Thoughtful understanding

I slept OK, just not long enough.  When I woke up to Torbie in my bed, I hit the snooze button.  A lot.  I finally got up and got ready for work. 

First ride was fine.  It was a driver we like, who also likes Gospel Rap.  He was playing "Not today, Satan" on the way to work.  He was impressed I knew it. 

We got to work and did what we could.  I had to take the money out and count it (privately), then we went to the bank.  Well, we tried.

It was a big van, and he was training a new driver.  God doesn't want me to talk about other people, negatively.  I will just say I don't think she's up to the job.  For instance, she could not follow directions.  The trainer had to spoon feed her each step, change lanes here, turn here, etc.  It really slowed things down.  We had about a 10 mile trip.  It took almost 2 hours to get there (we had some other stops, but still...). 

I was exhausted by the time I got to the bank, and really biting my tongue.  I wanted to tell the trainer he had BETTER NOT pass her on the evaluation.  I didn't. 

We went in and did our business.  I got paid (good thing, as I'd just paid my health insurance).  We called a cab to go home. 

He was nice enough, but he tried too hard to be "funny".  It would have been a much more pleasant trip if he hadn't tried so hard.  He was older than me, and he kept talking "My mother this" and "My mother that".  After we got home, Ron said he must be a mama's boy.  It was almost as exhausting as the other trip. 

We finally got home and into the house.  It was pretty late.  I took a short (45 minutes) nap and then did most of my God Time (I did the rest before I got online).  Then we went to Denny's. 

Ron was in a bad mood most of the day.  One thing I ask God for is "thoughtful understanding" between married couples.  I didn't get it, today.  That's all I'll say.  He wasn't any uglier than usual but he could have been a lot nicer. 

He finally perked up once he started eating.  Maybe he was hangry.  I don't know.  We had a good ride to come home. 

Ron hasn't complained about his back today, and I have to admit my mood has been pretty good, considering.  I was delighted when I walked up to the front of the house right as the UPS man dropped the first case of Bibles on my porch.  I was able to give him some candy and thank him.  He had over 100# of "product" to move.  He's very nice about it.  It says "Bibles" on the boxes so I'm sure he knows what he's doing. 

So I have 100 Bibles.  That makes me happy, especially as I was almost out.  Ron is trying to schedule a Bible Handout for tomorrow.  He has been a good sport about going.  I think it helps that he gets chicken, after. 

I just overheard Ron talked to a dispatcher.  He is really pleased I move the Bibles faster when he's around.  It's true.  I move them significantly faster.  I don't get it, I've done plenty of Handouts all over Houston, but this is the first venue I've had where I move them faster with Ron, than without.  Generally they go at the same pace regardless.  Not here. 

Oh, well.  If it was the same Handout every time I'd be bored.  You'd be bored, reading about it. 

I have Torbie lying by my foot.  She wants me to tell you I stopped feeding them wet food.  They just weren't interested.  So I'll feed them dry.  The vet won't be happy, but the cats will. 

Off I go to have some fun before I go to bed tonight. 

Until I drop

Another bad night for Ron (and me), but he is doing well today, it seems.  He's mainly hanging out in bed with the cats. 

I got up pretty early and did my computer, God Time, and shower (not in that order).  Then I got on the computer again. 

I talked to Ron, some.  He wants to move his vodka bottle into his bedroom because it's "too hard" to walk up to the kitchen and get it.  I told him he should practice taking the wheelchair up and down the hall, a couple of times an hour, to build up his strength but he doesn't seem to want to do that. 

The last time he had the vodka in the bedroom, he was doing unconscious drinking and having massive blackouts.  So he will have to learn this again, for himself. 

Probably keep me up a few nights,though. 

I took a nap, slept pretty well, I had Torbie.  She slept under my arm and was very cute.  When I got up she went back to Ron. 

I woke up with a headache but I decided to tough it out, it worked.  I think it was just a little dehydrated.  I go though a lot of water every day. 

I watched some TV for a while, ate, offered to fix Ron something (I try to be a "good wife") and, just now, got back on the computer. 

Now I need to go to bed pretty shortly.  I just pray no one else put pennies in the vending machine.  I can fix it but I would rather not get the bad will from the customers, and the lost sales. 

So, off I go.  Never fear, I prayed for you today, will do it tomorrow, and will continue to pray until I drop. 

Saturday

So, another bad night, although Ron said he "slept fine".  Why he kept waking me up, then, is anyone's guess. 

I got up, got on the computer for a while, did my shower and God Time.  When I'm not working, and even when I am, I like to read "Operation World" it is a guidebook to praying for all the nations.  It breaks down every country into days.  Some countries, like China, go over several days.  Other countries are grouped together for one day.  The idea is to read that day's selection, and pray for the particular needs of the country.  Hopefully some, who are able to serve (not me [sad face]) will be drawn to serve various countries.  It's a really cool book. 

I found it when I was looking for something, for Eric, a couple of weeks ago.  So now it's back in rotation.  I was happy doing my God Time - and that's something I think the atheists don't get - even if there is not a God (and I believe there is), it makes me feel better, centers me, etc.  Even Al anon says I should do "meditation" every day.  I just call it "God Time" and incorporate a lot of prayer and Bible Study. 

So I did my shower and God Time.  When I finished, it was pretty late.  Ron woke up.  I decided to eat my leftovers and take a nap.  I ate my leftovers and took my medication (second dose, already did the first).  Then I took a nap. 

I had a little trouble falling asleep but I did.  I don't remember my dreams this time, but they weren't bad.  I would remember that. 

I got up with a headache.  Oh, fun.  I took some fake Excedrin and I forget what I did for the next couple hours.  Watched TV, probably.  Around 6 my time I called my parents.  We talked for a while.  they hung up pretty quick when Ron showed up and kept thanking them for raising "a wonderful daughter". 

And there it was, lots of praise for me, after I hung up.  I am wonderful.  I am so special.  Thanks for taking care of him.  Etc. 

He told me he was having trouble getting to the kitchen these days and I said he was lazy, if all he does is lie in bed (the case), than of course he wouldn't be able to get around.  He needs to get up and practice getting back and forth before he loses the ability to go the bathroom on his own.  He didn't argue, and he would have if he didn't agree. 

I started cleaning the litter boxes (we have 5).  At first it was more praise, I am great, I am such a good parent to the cats, etc.  Then he started mumbling unintelligible gibberish so I told him I couldn't "hear" him.  I couldn't hear him, or understand him, but it was all gibberish.  He told me we should let the cats run loose, outside, so they wouldn't use the box.  The whole point of keeping them inside is safety.  I told him it was a bad idea.  Then he tried to tell me not to do all the boxes.  Why would I only do half?  That's just dumb.  I told him no, I would do them all.  That's all I said. 

He blew up and screamed at me, accusing me of complaining (I never did) and cursing me out.  He had apparently reached his alcohol limit.  He even got angry when I topped the boxes off with more litter.  I had to explain it's so the pee clumps wouldn't stick to the plastic. 

He hung out in the kitchen for a while, quiet, while I focused on my computer in the other room.  He left me alone, I left him alone.  He asked if I wanted takeout.  It is 9 PM.  No.  He heated up something in the microwave and went to bed. 

