Wednesday

I got up around 8 and took my shower, did my God Time.  Ron only interrupted me once.  He didn't know I was "doing it".  He always goes on a long winded rant if he knows I am doing my God Time.  Then he ends it with "But don't lose your faith!"  No, that would give him too much pleasure.  Then he would start freaking out that he "broke" me and God was going to get him. 

My faith increases with Ron's verbal abuse.  He doesn't get that.  He thinks he can shame, tirade, and lecture me into being angry at God (like him).  He will even tell me I'm not angry at Ron, I'm angry at God.  No, I'm angry at Ron for being an abusive [censored], but I don't say that of course. 

Anyway, I emailed the boss.  I had a question about the audit.  From what I understand, they just need the receipts and meter readings (accountability info).  They don't need the actual report because they have that on their server.  I can't print up the report off my computer, my printer will only do the heading and none of the page.  So I will either have to hand write the whole thing out on paper or just submit the stuff they really want, the receipts and meter readings.  I emailed him, asking him what he wanted me to do. 

He is also trying to reconcile all the equipment in the inventory, with each vendor.  Apparently things are messed up and people aren't on record as having their stuff.  So he's trying to clean that mess, too. 

And he just had back surgery.  I don't envy him one bit.  He may get a tasty vacation package, but I wouldn't want to work for the State, it's a lot of red tape. 

OK (sigh) let's go check my email and see what he wants me to do.  Oh, he didn't get back to me.  But I have a lot of comments on my other posts.  I really appreciated the positive ones as I'm feeling a little raw right now. 

So, I got back on the computer after doing my God Time and then I tried to take a nap.  Not much luck with that one, but I had at least Biscuit in the bed with me.  Biscuit is becoming very cuddly.  I got up and started getting ready, we were going to Denny's. 

Ron got up and began drinking.  He asked me how many shots he'd had.  How do I know?  I told him I had no idea and he cursed me, then went back for more. 

I reminded him, again, there are pain clinics.  I am on one message board in particular.  A lot of the guys on the board are injured military veterans with severe chronic pain.  They are all helped in various ways by medication.  One has a morphine pump.  I reminded him pain clinics exist and they help a lot of people.  He didn't have to treat his pain with alcohol.  He rejected the concept and kept drinking. 

Our ride came and he could barely get into the vehicle.  We went to the restaurant.  He began shouting at me in the restaurant, talking about how he didn't want to come, he was a "slave to your fat stomach", etc. 

The one poster is right, I should have walked away.  Instead, I just sat there, horrified.  He went on for a while but did stop when the waiter came by to ask if everything was OK.  He was a very young guy, probably in college, and eager to please. 

I ordered my "slam" and it came quickly.  I began eating.  Ron ordered soup and began eating that, still complaining loudly, now and then, about what a "burden" I was and how I'm so demanding. 

The waiter came by again and asked if we were fighting.  I smiled and told him no, Ron was just angry he had to get dressed and come to the restaurant, when he was lying in bed.  All true and basically the root of his anger.  Ron agreed. 

Then I started talking about Baby Girl (Ron's cat) and he softened.  It's impossible to be angry when you're thinking about a cat, unless something awful has been done to it.  But Baby Girl is plump and cute and adores her Daddy.  So Ron calmed down, thinking about her. 

We finished our meal and came home.  I checked the mail and found 4 books for Ron, he'd been out and was very happy to get them.  I got on the computer. 

Ron started yelling for me.  I sighed and got up.  He was in bed, with Biscuit on top of him, little claws hooked in his shirt.  It was cute.  Ron wanted me to take a photo so I did it.  The same guy who was verbally slashing me, had turned into a totally different man.  For a while.  It's confusing. 

I am waiting for "my" Bibles.  Actually, they are 93% sponsors Bibles and 7% "mine".  They should be here anytime from tonight to next week.  I have some candy by the door (with a scripture booklet, I really try not to miss any opportunities) for the driver. 

I also have $20 additional donation I need to figure out how to spend.  I am thinking to go to Lifeway and get some New Testaments.  Ron mentioned he felt the whole Bible was "too boring" and maybe it would be better to start the recipients on a New Testament, instead.  I could bring a lot more on the Handouts, but it's not about volume.  I need to pray on this and get some advice. 

In the meantime, I have 100 whole Bibles somewhere in transit, headed my way.  OK, a lot of comments, so I will go now and respond to them. 

I will ask for prayer, I get burned out sometimes.  Ron is so bitter and resentful about doing anything for me, all I need is a ride now and then, but he acts like I'm asking him to give a kidney or something.  Anything that gets between him, the bottle, and bed, is a bitter enemy of his and it wearies me. 

In the meantime, I continue to pray for y'all daily.  I consider that sacred.