Cuddles from two cats

So I had a nice night, even if I didn't sleep much.  I slept on my side, Biscuit spooned up next to me, holding his paw in my hand.  He's such a sweet boy. 

Later on, not to be outdone, Torbie not only took a nap with me (sleeping by my head!  My favorite!), she also got up on me during my God Time and 'helped" me pray for you. 

But first I had to go to work.  We went to work.  I stocked.  I helped Ron stock.  I paid the sales tax and mailed it.  I paid the deliveryman.  We got it all done and came home, then I took my nap. 

Torbie joined me, as I've said.  I was a little cold, it was chilly today (50's).  We had the heater on.  Unfortunately I forgot my heated mattress pad's still on the bed, or I could have turned it on and warmed up. 

I got up and got ready to go out with Ron.  We were going to the Indian place.  I got chicken masala.  It was a little spicy but I was able to eat it.  I love the pan bread that comes with the meal.  Ron had already eaten some leftovers so he didn't get, but he did get food to go. 

I had a nice time, and we had a good ride home.  I did my God Time, with Torbie, cleaned the litter boxes (all 5!), washed my hands, and got on the computer.  Things seem pretty quiet online. 

Someone, today, told us she saw us doing one of our Bible Handouts a couple weeks ago (the one when Ron went with me).  I was teasing her about why she didn't stop.  She seemed very warm towards us, I guess she is a believer. 

That's the thing about Bible Handouts, by making an ass out of myself, I make it easier for people to accept a Bible.  I'm not walking around shoving them at people saying "You need to read this".  No, I just stand there like a homeless person (getting the police called on me, at times!), offering.  If you want it, you get it, but it's a no judgement zone. 

Speaking of judgement, a reader had some points about my Dad.  Why don't I ever mention him when I talk about my family? 

Well, he's still alive.  And things on the internet have a way of getting back to the people they're talking about. 

I will say this, my Dad was completely in love with my mother, who was charming, intelligent, beautiful, talented, witty, and an amazing person when she wasn't suffering from bipolar disorder, or the drinking. 

They had a child before me, who died.  It was devastating for both parents, her in particular.  She began drinking again, heavily, at the same time planning her next pregnancy (me).  As a result of her extensive prenatal drinking, I was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 

I believe, based on what my Dad has said, that my mother suffered from post partum depression after my birth.  She neglected me to quite an extent - I stopped growing - and my teenage sister had to take care of both of us. 

Dad had to manage that, and his career.  When they split up, he got custody (there was no question about that), and got a desk job.  He had traveled a lot for work before that.  When my parents divorced, I lost everything, my mother, my sister, even my pet!  All I had was my Dad and he was my whole world.  He was my only caregiver. 

My aunt has always said, if (his mother) my grandmother had known all of this, she would have come to help.  But Dad is stubborn and proud, just like his daughter. 

So it was just me and Dad in our own little world for a couple of years.  Happy times in my memories.  He met my stepmother, and suddenly I wasn't #1 in his world anymore, I was somewhere back down the line.  He turned over all the caregiving to her and went back to traveling again. 

So I was stuck with this strange woman, and her 3 kids, who really didn't like me. Dad was right in that she took "care" of me, I was fed, bathed, taught to do chores, educated about female health, all of that. 

In other ways, I think most would say they failed me.  But they will answer to God on that.  And that's where I'm going: They will answer to God. 

I try to live my life so my hands are clean on judgment day.  I have enough to answer for as it is.  So I won't throw rocks. 

In the case of my Dad, he will only believe the truth when God shows him.  Nothing I have said has gotten through, even threatening to cut off contact unless he faced what happened to me.  He said he would choose his wife, over his daughter, so I know where I stand, don't I?   I was pretty bitter about that for some years, I just didn't have a blog. 

But I believe my Dad, deep in his heart, always did what he felt was best for me.  I can't say that for the rest of them, and that's why I "let him off easy".  Dad will face the truth one day, and it will be a terrible shock.  I feel bad for him, actually. 

At least I know what I've done.