I am going to talk to him tomorrow.  He is almost out of vodka.  Last time he got very drunk, drank all the vodka, called Alex to come bring more, and then gave Alex a $200 tip.  I want to prevent that from happening again.  I will suggest Ron order more alcohol when he is sober and remain sober during the entire transaction, so he doesn't waste more money.  I couldn't believe it when he did that.  You know how many Bibles I could buy?  Cab rides to handout venues?  Disgusting.  Ron also let Baby Girl out when he was talking to Alex, so he needs to stay sober.  I would have been furious if he had let out one of 'my" cats. 

Ron did feel a little bad about Baby Girl but not very.  I felt worse for her than Ron did.  Poor cat, out in a thunderstorm. 

Ron is really accelerating and not in a good way.  I shudder to think where this will end up.   Until then I will focus on the good things, like Torbie lying on my foot and being cute.  Hopefully she will sleep with me tonight. 

That always makes for a good night, even if I can't sleep. 

Tired

Rough night.  Ron was up all night with his back, and I had nightmares,  The most notable nightmare was one about my sister stalking me. 

Ron woke me up early and said he didn't want to do our supply run today.  I agreed.  He cancelled it. 

I woke up for good sometime around when I'd be unloading the truck at work.  I'm sure they are wondering where we went but they'll live. 

Ugh.  Tired. 

Friday

Ron had another bad night.  I keep encouraging him to go to a pain clinic. 

I slept late and barely took a shower, then got ready for work.  We went to work.  First thing I heard "Your machine took my money".  I opened it up and COIN JAM.  Someone put pennies in the machine.  Again.  For the third time.  I don't know whether it is just ignorance (who puts pennies in a vending machine?) or willful sabotage.  I honestly don't want to know, unless it is ignorance. 

I told Ron to give me the wide wheelchair and I sat in it while I fixed the machine.  I had to take out all the jammed coins and disassemble the mechanism, clean it out, and reassemble it.  Then I found a dime stuck where it shouldn't be, fixed that, tested it, works.  OK. 

Then I helped Ron with "his" machines and filled "mine".  It took a while, we came right up to our pickup time.  Got it all done, though. 

We came home and I took a nap.  I was really tired and overslept.  I didn't have time to do my God Time.  I helped Ron get dressed and we went out for fish. 

There's a fried fish restaurant near our home.  It is a family style place, with lots of outdoor seating.  Normally we go earlier in the day, and it is nice and quiet, just office workers taking their lunches. 

It was fine at first.  We got a waitress we like and she was very helpful.  We got our food and it was delicious (we have plenty of leftovers).  I always get a little sad, eating catfish, thinking about Gravy (Biscuit's brother).  Gravy loved catfish.  I used to call it "meowfish" because he would meow so much when he smelled it.  But Gravy is with Jesus now so he's happier. 

Then they showed up, two women speaking Spanish, with two kids in tow.  I knew we would have a problem when they let the toddler loose on the floor.  She ran around, shoving chairs, getting closer and closer to Ron's wheelchair. 

I kept looking at the women, the mother in particular.  The waitress, rather pointedly, I thought, brought out a high-chair.  Put your kid in the chair.  She did, for a couple of minutes, but the baby started whining (because the mother was ignoring, it, talking to her friend, taking selfies, drinking beer, and eating oysters) so they put it down again.  Then it came over and started shoving on Ron's wheelchair. 

That got the mother to pull it away - Mexicans are very superstitious about disabilities and their equipment.  One woman told me if I sat in a wheelchair I would end up needing one.  It's 26 years later and so far so good!  But it just shows the mindset, if my kid touches a wheelchair she will end up needing one.  So they finally pulled her off and sent her in another direction.  She went and bothered a couple of other tables.  And the women kept drinking, eating oysters, talking, and taking selfies. 

Next time, I told Ron, we're coming earlier.  I don't mind a well behaved child but most of the ones these days are feral monsters, only appeased by the use of their parents cell phone.  All they do is scream and run wild, getting into other people's stuff. 

I had one kid actually try to get into the bag I keep on the back of Ron's wheelchair.  I couldn't believe it.  Again, Mexican parents, they freaked out that he was touching a wheelchair and dragged him off.  But bad parenting! 

We came home.  I have to send an itemized inventory of our equipment to the boss, and then do my God Time, before I go to bed. 

Hopefully we will sleep OK tonight. 

Bratty toddler

Grabbing on Ron's wheelchair while the mother drinks beer and takes selfies.  Ugh.

A trip to Walmart

Yesterday, at dinner, Ron threw $40 at me across the table and told me to take a cab to Walmart.  Each trip (one way) costs about $14 so that's a decent tip for the driver. 

Most drivers would rather have $20+ trips, they hate the little ones. 

We came home, I did my blog, and went to bed.  Ron apparently missed a dose of his medication and was up all night in agony.  Lots of moaning and cries of pain. 

If I were a vindictive sort, I would have enjoyed it, as it was I just wished he would feel better so we could both get some sleep.  I tossed and turned all night, and finally got up at 8:30. 

I got on the computer for a while, and took my shower at 9:30.  Then I did my God Time.  Totally done at 11:22.   I got dressed and called the cab company. 

It works like this, you call the number, and, if you have used them before, it says "I have your address as ____.  If this is correct, press one."  It had my address correct so I did.  Within, I'd say, 10 minutes I had a ride to Walmart. 

It was a Spanish fellow, he was nice enough.  Op!  That reminds me, I need to order more Spanish Scripture booklets.  Done.  I got 75, that ought to hold me for a while. 

He dropped me off without any problems.  I got a cart and started shopping.  Item number one, I wanted to buy some Keratin shampoo.  I like what it does for my hair.  I am a little sick of the Moroccan stuff I have been using.  I like to have a couple of bottles of shampoo in rotation.  I have the clarifying "volume" formula, the Moroccan, and a cheap bottle of 2 in one I like to use on days when I am in a hurry (it rinses out faster than the other stuff).  I saw some, and thought about getting it, but then I saw "Rose oil shampoo".  I love roses, and their fragrance. . I had to take a sniff.  It was divine.  My hair would smell like roses all day long!  It was a volume formula. 

I'm one of the few people I know who likes her hair.  It is thick, wavy, I like the gray streaks.  It is a nice length to wear down on my shoulders, or in a ponytail.  I don't feel I need to "fix" any issues. 

I will say it's oily, if I don't wash it every day it can look pretty greasy.  So I needed something I would like to use every day.  I didn't need a volume formula.  Ideally it would have had a rose fragrance and a keratin formula, but rose + volume was fine.  It was $5.  I put it in the cart. 

Next item on the list, canned food.  I like to have a lot of canned food on hand.  I have an aging refrigerator that is making strange noises, so I don't want a lot of money tied up in perishables.  I got some stuff, including my comfort food: plain spaghettios.  I didn't get anything for Ron, even though I knew he wanted some Vienna Sausage.  I did call him and went to voicemail so I skipped buying them.  I only had about $100 so I didn't want to spend it all on him. 

I got some breakfast bars.  I can have them with milk in the morning and get my protein, without getting a migraine.  I like the Lara Bars.  They have very limited ingredients, like 3-4.  It's great.  No mysterious migraine triggers or unpronouncable ingredients. 

Drinks.  I had to be honest with myself.  I'm not drinking any more soda at home, I have most of  case of sparkling water for that.  But aspartame.  Did I want to get the powdered diet drink mixes, knowing they have aspartame?  I decided I did.  I got some lemonade.  I didn't get any tea because I have plain, decaf, unsweetened tea powder.  I make up 2 quarts every day. 

