Tired and weary

Well, last night went pretty well until Ron ran out of vodka.  Then he started cursing and went out in the garage.  He had to go up and down the wheelchair ramp to get the bottle of vodka. 

He knows I won't help him.  He was really struggling, though, at the top of the ramp and actually asked, nicely, for help.  So I gave him a little boost.  Then he began verbally abusing me, talking about my mother, etc. 

My first thought was, see what happens when I help him?  Verbal abuse.  I resolved not to "help" him again as he went on about my mother, etc. 

I told him my refusal to help him - told him AGAIN - has NOTHING to do with my mother, and EVERYTHING to do with his bad behavior when he drinks.  I don't help him drink because he is awful to me, and I'm not going to enable that.  Especially when he is awful to me, right after I "Helped" him. 

I told him I was going to bed, and walked off.  Previous to getting the vodka he had said he was lonely and wanted to talk.  "Talking" is one thing, verbal abuse is another. 

I laid in bed for about 10 minutes, probably while he was drinking, before he came back and tried to apologize.  I told him I forgave him, but I took him through the sequence of events: you asked for help.  I helped you.  You shouted at me.  I took him through it all very slowly, and he had to agree with me. 

I asked him if he would help me again in that case.  He said no, BUT,... and I said, no but.  You shouted at me when I broke my own rule, to help you.  I will not be doing that again.  If you want an easier way to drink you will need to figure that out on your own. 

Then I told him I wanted to sleep, and sent him away.  I slept OK and woke up around 7:30.  I found Ron in the hall, coming back from drinking in the kitchen. 

I remember one time he told me (he doesn't "remember" this, conveniently) that he would know he was an alcoholic if he ever drank before noon, that it was the sign of a die hard alcoholic, and he would never stoop that low.  No, he would just drink at 7 in the morning. 

He apologized again and I reminded him I would not be "helping" him any more.  He went his way, I went mine. 

Debating going out today.  On the one hand I am tired and just want to sleep.  On the other, tomorrow will be running around at the doctor with him (again!) and I want to have some fun. 

A mild headache, and my need for my antidepressant (which may compound the headache) make it more difficult.  I'll keep you posted.