A co worker gave me a ride home, just pulled over to the bus stop and off I went.
While doing the zone today I thought about how Ron had sex broken for him, and how he damaged it for me.
I have talked about this before but Ron had a very bad experience as a child that damaged how he looked at men and women, together. If I say anymore they'll put it behind a wall.
I will think about how to phrase this as a Christian lady and also a blogger who doesn't want to get a TOS violation.
Ron couldn't view romance the way God wanted him to; he had a lot of baggage he never unpacked. It affected how he treated me, for instance, constant cheating on me, using porn, talking to other women, emotional affairs, etc. He had several encounters with married women. He was obsessed with strange things.
I was listening to love songs on the overhead at work, making the pretzels look good, thinking it wasn't very often that things went the way I believe God wanted them to. But to a large degree that is my fault I rushed things, didn't wait for the right man, didn't wait until marriage, etc.
It's hard to forgive myself for that. And it's ironic that what started with such heat ended the way it did and that's all I'll say.
It got me thinking do I even want another man in my life.
I am going to take a nap.
15 comments:
If one thing religion does it makes you feel guilty. Oh sure God planned it so you could suffer the rest of your life. I have never met a Bible thumper who is happy, they're always in a dark place just like you. It only adds to your mental illness and depression.
Making myself happy just led to more problems.
Seeking God's will in things, believing that all things work for His plan, fuels me.
For me it is really not about being "happy" because you can come home any day and find your husband dead, or get someone banging on the door at 7 AM saying he has been run over by a pickup truck. Or your brain chemicals can shift and turn a great day into a horrible one.
Religion is Not God, he wants a relationship with us.
What's his plan to kill everyone again? Or, is it to make your life here miserable so you can go to heaven when you die? You act like being happy is a sin. Wow, what horrible things did you do when you were happy? I know now you're going to tell me giving out Bibles and candy makes you happy, oh, and the cats. That's your limit on happiness. Everyone has their own ideas of what makes them happy. But your choice is to be unhappy so you don't get in trouble? Very strange and sad.
I am choosing not to chase happiness. You can't hold on to it. People at work would say I am happy, I think.
Let's take love, if God sends a Godly man, one who has a real relationship with Him and seeks to please God I would welcome that.
I guess the difference with me I seek what makes God happy - love, compassion, forgiveness, that sort of thing. When you give that sort of thing in God's name He blesses you. I am not always happy but overall I have a lot of peace and believe I am doing what He wants for my life.
The creator can do whatever he wants to a creation that mocks him. He is long suffering and doesn't want anyone to perish.
People make their own choices and will reap the consequences.
He did provide us a way of escaping the wrath that is coming. Seek his son, Jesus while you have time. Tomorrow is not promised.
Ron sure found that out March 6th! You very seldom get any warning on your death.
OMGhosh Heather, you don't need to chase happiness, what a silly thing to say. And, it appears you need a man to complete you and make you happy and you depend on God to send you one.
You aren't as Godley as you think you are. You gossip and judge all the time those are sins too.
I'll allow this; I have never said I am holy. Only Christ in me makes me anything worth mentioning. I am 1000% clear on that.
Yes, I gossip, judge, covet. I repent of those sins and work at battling them.
I think the only thing I have different from my neighbors, spiritually, is a great passion to share Jesus with everyone I meet. But even that won't get me to Heaven on Jesus' blood and sacrifice, and my repentance and acceptance of it, gets me there.
I do hope you remember this when I'm gone, either via rapture or dead.
I share on social media, get a lot of hate for it. They don't hate me, they hate Jesus. He told us it would be like that.
I read an interesting book a while back "Living Water" by Brother Yun and one thing he said the devil wants to discredit our witness so they can say "Oh, she's a hypocrite".
He was actually the final push on me doing the Bible Handouts.
you people just don't get it we don't hate you individually or hate Jesus. We just want you to leave us alone to our own beliefs. We don't need you to convert or to save us.
I'll allow this even though "you people" is rude.
Honey, why are you on an evangelical blog if you don't want Him around? I mean, He's there every minute whether you want Him or not.
As for me, everyone gets prayed for but I don't exactly chase them down to do it. People are happy to get the candy and are free to throw out the tract. With the Handouts I get as many people scowl at me as take the Bibles, but I'm not (tempted as I have been at times) throwing the Bibles in open windows of the cars. They only get it if they ask, or stick an arm out the window and beckon me.
I am going to put on my tin foil hat for a minute and ask 2 favors, one, that you read this, two, that you go on Amazon or to a discounter of some sort and buy yourself a cheap paperback Bible. NKjV, KJV, ESV, NIV, NASB, etc all are good versions. Don't get a "Recovery" under any circumstance that is a cult Bible.
DON'T read it, just keep it around. After the rapture, and it IS coming, it will be priceless. You can read it then to discover Him even though the tribulation is going to be very hard, in my opinion for women in particular. Don't just get an app or bookmark Bible Gateway because those will be taken down quickly.
You can probably even get a nice one at a thrift store. For a while I was going to a thrift store near a church and they donated tons of stuff which I bought.
All you need to say is no thank you. Labeling those doing the Lord's work, calling people Bible thumper, etc is not necessary.
We are called to go out into the fields and bring in the harvest of souls so they don't perish. No thank you is all someone needs to say.
You reminded me of one guy I had today (grin). He rolled up and his window was up, he rolled it down and gave me a very slow once over watching me. I walked up and offered him a Bible. "No" he said as if something was burning his mouth.
I took the Bible back. "I'm still going to pray for you!"
"You do that" (sarcastic)
And I am pretty immune to that, the great thing about my upbringing and 30 years with Ron I am used to people viewing me as "less than". It doesn't faze me. But one thank you with a smile makes my whole day!
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