Last night/this morning was pretty standard. Chuck called and said he was sick and could not help.
Ron arranged for paratransit to get us. He went in the kitchen.
The next thing I know, the ride is there. I got ready to push Ron out of the kitchen and down the ramp you see in the photo. And Ron took a header and went SPLAT right at the bottom of the ramp. His face is scraped. His knee is scraped. Happily, not bleeding much. I worry with him on blood thinners, you know.
I opened the garage door because the driver was banging on our front door like an ex-boyfriend who was owed money, trying to rush us. I wanted him to see the cause of the delay.
He gaped at the spectacle you see, Ron on the ground, bleeding, flopping around. I kept trying to verbally direct Ron into the wheelchair. I wasn't wrecking my back over this. The driver left, eventually, he kept asking if Ron needed an ambulance.
Frankly, I wasn't going to call an ambulance. I figured if I just let him sober up, like I did last time, he would be fine getting into the wheelchair. I worried, though, because the garage is hot and I didn't want him getting heatstroke. He also hates spiderwebs, of which we have a lot. I figure the spiders eat bugs so I'm not in a rush to eliminate them.
Ron kept bellowing I had to open the garage door again. I told him someone would see him and call an ambulance, did he want people meddling in his life? His response was along the lines of [expletive] open the [expletive] door you [expletive verb] [expletive]. So I opened it.
I debated if I should stay with him (he was very verbally abusive) or just leave him there to be found by a passerby. I figured I would take a cab to work and put the garage door down. No one would see him and he would have time to sober up.
About that time I heard him calling 911, explaining he had fallen. He had a hard time giving our address but gave her the pertinent information.
Great. An ambulance. I cancelled my cab ride and waited for the ambulance. It took about 10 minutes, but it was just an "I've fallen and I can't get up" call. They came.
Three men got out. They were all ruggedly handsome. Well, maybe this won't be so bad. They walked over to Ron, got a look at his situation, and had him back in the wheelchair quickly. Since Ron has shown a tendency to fall out of the wheelchair while drunk, I used the wheelchair's seatbelt (never before used) to secure him as they nodded in approval. I yelled at Ron to lean back, as he was tipping forward again, and gave him a push back in the wheelchair.
I helped them fill out the paperwork and signed he was not going to the hospital. They were very kind and professional. I liked them. They filled out the paperwork, mainly my name and his, our relationship, and off to the idling black ambulance.
Black ambulances have freaked me out in the past, but if they contain such tasty paramedics I might change my mind! Not lusting, but I'm not blind either.
They idled out front for a while, I took them some bottled water. They thanked me and left.
A while later, my cab came. It was a driver we know. He ran me to work so I could mail the sales tax form. It is due today and must be postmarked with today's date. I didn't have stamps at home so I had to get them out of the vending machine. The cab driver waited while I took care of business and took me home.
Ron sent me a bunch of abusive, filthy, text messages calling me pretty much every name in the book. "Bitch" featured prominently.
Basically he blames me for today's debacle. I wasn't the one drinking. I didn't fall out of the wheelchair. I only tried to help him. When he was back in the wheelchair, I took him to bed and unfastened the seatbelt. I don't see how that makes me the wrongdoer in any way. I ignored the nasty messages, but answered the legitimate questions like "How are you going to pay the sales tax?" "Cab".
So I'm home again. Ron is STILL in a nasty, abusive, mood. Like I said, I don't see how he can make it my fault but he is sure trying.
I am going to eat some ice cream and take my meds early. God knows I need all the mood stabilization I can get.
10 comments:
Are you afraid someone is going to intervene (meddle) in your lives and see the abuse and report it? Second time you didn’t want someone “meddling” after you got mad at Ron for talking about having a social worker and giving too much into on the phone. Is this why you didn’t call the ambulance or call someone for help? Come on now this is OUT OF HAND. he’s not going to decide to stop drinking and “find a painkiller” and suddenly stop abusing you. Leopards don’t change their spots. Ugh this is hard to keep reading because you won’t do anything to help yourself. you are not qualified to care for this man anymore. He is sick and needs professional care. He may be an asshole but every human deserves proper healthcare.
You can't leave a person in a garage ALL day. The heat in TX is dangerous and really I have to question your reasoning on wanting to do this.
I agree I think it is coming to the point where you are physically and emotionally getting to the point where taking care of him will just not be possible for you. I know this is hard to accept but his drinking, behavior, mobility, etc are all getting worse and the escalation is quite scary.
**She is not abusing him if that is what the other anonymous is implying. And yes even on pain killers he will never stop with the alcohol.
Hard to believe, but I am a very private person. So is Ron. Neither of us likes people telling us what to do, one reason we enjoy owning our own business.
I am a very proud person as well (so is Ron). Except for the drinking, and my illness, we have a lot in common. Both had difficult childhoods, don't like to ask for anything, don't like being told what to do.
All that comes with "involvement". Since Ron is abusing me I am not worried about that. They can't charge him with verbal abuse and he isn't stupid enough to hit me anymore. I am certain the paramedics documented the fact he was very drunk at the time of his fall.
Ron has told me himself, when he was sober, if he falls under no circumstance call for help unless he is badly injured. Let him sober up and get back in the wheelchair on his own. He reiterated this tonight, I had to tell him he was the one who called the paramedics. So I am just abiding by his wishes.
He is able to run a business, manage the household bills, and complete the sales tax form. He is able to make his own decisions, he is just choosing to make really bad ones right now.
He wouldn't have been in the garage for long - it took maybe 45 minutes to run to work and back. The sun doesn't shine on that side of the house for about 5 hours after he fell. I figured he would sober up and be upright long before then. I also planned to leave the door open to the house and circulate some A/C into there.
We will have to see what the bill totals when it comes. My aunt said it cost her MIL about $400 every time her husband fell. Hopefully it will be cheaper.
Like I said before, we are spending a lot on medication right now, so we don't have a lot to spare.
Heather, Ron's care is getting too much for you to handle! That is not only bad for you, but also, bad for him. Why are you so against putting him in a nursing home. He needs more care than you can give him, it could turn around on you. You could be charged with elder abuse if he really get's hurt. You aren't doing him any favors, you want him to stop drinking, that won't happen living at home. He won't be able to drink in a nursing home, and he might get better pain control in a supervised environment. Are you afraid of the cost? Would you lose the business and your income?
((Hugs)) I have a family member on self destruct too. I feel your pain. I bet part of you feels he chooses the alcohol he signs up for the consequences of laying on the garage floor. I get it
Thank you (garage floor comment).
About the nursing home, yes we lose the business if he went there. He is still able to do most of his activities of daily living, he is just harming himself with alcohol.
He has made a promise to see his regular doc and get a referral for a pain doc next week. Hopefully that will eliminate the drinking, as he claims he is "only" doing it for back pain. If he has another out for the back pain, he swears, he will stop drinking.
I am certain there is something effective and inexpensive out there and look forward to finding it.
Yet in your post he SAID he would KILL himself if he had to stop drinking. So no he is not just doing it for back pain.
About the Eliquis here is link so you can get the drug cheaper direct through the manufacturer:
https://www.goodrx.com/eliquis/savings-tips
About the killing post, I think he was just being dramatic. I am not sure what he will do long term but I am at least hoping to avoid all these - dramas. I'm not sure what was worse today, that Ron had to go to work all scraped up, or the fact that very pointedly no one said anything.
How embarrassing to have to say "I got drunk and fell out of my wheelchair".
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