I stuck that in the cart, added it to my mental total, and moved on.  I got a gallon of whole, organic, milk.  It is more expensive but I like to think the cows are treated better, fed better, and the milk lasts way longer than conventional. 

I skipped the chips, but I did get a bag of pretzels (less than $1) in case I end up fiending for something salty.  I got a gallon of bleach because that's a good thing to have on hand, and I am almost out.   You get the idea, I did my shopping. 

It was nice not to have a deadline hanging over my head.  I did get one interesting thing.  #32 rubber bands.  Why, you may ask. 

Well, I use a lot of #64 rubber bands when times are good and we are taking money out of the vending machines.  It has to be rubber banded, you can't have it loose. 

But I was thinking about my New Testaments.  I have @ 100 New Testaments in a case.  I also have some custom bookmarks a guy made me, they are laminated with Bible verses.  Look this up if you are angry, etc. 

Long term readers will remember "Where to look in the New Testament".  That's what it is.  But if I put it in the New Testaments, they fall out.  I need to make them stay.  And I also like to put a tract into the New Testament, too.  But they fall out. 

Solution, #32 rubber bands.  I can put the tract and bookmark into the Bible, and then rubber band it so the material stays put.  It will be a little work, but something perfect to do when I'm a little manic. 

I also got soap flakes.  But Heather, you have an HE washer!  You can't use soap flakes in an HE!  That's right.  But I can use them in a bucket, to clean my Bible Handout bag, which is getting a little dingy.  Again, on one of those slightly manic "I need something to do" days. 

I was done.  I checked out.  I gave the cashier a bag of candy and a Bible Promise book.  I went to McDonald's and got a large vanilla shake and a double cheeseburger, only ketchup.  I ate my food, wishing I had brought my pills, but figured I had the other burger to eat later if I needed. 

I finished up and pushed my cart (I had 3 reusable tote bags, filled with my stuff) outside, and called Yellow.  Now, if you are not at the address they have in the computer, you have to press 0 and talk to an operator.  So I did.  I asked her to make sure she put "only has 3 bags" in my notes.  I know a lot of drivers hate Walmart trips because the client has so.  many.  bags. 

I was worried.  One Sunday, you may remember, I went to Walmart and waited over two and a half hours for a cab.  It was awful.  I ended up calling Chuck to come get me. 

But it was a weekday, and I had told them I only had 3 things.  Sure enough, I got a ride in, again, about 10 minutes. 

It was a nice Spanish lady who helped me put my stuff up.  We had some trouble with language, so she handed her phone back and had me input my address into her GPS program.  That worked.  We got home and she got a nice tip.  She even helped me carry my stuff into the garage. 

I went in and started putting stuff away.  I was most worried about the milk, my only perishable item.  Well, and the hamburger.  I can eat that tomorrow night. 

I put the canned stuff on the empty shelf I had cleared out, and put almost everything away.  Not sure where I'm going to put the soap flakes.  I don't want to put them in the laundry room "lest" I forget they are not for my washer, and use them.  The rubber bands can go in the case of Bibles. 

Once I got all that I went and said Hi to Ron, who was awake.  Then I took a nap because, like I said, I got NO sleep last night. 

I slept for about an hour and a half, kind of fitful because I had a lot of diet soda today.  But I got a little rest. 

When I got up I talked to Ron about tomorrow and did a load of laundry.  It's working right now.  Now I'm trying to remember if I put the detergent pak in the washer.  Yes, I did. 

Ron is feeling better.  He is talking about getting an adjustable bed.  "Not a hospital bed".  A hospital bed would be ideal for him, actually, but he has to clear out 14 years' worth of stuff from under his current bed. 

His old mattress is utterly trashed.  It's almost 20 years old, too.  He has a nice steel bed base, so we got rid of the box spring.  It has more room underneath.  I have one of those bed bases on my bed and it's amazing what I can fit under there.  My Ikea mattress has been very confortable, it only cost about $200 for a queen. 

I had a headache when I woke up, but the Excedrin did the job  Mostly.  I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't have a lot of headaches.  I know I used to get less, but medication.  And I have to take my medication. 

Oh, some cat drama.  Biscuit was eating the dry food I keep on the floor (to make it more accessible for Torbie).  Torbie showed up and began sniffing him intently.  Then she bit his tail.  He turned around and raised a paw to her, and she gave a mighty hiss.  He went back to eating and things settled down. 

I didn't give Biscuit any wet food today because he didn't touch it yesterday.  I am not opening up cans of cat food to throw away.  I'm just not.  He likes his dry, he can eat that.  I know my vet says I should feed more wet, but he's not eating it.  So I won't.  Not for a while. 

They really like the Blue Grain Free Salmon.  I'll feed that.  I also feed freeze dried fish treats to the girls, Biscuit won't touch them.  Biscuit really isn't a "treat" cat.  He isn't interested.  He wants dry food.  As long as he has his dry he is a happy boy. 

The cats didn't sleep with me last night, or during my nap today.  I guess they could tell I wasn't going to get a good night's sleep anyway. 

So, I did it.  I went and did my main shopping excursion by myself and didn't get ditched at the Walmart.  Hopefully I will build a good reputation as "Heather 999-9999" and people will be eager to take my trips.  I like to think I'm a pretty good tipper and I give candy, too. 

Everyone but the diabetics are into that. 

Wednesday

I got up around 8 and took my shower, did my God Time.  Ron only interrupted me once.  He didn't know I was "doing it".  He always goes on a long winded rant if he knows I am doing my God Time.  Then he ends it with "But don't lose your faith!"  No, that would give him too much pleasure.  Then he would start freaking out that he "broke" me and God was going to get him. 

My faith increases with Ron's verbal abuse.  He doesn't get that.  He thinks he can shame, tirade, and lecture me into being angry at God (like him).  He will even tell me I'm not angry at Ron, I'm angry at God.  No, I'm angry at Ron for being an abusive [censored], but I don't say that of course. 

Anyway, I emailed the boss.  I had a question about the audit.  From what I understand, they just need the receipts and meter readings (accountability info).  They don't need the actual report because they have that on their server.  I can't print up the report off my computer, my printer will only do the heading and none of the page.  So I will either have to hand write the whole thing out on paper or just submit the stuff they really want, the receipts and meter readings.  I emailed him, asking him what he wanted me to do. 

He is also trying to reconcile all the equipment in the inventory, with each vendor.  Apparently things are messed up and people aren't on record as having their stuff.  So he's trying to clean that mess, too. 

And he just had back surgery.  I don't envy him one bit.  He may get a tasty vacation package, but I wouldn't want to work for the State, it's a lot of red tape. 

OK (sigh) let's go check my email and see what he wants me to do.  Oh, he didn't get back to me.  But I have a lot of comments on my other posts.  I really appreciated the positive ones as I'm feeling a little raw right now. 

So, I got back on the computer after doing my God Time and then I tried to take a nap.  Not much luck with that one, but I had at least Biscuit in the bed with me.  Biscuit is becoming very cuddly.  I got up and started getting ready, we were going to Denny's. 

Ron got up and began drinking.  He asked me how many shots he'd had.  How do I know?  I told him I had no idea and he cursed me, then went back for more. 

