Thursday

 I almost got run over again on my way to work.  This is a traffic light.  Both drivers (the big rig last week and the SUV yesterday) raced through the red light.  Ron used to talk about being run over; that it was like flipping a switch and he just popped right out of his body.  But I would rather not experience that.  I actually have a fair amount of anxiety around traffic because of things like this (waving hand) and these near misses don't help.  I am just trying to get to work. 

That would be really horrible for my Dad losing me.  I pray he goes first because I can only imagine what that would do to him.  

Anyway, no real surprise I am depressed.  I did find some stuff at work I will be adding to Dad's gift box.  He has tremors.  Pretty bad.  Dad does not read the blog.  So I got some of that squeeze peanut butter and mayo for him to make sandwiches.  I ate many a PB & Mayo growing up.  I do not like them, but they fill you up.  Dad, however, loves them so I think it may be a good one for him.  I also got some of the snack size peanut butter cups (not the chocolate ones, actual cup with peanut butter in it and a peel back top) he can stick veggies, crackers, whatever into the cup.  He won't have to navigate a knife to spread the peanut butter.  I think he will like it.  His cholesterol is about half what mine is so I'm not worried about that, or weight gain because he is over 80 and my adoptive Mom is not going to let him go crazy.  

It is funny because I got hives the last time I ate peanut butter.  I am apparently allergic to all nuts but pecans.  Kind of limits the snacking, especially trail mix.  

I'm going to take my shower.   Done, but I kept thinking about getting run over.  If it's going to happen it's going to happen nothing I can do.  If I knew for sure it would happen I could take a Uber to work but I can only do that so often, not every day.  I am headed out there in the middle of the day which does increase my odds.  

But before I got stuck on that I was thinking about fragrance.  It seems if I use a fragrance when I am depressed I then associate it with depression and it is "ruined".  I don't want that.  I do like a nice bar of bath soap.  So, do I get an unscented bar (Dr Bronner's makes one) and use that when I am depressed?  Which is a lot?  Or do I continue using the regular soap?  I don't know.  

I do know my face was so dry yesterday I used the Cetaphil (generic) today, and a different shampoo + conditioner product as the Pantene was drying out my scalp.  I make a lot of oil, face and hair, so I need to strip that off but not too much and that is also a guessing game.  I really like the hair product I used today but they no longer sell it.  So when it's gone, it's gone.  

It is funny (back to cars again) the street at work is very busy, many lanes, I crossed that yesterday safely and have never almost been run over on it.  The street by my house is about half the lanes and much more dangerous.  I really used to dread that street by work, wouldn't even consider it until that one bus driver on my other route home decided to take a detour and went way off route, stranding me miles from home.  I didn't want to deal with that again so I am down to 2 bus routes each way to work.  And those are what I would call dependable routes.  

I also found Ron's hairbrush on top of the fridge.  I used to keep it there so I could touch him up before I took him out the door to the garage (right next to the fridge).  I hadn't seen it up there until I tried to stick my generic box of Raisin Bran up there and found it.  Ugh.  If I wasn't depressed already that sure didn't help.  

At least it is sunny out.  That will make for a better trip to work.  

Baby Girl is reminding me to do my God Time, I'm going to get dressed and do that.  

That is done.  I am just a horrible stew of anxiety and depression today.  I did some hunting and found the bubble wrap for Dad's package and some tissue paper for it as well so I can work on packing it this weekend.  You may remember last year I asked USPS to send me 3 priority mail flat rate boxes and they sent me 30.  I gave 20 back to the Post Office and then kept the rest.  So I have a box "for sure".  I have packing tape.  I have bubble wrap and tissue paper so that should do it, but I will look in the "Celebration" section (packing/shipping supplies, gift bags, etc) today and see if there's anything else I need.  

And I intend to at least look into getting some unscented soap and lotion.  I also confirmed my ride home from work.  That's it for now.