time ago who had just split with her boyfriend.

I have not had such a bad ride on a bus in a very long time.  She is 2 weeks into the route already I think she just hates it.  I don't think she will last long 

She really made me appreciate Mike's driving as I could work on my phone with him and didn't have to worry about being thrown out of my seat.

But she, and the guy who laughed, are both souls with an eternal destination.  It is not my job to save them just to plant seeds showing them a better way

.If it was easy every Christian would do it.

I saw an Amazon truck while at the bus stop.  I saluted him and thought "He might have my knitting needles". Sure enough I got my delivery notification a little later 

So, no matter what (barring porch pirates) I have something to look forward to when I get home.  That is nice.

That's it for now, I can use prayer today.

A tough crowd

 It's been interesting getting to work.

One driver laughed in my face, not nicely, when he found his candy.  He was talking to a homeless man so I put it in the seat and moved on.

Another driver took it but then shouted at me because I followed the rules on boarding the bus - waiting until she was present and could verify I had paid.  She is also a very aggressive driver which makes for an unpleasant ride.  

That's it for now 

Thursday morning

 I am getting ready to leave, going to try and make it a good day.  

The weather is mild and sunny I am wearing jeans, t shirt, and a mauve hoodie.  I cannot wear the hoodie at work they say "for safety" but I suspect it is more about not wanting the employees to look like thugs.  

What I find interesting half the team leads (including the store manager) do not wear a vest and when they do it is very dirty.  Their other clothes are clean and it is easy enough for me to throw the vest in a load of regular clothes.  So I'm not sure what that's about.  

One day, zoning, I got popcorn popping oil on my vest so I went home, pretreated it with Shout Gel and it did the trick.  

I washed it of course that night and it was good as new the next day.  

I got my W2 the other day I made about 20K last year.  I told Dad but he probably makes more than I do.  He has Social Security I think he gets the max, so he definitely gets more.  But he was nice about it.  

He is very determined to get me to a doctor and get a physical.  I am fine, my blood tests have been coming back fine for 20 years.  

At any rate, we will see if I get a refund.  My cousin is a CPA he will find out.  He is very nice about doing my taxes for free.  

And I remembered to do my upper lip treatment.  I am trying to do it once a week, every Wednesday, but yesterday I overslept and couldn't.  I look fine now.  

I won't represent Jesus very well with a mustache!  

I need to work on my budget for property taxes as well.  I plan to do that on my lunch.  

That's it for now!  

It's not just the one boss (Welcome to the Jungle)

 A team lead asked me to do something that requires a device and printer ,(handheld), took the printer all day, and texts me when I'm off scolding.  I am not 100% sure on this but pretty certain it is ILLEGAL to discipline an employee when they are OFF THE CLOCK.  

But it taught me a valuable lesson: document, document, document.  What I should have done around 3 PM is text her and say "Sorry I will not be able to do the thing because I don't have a printer".  Then it is on the record.  

What is on the record I texted her twice yesterday and also called with no answer when I needed help with something else and CRICKETS.  

So now I know, and I need to think for a little bit on is that a culture I want.  Sure the stock split 3 ways, but I have never (including Ron) worked for a company I wanted to buy their stock.  You know me, I'm probably going to put it into evangelism.  

And that got me thinking I need to go back to Acres Homes and do another Handout.  De Soto and Antoine is as bad as ever, apparently, and there is a very good food truck there too.  "The worker is worthy of his wages".  LOL  

I got my groceries after work.  I signed a nondisclosure agreement when I went to work for the company so all I can say I prefer to get my food at this store.  I will get things like trail mix, energy bars, protein powder where I work but that is about it.  Maybe some fancy cheese.  

I bought some double pointed needles yesterday so I can make hats and cell phone holders.  I think that would be fun.  

That's it for now.