I reminded him, again, there are pain clinics.  I am on one message board in particular.  A lot of the guys on the board are injured military veterans with severe chronic pain.  They are all helped in various ways by medication.  One has a morphine pump.  I reminded him pain clinics exist and they help a lot of people.  He didn't have to treat his pain with alcohol.  He rejected the concept and kept drinking. 

Our ride came and he could barely get into the vehicle.  We went to the restaurant.  He began shouting at me in the restaurant, talking about how he didn't want to come, he was a "slave to your fat stomach", etc. 

The one poster is right, I should have walked away.  Instead, I just sat there, horrified.  He went on for a while but did stop when the waiter came by to ask if everything was OK.  He was a very young guy, probably in college, and eager to please. 

I ordered my "slam" and it came quickly.  I began eating.  Ron ordered soup and began eating that, still complaining loudly, now and then, about what a "burden" I was and how I'm so demanding. 

The waiter came by again and asked if we were fighting.  I smiled and told him no, Ron was just angry he had to get dressed and come to the restaurant, when he was lying in bed.  All true and basically the root of his anger.  Ron agreed. 

Then I started talking about Baby Girl (Ron's cat) and he softened.  It's impossible to be angry when you're thinking about a cat, unless something awful has been done to it.  But Baby Girl is plump and cute and adores her Daddy.  So Ron calmed down, thinking about her. 

We finished our meal and came home.  I checked the mail and found 4 books for Ron, he'd been out and was very happy to get them.  I got on the computer. 

Ron started yelling for me.  I sighed and got up.  He was in bed, with Biscuit on top of him, little claws hooked in his shirt.  It was cute.  Ron wanted me to take a photo so I did it.  The same guy who was verbally slashing me, had turned into a totally different man.  For a while.  It's confusing. 

I am waiting for "my" Bibles.  Actually, they are 93% sponsors Bibles and 7% "mine".  They should be here anytime from tonight to next week.  I have some candy by the door (with a scripture booklet, I really try not to miss any opportunities) for the driver. 

I also have $20 additional donation I need to figure out how to spend.  I am thinking to go to Lifeway and get some New Testaments.  Ron mentioned he felt the whole Bible was "too boring" and maybe it would be better to start the recipients on a New Testament, instead.  I could bring a lot more on the Handouts, but it's not about volume.  I need to pray on this and get some advice. 

In the meantime, I have 100 whole Bibles somewhere in transit, headed my way.  OK, a lot of comments, so I will go now and respond to them. 

I will ask for prayer, I get burned out sometimes.  Ron is so bitter and resentful about doing anything for me, all I need is a ride now and then, but he acts like I'm asking him to give a kidney or something.  Anything that gets between him, the bottle, and bed, is a bitter enemy of his and it wearies me. 

In the meantime, I continue to pray for y'all daily.  I consider that sacred. 

And then he does this

Ron yelling at me in a Denny's

Not fun.

About my day

I woke up with a headache.  Agh.  I was worried it might morph into a migraine, but the Excedrin killed it.  Good thing, because I forgot to bring more Excedrin on the Handout.  That could have been really bad if I had a rebound headache while I was working. 

I've done Handouts with a migraine and it is Not Fun.  Thank God I got to avoid it today. 

I took my shower, used some lotion on my hands because they were "ashy" (dry).  I normally don't bother with lotion because I wash my hands a lot (a peril of working in food service).  I did my God Time, taking special focus on the recipients. 

I would love to say I pray with a laser focus, but my mind can wander at times.  It is not uncommon for me to start thinking about a vending machine, for instance, halfway through praying for missionaries.  I know God understands but I find it embarrassing.  Maybe it's medication related, maybe everyone has this, no one's talking about it,though.  I do my best. 

Doing anything is better than doing nothing, but I do try to focus, and ask God, repeatedly, for a good focus. 

That done I bagged up some candy.  I had 2 drivers and the lady at the chicken place, so they each got a bag of candy with a scripture booklet.  The book does all the witnessing, has 300 Bible verses, etc.  Really awesome ministry tool and they are FREE!  Look at my World Missionary Press link.  They would love a donation, too. 

That done, I got dressed.  I wore my "new" capris (the long ones) and a purple microfiber t-shirt.  I wore my cheap black sneakers, they cost about $12 from Walmart and are surprisingly comfortable.  I try to dress cheap on the Handouts so I'm on the level, or a little lower than, the recipients.  I don't want them to see me as some haughty judger there to condemn them. 

I left my fanny pack but did bring some cash.  I wore my bus pass just in case, worst case, we had to take the bus home. 

Then I got everything together.  One time I did a Handout and forgot the sign.  You know how hard that was?  It was awful!  I made sure I had my bag, and my sign.  I brought kid Bibles.  I brought Spanish.  I forgot the Bible Promise books.  Then I dug a couple of loose Bibles out of their case and added them to the bag.  Then I checked the 2 cases of Bibles I had left, and got the last one of the NKJV.  I got Ron's "battleaxe" wheelchair, it is wider and very ruggedly constructed, better for a Handout. 

I had to nag Ron to get dressed.  He had a good thing going on, lounging around in bed in his underwear with Baby Girl.  I finally got him dressed. 

Ron asked me something sad this morning.  "When are you going to put me in a nursing home?'  I thought about it.  Really thought about it. 

"Why do you think I'm going to do that?"

"Well, I had a really hard time getting to my vodka last night, and I thought 'Heather won't help'" [PRAISE GOD he gets I will not provide him with alcohol] "And it got me thinking you might..." 

I thought about it some more.  "Honestly?"  Ron affirmed he wanted me to be honest.  "When you won't let me sleep.  That's when I would put you in a nursing home." 

"But I let you sleep!" 

"Exactly.  You don't have anything to worry about as long as you let me sleep."  It's true.  That would be the one thing that would make me say "I'm done here, someone else take over".  So he knows.  When he had the head injury dementia (6 months of fun!), that's what bothered me the most, him waking me up constantly. 

So, that done he got dressed and got into the wheelchair.  I had the Bible bag on the back of the wheelchair.  I just put one handle over each wheelchair handle, it hung nicely.  I had the candy, and 2 bottles of tepid water, in a bag on the wheelchair also.  Then we had the case of Bibles. 

When the ride arrived, I put the case in Ron's lap, took him to the vehicle, took it out of his lap, and stuck it in the back of the vehicle.  The ride was pretty uneventful, except I got something in my (bad) eye.  My right eye is significantly "blinder" than my left (good) eye.  So I use my left eye for most everything, per an eye doctor.  I held my eye open and let it water, until it flushed the offending speck out of my eye.  Oh, that was uncomfortable. 

By the time we got to the venue I was fine.  I put the Bibles in Ron's lap and got him out to the median.  I took them out of his lap and then bumped him up on the median.  I gave him his sign and he held it up while I got the Bibles open.  They use some really fierce tape on those boxes.  I had to get my keys and saw at it. 

I didn't mention this in my update, but everyone wanted to give us money.  Ron and I had to start telling people we had a house, and our own business, before they would put their money away.  One woman tried to give me money, but would not take a Bible.  I wish she had. 

