I slept pretty well last night, and woke up with Torbie and Biscuit in the bed. I love sleeping with my cats. I don't even care if they let me pick them up, or get in my lap, as long as they sleep with me. Biscuit will let me pick him up and hug him, but he's the only one. He will purr while I'm doing it, it's so sweet. Torbie will let me pet her, and get in my lap sometimes, but she doesn't like to be picked up. I'm sure she had a bellyful at the shelter, so I don't "bother" her with it. But they love to sleep with me as much as I love being slept with. Baby Girl is her own cat, very independent, very bonded to Ron, so I let her go her own way. She lets me pet her.
I reset the alarm and did my God Time later, then got up and took my shower. Today was my first day wearing my new capris. They have some elastic in them and have a "generous fit" according to the label, which, to me, means "almost falling off". Apparently that is the new style? The smaller size probably wouldn't fit, or would be embarrassingly tight.
I wore a black t-shirt and my black steel toed sneakers. They are very comfortable. We went to work. Sales were pretty dead. I stocked and did what I could, and helped Ron.
Ron was moody, alternating between that and being appreciative. It was confusing.
We finally finished up and came home. I took a nap. I had Torbie with me at first, but when I woke up she was gone. I guess she left me for treats with Ron, or something.
I had a strange, very sad, dream about my childhood. It lingered after I got up. I still can't shake it. Now, a lot of parts of my childhood were very sad, so I'm not surprised.
One thing that attracted me to Ron, was his attentiveness. He was also outraged at how I was treated in my family of origin. Both were very appealing. Then he started using my family against me, and still does to some extent. Not so attractive. Not so attentive. I guess part of that is a long term relationship, it is very easy to take someone for granted if you are not diligent. Sometimes he is very appreciative, though.
I don't mind caring for his physical needs. 1. I don't see it as "that bad" and 2. I signed up for that. My stepmother asked me, point blank, if I was really serious about marrying an older man because he would most likely need more help as he aged. I said I was fine with that, and I am.
I guess I always figured he would deteriorate on some level, as he aged. I was shocked by the accident but not by the fact that he needs a lot more help these days. I never expected him to age well.
She also asked me if I was OK being the breadwinner, and I said I was, and I am. Not that I am the breadwinner, but Ron and I are intertwined at work. He can't do it without me. He may castigate me now and then for "not helping" but I know I do, in fact, help a great deal. And God knows, so I'm happy.
I know God is keeping track and we will both be held accountable for things we said, did, and in my case, wrote. I am fine with that. It keeps me accountable.
I don't have to avenge myself, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord" Romans 12:19 and "For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” - Hebrews 10:30
So the Bible promises me everything will be sorted out. If I am a long-suffering victim, that will be revealed. If I am a sick game-player, that will also be revealed. It keeps me from playing games or getting bitter.
It would be very easy, at times, to get bitter. I was able to sleep last night and I thank God for that.
After I got up, I did my God Time. We had planned a trip to go to the taqueria but they (paratransit) adjusted the trip, adding 40 minutes. Ron was very upset. He kept cursing the company and yelling at me for "my stomach" wanting to go out. No, I wanted a date night and figured we might as well eat a good, cheap, meal. He did manage to get an earlier pickup but they rode us around for quite a while before they took us home.
The driver kept threatening to "beat" Ron, and I told her I would make a video (egging her on). She said, if she wasn't worried about her job, she'd do it. I liked her. Ron liked her.
We finally got home and I checked the mail. I got a donation for more Bibles, so that is totally awesome. Ron completely balked at the idea of any trips for tomorrow so I will be on my own if I want to go somewhere.
When we got inside, Ron gave the cats some treats and then began drinking, saying he had been sober all day. I know for a fact he was drinking when we got home from work, but I didn't argue with him.
He went to bed. He is down for the count right now, I think.
I am having a small dilemma with the cats. On the one hand, they are rescues. They have all gone hungry. I hate to put them on a diet and limit their dry food, but the are obese. I cut back on their dry food yesterday and poor Biscuit was desperate, he kept putting his front paws on my leg, and his head in my lap, begging. It was adorable, and pitiful. Torbie and Baby Girl were more discreet but just as eager when I did put some dry food in the bowl.
On the plus side, with limited dry food they did eat all the wet food, this time. Normally they leave a fair amount, about a third to a quarter of the can, when they have plenty of dry. If they have a choice between dry and wet, it seems, they want the dry. Of course it has more carbs.
On the one hand I want to be generous, but I don't want them to have any problems from obesity. Torbie is already pretty stiff if she gets up from a lying down position, or resting of any sort. She has to do some cat yoga to loosen up before she can run down the hall, one reason I always tell Ron to give her a minute when he is calling her for treats. The other two cats are fine, they are a lot younger.
I tried to get Torbie some glucosamine but she wouldn't touch it. So I'm out of ideas there. I don't want her on painkillers because I don't think she's in pain, just some stiffness. She loves the heated mattress pad in the winter for that reason, and I always pull the covers off "her" part of the bed so she can lie directly on it. That's one way I got her to sleep with me.
So I will puzzle it out, how much to feed the cats. I know my vet will yell at me because they are fat, but I hate to see them pleading for food, knowing they are reliving memories of starvation.
I'm just a sucker.
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