You already read about the Handout.  After we finished I had Ron mash up the empty Bible box.  It has my name and address on it, so I dispose of it at home.  Ron folded it up and sat on it until we got home.  We went to the gas station, first.  I got Skittles (about the only candy that doesn't give me a migraine), and some Queso chips.  We got some Diet Dr Peppers.  I saw they had a really extensive collection of alcohol drinks and thought it was sad. 

The clerk seems to like us, we are pretty polar opposites of the average customer he deals with.  He rang us up with a smile and we went next door to the chicken place.  Ron wanted a 2 piece, I got a bacon cheeseburger.  I forgot to ask for no mustard or onions. 

If I ever meet you, and you want to bring me a hamburger, no mustard, no onions.  Thank you! 

Ron got his chicken and they cooked my food.  We drank our soda and Ron ate his drumstick.  They brought my food, which was still pretty good in spite of the mustard.  The bacon was spectacular.  Now I want to do an early morning Handout so I can try their breakfast. 

I have money budgeted (my own money) for evangelism transportation and snacks.  I always want to be putting money into the program, not taking it out.  I have to answer to God for how I handled the money people send me. 

I didn't eat my chips or candy, but I did drink both sodas.  Ron called around and found a cab not far away, he came quicker than he said (very unusual, generally cabs will fib and say they are closer than they are).  We got everything loaded and went home.  I wrote my update and put everything away. 

Then I tried to take a nap.  But all those Dr Peppers had come back to haunt me.  I am very sensitive to caffeine.  I finally started to doze off and then BAM #6's yard guys fired up their equipment.  I'll remind you the side of my house (and bedroom) is the property line so they were weed whacking right up against my foundation and making a horrific racket.  [bad word] 

I finally got up and told Ron I was up.  I didn't want him tiptoeing, trying to be quiet and not wake me up, so I wouldn't put him in a nursing home. 

Ron's back to his underwear, in bed, this time, with Torbie, who is happily laying next to him enjoying the fan.  We think Baby Girl is the morning cat, and Torbie is the afternoon one.  It would make sense. 

That's it for now!  Remember I am praying for you every day, whether I say so or not.  (((Hugs)))

You atheists can probably skip this one

A small rant.  I have been thinking about that guy today, from the Bible Handout.  The one who told me I can't earn my way to heaven. 

I know that.   His implication was that was the only reason someone would go do evangelism.  Well, we're commanded by Jesus to go preach the gospel to ALL the nations.  My Bible says this.  Jesus was all about sending people to reach the unreached.  That's what He wants us to do!

It's fine to get saved and work on your own faith life.  In fact, it's important.  It's equally important to engage in intercessory (praying for others) prayer and finding out how God wants you to engage in evangelism.  Eric, for instance, does a lot of work online.  That's his forum.  Mine is a ghetto corner in "Gunspoint".  But we all have a place, and something we're meant to do. 

God wants us working.  We have to find out how He wants us working and go do it.  I believe this with all my heart. 

Why?  Because Jesus asked us to do it.  We don't need to evangelize to be saved, but it should be an outgrowth of getting saved. 

Always remember, people are dying and going to hell.  I have enough blood on my hands, as I've said, I did nothing to ensure my mother's salvation.  By God's grace she was saved anyway.  On another occasion, I flat-out told my boss that I didn't think Jesus was the only way to Heaven.  I was, and am, very ashamed I said that. 

No more.  Now it's hard to shut me up about my faith.  I'm surprised I have any unreached readers. 

One of the saddest posts I ever read was on Rapture Ready.  It is a Christian message board.  Anyway, one woman found out that her coworker, who had been "out sick" for a while, actually had terminal cancer.  She was desperate to go talk to him and share her faith, as she had never shared it with him before.  Sadly, he died before she could do so and she can only presume he died unreached and went to hell.  It was heartbreaking for her. 

Everyone who knows me knows my boss is Jesus.  I work for Him.  I care only to please Him, not myself, not Ron, but Jesus.  If I'm doing that, I'm happy.  I ask for His help everyday (that prayer I was talking about), for myself and for others trying to do His will, and of course the unreached. 

Remember, I think, when the unreached die, they go to hell.  That everyone who rejects God dies and goes to hell.  I don't want that to happen and will do whatever I can to make sure that you can meet God and experience Him the way I have. 

I don't get why everyone thinks that makes me a freak, especially people who are claiming to also be saved. 

The saddest fact of all, Ron and I are literally working one block from Harvest Time church's doorstep.  The guy I talked to today is probably with them.  But God had to send me, from miles away, to go evangelize their neighborhood because, presumably, they won't do it. 

Yet another Handout

People keep telling me Greens Road @ Imperial Valley is a really bad area.   Good, that's why we go. 

We got there around lunch and set up.  I started handing out Bibles almost immediately.  I don't know how it works, but Ron seems to be my "lucky charm" in that neighborhood.  I don't know if it's the wheelchair, or the fact he's black, but it works.  People are much more drawn to the Handout and interested in taking a Bible. 

I had one lady who spoke Spanish.  I gave her all 4 of my Spanish Bibles.  I didn't get any other Spanish after that.  I got a couple of guys in work trucks, one of them said "I won't say no to a Bible!" and I gave him one, with a promise to pray for him daily (THE most important part of the work!). 

I had a lady with some kids in the backseat.  She wanted Bibles, I gave her two regular Bibles.  I was digging in my bag for the kid Bibles when the light changed.  I told her to come back, I had kid Bibles.  It took a couple minutes, but she did.  She and the kids were thrilled to get some kid Bibles (they are an easy to read translation, larger print, illustrations).  I was so happy I had brought some kid Bibles. 

I had a couple of people who told me they already had Bibles.  I kicked myself because I had meant to bring some Bible promise books for them, and I forgot.  Next time I will put them in my bag the minute I think about it. 

Then I had Mr Know It All in the convertible.  He told me he already had a Bible, my translation was "all wrong" and I wasn't going to Heaven by doing works.  I know that.  I see it more as inviting people to an awesome party, than "working my way to heaven" which we all know I can't do anyway.  Frustrating. 

But it's not for me to judge others, even though they may judge me.  My job is to stand out on the corner and distribute Bibles.  I was really happy I was clearly handing out Bibles to people who lived in the neighborhood, poorly dressed, cheap cars, gang colors, etc.  I really want to reach "the lost" and not people who already have half a dozen Bibles at home.  God was letting me do that; and everyone was thrilled to hear I would pray for them daily.  One lady asked for our names, and we gave them to her (first names) and she wrote them on her hand so she could pray for us.  I thought that was really sweet. 

We also saw a waitress we know.  She already has a Bible.  She came over and got a hug, wanted to know what we were doing, and chatted a minute. 

I had a real run on Bibles at the end, it seemed like every car wanted a couple.  I had two pedestrians walk across the street, one towards the start of the Handout.  I gave her a Bible and she took it.  The second lady came at the end of the Handout.  I told her I only had 2 left and she took one.  Then I looked in my bag and saw I had two more.  I gave them away and told Ron to put down his sign. 

He's always so confused when I tell him that.  I have to take the sign away and roll it up with my own.  I told him we were done, and everyone had been served.  It was time to go to the chicken place. 

We went and ate lunch, then we came home.  Please pray for the recipients! 

Tuesday morning

I slept OK but woke up with another headache, not a migraine.  I took some Excedrin, still plan to go on the Handout.  Nice little note, Torbie slept with me, and Biscuit got in the bed about an hour before my alarm went off.  When I felt a little better, I got up and fed him (and Baby Girl). 

Now I need to take a shower, do my God Time, and get my Bibles together for the Handout.  I plan to bring some Spanish, and some kids, on the Handout. 

I wonder if I will see that lady from work, who saw us a couple of weeks ago.  She seemed to be warmly inclined towards us as a result. 

Everyone tells me this is a really bad neighborhood.  Worse than De Soto and Antoine?  I don't know.  As bad as my old neighborhood in CA?  Ha!  It has a ways to go before it hits that bad.  My old neighborhood in NE Houston was pretty bad, too.  And I lived there for a year. 

God was preparing me, with all the bad neighborhoods, for the future bad neighborhoods in which I would distribute.  Funny how that works. 

Well, my head is finally feeling better.  Time to go take my shower. 

Good news about the van

Several years ago, #6 bought a 13 passenger van.  Now, the mother drives a minivan and the father drivers a pickup truck.  They occupied the driveway. 

Unlike some subdivisions in Houston, ours has limited parking.  2 car driveways, maybe one space in front of the house on the street, and that's it.  That's not going to work when you're a family of 8. 

They parked the passenger van in front of the house, on the street.  No real problems unless they had people over, they would have to park across the street, in front of my house, etc. 

I don't mind if someone parks in front of my house, on the street.  It's their right, I don't "own" it.  But I do mind if they park in, or blocking, my driveway.  And that was happening a lot. 

Apparently the man at #6 got angry one day when his wife's friend parked in "his" parking spot in the driveway.  He came over insisting that he would park the van in my driveway. 

1.  I don't want their kids running wild all over my property, loading and unloading.  It took me about 10 years to get them OFF my property. 

2.  It's MY driveway, not theirs. 

and

3.  We need the driveway for the wheelchair vans. 

So I told him no.  He told me he would mow my front yard (which is tiny).  I told him no.  He doesn't even mow his own yard, how could I expect him to mow MY yard?  And, I'll refer you back to #1-3.  He had a tantrum, in front of his kid.  Why he brought his kid to tell me he was going to steal my driveway, I don't know.  It was apparent he really didn't expect any objection. 

Just because I don't have a car, doesn't mean I don't have transportation.  Their problem is their problem, not mine.  There were also legal issues "Law of adverse possession" at fault, if they parked their for a period of time they would then "own" the driveway.  So, hell no. 

He stomped off and that was that for a while.  They were running some kind of shuttle bus, people would drop off their kids and they would load the van full of kids and go off to school.  It was annoying, because the parents dropping off and picking up, ALWAYS blocked my driveway.  Always. 

I noticed a couple months ago the van was gone.  I figured it was broken.  But instead of the van, they have an old jeep-type vehicle.  Now, their oldest should be about the right age to drive, I'm guessing it's "his". 

And the van is still gone.  The mother takes her kids, only, to school every day now. 

Best of all, no one's blocking my driveway anymore. 

Quinoa to the rescue

I went to bed pretty early and woke up, with a bad headache.  It was 10 PM.  That's not a good sign. 

Side note: it must have been the mac and cheese.  The last time I ate it, I got a headache.  This time, I got a migraine. 

So I took some 8-hour tylenol because I wanted to sleep, after all, and I went back to a fitful sleep until the morning.  I got up and took my shower, and went to work. 

I forgot to bring some Excedrin, because my Tylenol would be wearing off at 6.  We had a long ride to work. 

We went to an apartment complex near work.  It took 5 minutes just to get to the apartment.  He waited 5 minutes until her pickup time.  Then she was 5 minutes more coming out.  Another 5 minutes to load her.  There was a teenage girl, and some toddlers running around.  The client was having some drama on the phone with a woman who was supposed to have picked up the kids last night.  She (the other woman) swore she was "just around the corner" and told the her to "ask the driver to wait until I get there".  I said, loudly "We need to go to work".  Another 5 minutes of this, with the woman having drama on the phone. 

Don't watch people's kids for free, and, if they don't pick them up on time, call the police to pick them up.  The negligent parent can then get the kids from CPS.  That will teach them. 

The client was very upset, because her teenage daughter would "have" to watch the kids until their mother arrived.  And the daughter was "supposed" to accompany the woman to the doctor because "I can't get out of my wheelchair".  She was very large. 

So the clock is ticking with all this drama.  She's shouting into the phone "I'm never watching your kids again!" and the other woman keeps swearing she is right around the corner.  The woman finally makes a decision: let me off. 

So the driver has to take off all the straps and hooks securing the wheelchair.  Takes another 5 minutes.  Then he has to call dispatch and explain why Ms. Smith (not her real name) will not be going downtown today.  They kept asking why "She had some drama, with some kids".  They finally "let" him go. 

By this time we are almost an hour late for work, but we're not done yet.  We have another pickup.  By this time my head is throbbing, and I drank all my water.  I dry-swallowed a couple of Excedrin I always keep in my fanny pack and sucked on a mint. 

The other clients came out pretty fast, and the woman was wearing a very heavy, floral, perfume.  It was awful, and made my head throb.  But, happily, we were only a couple of minutes from work. 

We got to work.  Sales were dead.  I was working on my machines today, thinking "Just once I'd like to say the machines were empty".  I did what I could, Ron did his work (I helped), and we left early. 

My head started bothering me again, when we got out in the sun,and I almost vomited on the ride home.  I begged God to please... and He did.  That would have been awful.  I didn't.  But I know: the next time I travel with a migraine, take my bucket.  I would rather look strange than get sick all over someone's vehicle. 

We got home and I went straight to bed.  I didn't sleep very well,and finally got up after 2.  I took some more Excedrin.  I cleaned Ron's wheelchair (he got some sort of sauce on the fabric, but it didn't look like sauce ).  We turned on his credit card. 

I asked him if he would get a card issued on the account, with my name on it.  It makes sense for a lot of reasons.  I don't have my own credit and I should.  He was very amenable to it, he knows I am very honest and will only use it for emergencies.  He says we will do this the next time we go to the bank. 

There's other stuff I need to do but I am waiting on it because I have a migraine.  I don't want to do any more than I have to.  Hell, I'm not even hungry. 

When I do get an appetite, it's quinoa to the rescue.  I have found I can eat that after a migraine, it is mild and agreeable, and sturdy enough to hold my pills.  I didn't take my antidepressant this morning, that's a lost cause (it makes my blood vessels clamp down in my head, if I take it now I will go to vomiting migraine right quick). 

I have some bags of quinoa in the freezer, you cook them for 3 minutes, open the bag, and there's dinner.  They have a couple of different types.  I get the plain sort.  Walmart sells them.  If you are prone to migraines or stomach issues you might consider them.  Quinoa also has protein so it isn't straight carbs, either.  And it has a good flavor.  You can always add spices if you want, but I like it plain when I'm getting over a migraine.  Strongly flavored food "hurts" if I eat it with a headache. 

Ron actually began plotting a Bible Handout for tomorrow.  I generally would not do a Handout right after a migraine, but if he's willing to go, I'll go. 

He would like to go to the chicken place, after.  I will bring a case of Bibles (only 2 left, until my next order comes in!), and he can hold them in the wheelchair until we get to the venue.  Then I put them on the ground, open them, and start distributing. 

Our first handout at this location, we handed out everything in half an hour.  The second handout I was by myself, and it took 2 hours.  I think Ron is a draw to the recipients.  Could be the wheelchair, could be due to he's black, I don't know.  But if he brings them, I will bring him. 

And, since "The worker is worthy of his wages" Luke 10:7 we will get Ron his chicken.  If we have time, I will get one of their burgers, which are apparently very good.  I'm more a beef, than a chicken, person. 

I'm delighted Ron has such a good attitude about this Handout.  I don't think I ask for much, but I do love it when he goes with me on a Handout.  It's the best of both worlds, quality time with my husband, and pleasing God.  All in one bundle.  The perfect date. 

And it won't cost him much, either.  The 6 piece chicken special is only $6.  Drinks another couple dollars, and we are taking paratransit to and from so no expensive cab. 

Like I said, the perfect date. 

I slept pretty well last night and woke up pretty refreshed.  No headache!  Alright!  I had Torbie and Biscuit in my bed.  Even better.

I was pretty lethargic, I got on the computer for a while first before I took my shower and did my God Time.

Ron wasn't feeling well, I heard him moaning in his sleep.  When he got up, he said his back was bothering him a lot.  He went straight for the vodka.  About 20 minutes later, I asked him if he felt better and he said yes, the pain was greatly reduced.  Then he went back to bed and slept for several hours.

I got back on the computer for a while.  I ate some lunch and then took my pills, and a nap.

Noisy neighbors wouldn't let me sleep, they kept driving around blaring loud music from their cars.  Frustrating.  I must have slept a little because the next thing I knew it was 4.

I got up.  Ron was awake and drinking again.  I tried to get on my computer but the internet wasn't working for a while.  Ron started calling for me to take out his garbage.

I wasn't dressed, I told him I would do it tomorrow.  He said he wanted to get sick in his trash can.  Oh, that's a different matter.  I took the trash and put it in the kitchen trash, then listened to his dry heaves.

All that vodka is rough on the stomach.

This looks to be a busy week, we are being audited by our program (normal, yearly, thing), we need to fix the catio, and I need to get my modem upgraded.  I want to do a Bible Handout and I'm probably getting those Bibles delivered.  I need to make room for them.

I plan to bring 1-2 KJV Bibles with me.  If someone has a problem with the NIV they can get a KJV.  Good luck understanding it, though.

God just reminded me of John 6:45 "And they shall be taught by God".  And James 1:5

James 1:5 New King James Version (NKJV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Here's a good website, where I get my verses: www.biblegateway.com  You can find just about anything there, you can look for a word or a verse.  

I'm pretty tired, I guess because I didn't get my nap.  I'm a little sick, too, that old "coming down with something" feeling.  I'm going to go to bed early.  

Just remember, I prayed for YOU today.  And will tomorrow and the next day, too.  

Bible shopping adventures

First, I'll tell you a little about my accounting methods.  I get money for Bibles from people who send me cash, my own money, and people who use the Go Fund Me.  I put the money in my account (in the case of Go Fund Me, it is deposited into my account after they take their fee, which is fine).  I keep a running total of Bible money on my computer. 

So, I had 30 left from my Go Fund me, the last deposit.  A nice lady sent me $50 (give me your address, Heather - I am so bad about giving out my address on the internet), and a nice man sent me $100.  So I had $180. 

I like to spend the money quick, although sometimes I take my time, figuring it out.  I'd just gotten another catalog from Church Source. 

I like Church Source because they are the publisher.  Might as well buy direct.  They also have very low prices, very high quality, etc.  Most of the Bibles also have some sort of how to get saved section, which I really like.  It's great to hand out Bibles, but they have to know how to get saved! 

I have had very few damaged Bibles from them, too.  That's another topic, what to do with the damaged Bibles. 

So, I tried to load the web page.  And it wouldn't load.  Very frustrating.  Here I am with my debit card in hand, waiting to buy Bibles, and I can't.  Ron said it was the devil. 

I tried googling them and clicking on that link, but it took me to Christianbook.com.  They're good, but they're more expensive.  And I had a coupon for Churchsource, I forgot to mention, for 10% off and Free Shipping.  Free shipping is huge, a case of Bibles weighs 20 pounds, 30 pounds actually.  One Bible weighs about a pound.  Now multiply that by 100 or even 200 Bibles.  That's a lot of shipping.  So free shipping was key. 

The coupon is good until the end of August, and they keep sending me more coupons, so I plan to use them as my primary. 

If I could get there.  I tried to load the page again after I went to Christianbook and it loaded.  Thank God! 

I went to the full Bibles section and viewed the choices.  They didn't have the NKJV any more, it's a shame, that's my favorite translation.  But they had an NIV (easier to read for my recipients, I know they get a lot of hate but I used to read one every day with no problem), so I looked at them. 

You might recall I told you I liked orange.  It's not my favorite color, I don't have one favorite color, but it's a color I like a lot.  They had a mosaic style orange cover.  I liked it. 

I put 100 in my shopping cart.  $200.  The more you buy, the cheaper they get!  Love that!  Now, I had some of my own money in the account, so I was prepared for that.  But I had my coupon! 

I entered the coupon code and BAM down to $180.  You may recall I had $180 in my account, for Bibles.  Shipping total was listed at zero.  Excellent. 

I paid and checked out and they charged me $14 for sales tax (came out of my money).  Last I knew, they didn't charge sales tax for Bibles, in Texas.  That may have changed.  I'll see if they credit me, if not, it's only $14 and it's still better than my discount, not to mention the free shipping. 

So I was done.  Last order I got in 4 days.  The order before that took about a week and a half.  But I don't think a lot of people are getting things shipped right about now, not like Christmas or anything.  So I will probably get it in a few days.  Wednesday or Thursday. 

I will have to make up a goodie bag for the driver, with a Bible and some treats.  I always thank him profusely and apologize for my big orders, he is always nice about it. 

I hate to miss an opportunity with anyone, so I will get him something and pray for him daily. 

In fact, I pray for the whole supply chain on Gospel Distributors (that's what I call them).  "From the tree, to the tract, to the on-their-knees" as I put it.  I pray for safe shipping and packing, good prices for them on supplies, etc.  I think it is very important to pray for them, just like all the people in my notebook. 

And I am sitting here unshowered.  I will take my shower and then do my God Time and pray for you! 

A litter box confession

Today was interesting.  Ron was in a bad mood when we went to the warehouse. 

Then I asked the greeter to show Ron how to fold boxes, something she does while she's working, and it's quiet.  She's thought it was "mean" to "make" him do that, but today she did it. 

I went and did my shopping (I got some Blow-pops to add to the candy bags, paid for with my own money).  I always buy the evangelism candy with my own money.  I should be set for another week or so, now. 

When I checked out, I saw Ron working over a cardboard box, folding it.  The greeter pointed out a stack of about a dozen boxes "He did them all".  He was very slow because he only has one good hand, but it was keeping him busy. 

Like me, Ron does better when he's busy.  He talks about "retiring" sometimes but it would be catastrophic for him.  He needs a reason to get up in the morning. 

We went to work.  Sales were DEAD.  We stocked what we could and left. 

We came home, I ate a snack and took my pills.  Ron got into the vodka.  I had a good nap. 

I got up with a headache, took something, and got on the computer for a little bit.  Then I did my God time and called my parents. 

Dad suggested I look into getting NIV Bibles for the Handouts.  He thinks KJV is going to be "too hard" for my recipients, and I agree.  Even a very intelligent man I respect, once said KJV was "too hard to understand". 

Then I came back in here. 

I guess I should tell you about the battle of the litter box (in the computer room).  Ron told me I should, but it's embarrassing. 

Now I've really got your attention! 

So, I had a box in here.  It is hard for a human to access, as it is in a corner, behind a piece of furniture.  The cats can get over there easy, though. 

Torbie kept knocking it over, so I emptied it, and left it empty in the corner.  Torbie got pissed and started pooping in the empty box.  I didn't empty it.  She kept going, leaving quite a harvest, let me tell you.  She never peed, just pooped. 

So, I gave up.  She wins.  I cleaned out the box and filled it with litter.  And Biscuit knocked it over.  I put him in the box, rather rudely, and went out to find my Bible coupon (10% off plus free shipping), in the garage.  When I came back Biscuit was out of the box (he had been about to do something, when I left, don't know what he left but he left something), and walking around.  And then Torbie wanted to use it.  Hey, let's put our paws up on the edge of the box like Biscuit did and almost knock it over, again! 

AGH!  The only thing I can think to do is to use a shallow box, they won't want to put their paws on the edge of it anymore.  They are fine with the other two shallow boxes.  They win. 

I lose. 

I think I have an extra box out in the garage.  Sometimes it pays to be a little hoard-y. 

And I have to check my bank to ensure the deposit cleared, and then I can buy the Bibles.  These coupons are great - free shipping can't be beat!  A case of Bibles weighs 30 pounds.  That's 28 Bibles.  Consider I buy my Bibles in the hundred-count (thank you sponsors).  That's a lot of shipping! 

And, last time, I got them in 4 days. 

A little bragging.  March 22 I bought 100 NKJV Bibles (when they were still printing them).  I have 28 left.  God did the work.  I just went.  But there is definitely a market out there for the Bibles.  I can't believe I'm the only one I know, doing this.  There is a huge hunger for Bibles, out there. 

Why is no one going to the bad neighborhood and sharing Jesus?  The recipients are awesome.  The only problem I have is people trying to give me money.  I won't say they love me but they love what I am doing.  Not all of them, of course, but there is nothing more rewarding than giving a Bible to an eager gang member. 

One interesting note: I seem to be called to the Bloods.  They wear red.  I never see blue (Crips) anywhere on a Handout.  Just red.  That's fine.  I like red. 

My favorite color is orange, the color of my safety vest. 

Anyway, off to check my balance and order a couple hundred Bibles. 

Oh, boy

Ron's in a bitter and angry mood this morning. 

Sometimes I want to shake him and say "count your blessings, already!".  Do you know, in the old Soviet Union, disabled people had to share wheelchairs?  I get it one week, you get it next week, Bob gets it the third week, and then it comes back to me. 

And he has 3 wheelchairs.  And a wheelchair ramp.  A devoted wife.  3 wonderful cats, electricity, utilities, a good roof over his head, savings, enough money to eat out now and then, I could go on. 

But he's bitter about his problems, and angry that God won't come back and "fix" him.  Maybe God needs him like this! 

That's how I always approach my issues, God has to have me exactly the way I am.  I can't do what He needs me to do any other way.  If I were "normal", I would be useless (and I would probably have a very boring blog). 

I know Ron has a lot of problems, I just wish, for once, he would practice gratitude (and this from a woman battling depression). 

Cuddles from two cats

So I had a nice night, even if I didn't sleep much.  I slept on my side, Biscuit spooned up next to me, holding his paw in my hand.  He's such a sweet boy. 

Later on, not to be outdone, Torbie not only took a nap with me (sleeping by my head!  My favorite!), she also got up on me during my God Time and 'helped" me pray for you. 

But first I had to go to work.  We went to work.  I stocked.  I helped Ron stock.  I paid the sales tax and mailed it.  I paid the deliveryman.  We got it all done and came home, then I took my nap. 

Torbie joined me, as I've said.  I was a little cold, it was chilly today (50's).  We had the heater on.  Unfortunately I forgot my heated mattress pad's still on the bed, or I could have turned it on and warmed up. 

I got up and got ready to go out with Ron.  We were going to the Indian place.  I got chicken masala.  It was a little spicy but I was able to eat it.  I love the pan bread that comes with the meal.  Ron had already eaten some leftovers so he didn't get, but he did get food to go. 

I had a nice time, and we had a good ride home.  I did my God Time, with Torbie, cleaned the litter boxes (all 5!), washed my hands, and got on the computer.  Things seem pretty quiet online. 

Someone, today, told us she saw us doing one of our Bible Handouts a couple weeks ago (the one when Ron went with me).  I was teasing her about why she didn't stop.  She seemed very warm towards us, I guess she is a believer. 

That's the thing about Bible Handouts, by making an ass out of myself, I make it easier for people to accept a Bible.  I'm not walking around shoving them at people saying "You need to read this".  No, I just stand there like a homeless person (getting the police called on me, at times!), offering.  If you want it, you get it, but it's a no judgement zone. 

Speaking of judgement, a reader had some points about my Dad.  Why don't I ever mention him when I talk about my family? 

Well, he's still alive.  And things on the internet have a way of getting back to the people they're talking about. 

I will say this, my Dad was completely in love with my mother, who was charming, intelligent, beautiful, talented, witty, and an amazing person when she wasn't suffering from bipolar disorder, or the drinking. 

They had a child before me, who died.  It was devastating for both parents, her in particular.  She began drinking again, heavily, at the same time planning her next pregnancy (me).  As a result of her extensive prenatal drinking, I was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 

I believe, based on what my Dad has said, that my mother suffered from post partum depression after my birth.  She neglected me to quite an extent - I stopped growing - and my teenage sister had to take care of both of us. 

Dad had to manage that, and his career.  When they split up, he got custody (there was no question about that), and got a desk job.  He had traveled a lot for work before that.  When my parents divorced, I lost everything, my mother, my sister, even my pet!  All I had was my Dad and he was my whole world.  He was my only caregiver. 

My aunt has always said, if (his mother) my grandmother had known all of this, she would have come to help.  But Dad is stubborn and proud, just like his daughter. 

So it was just me and Dad in our own little world for a couple of years.  Happy times in my memories.  He met my stepmother, and suddenly I wasn't #1 in his world anymore, I was somewhere back down the line.  He turned over all the caregiving to her and went back to traveling again. 

So I was stuck with this strange woman, and her 3 kids, who really didn't like me. Dad was right in that she took "care" of me, I was fed, bathed, taught to do chores, educated about female health, all of that. 

In other ways, I think most would say they failed me.  But they will answer to God on that.  And that's where I'm going: They will answer to God. 

I try to live my life so my hands are clean on judgment day.  I have enough to answer for as it is.  So I won't throw rocks. 

In the case of my Dad, he will only believe the truth when God shows him.  Nothing I have said has gotten through, even threatening to cut off contact unless he faced what happened to me.  He said he would choose his wife, over his daughter, so I know where I stand, don't I?   I was pretty bitter about that for some years, I just didn't have a blog. 

But I believe my Dad, deep in his heart, always did what he felt was best for me.  I can't say that for the rest of them, and that's why I "let him off easy".  Dad will face the truth one day, and it will be a terrible shock.  I feel bad for him, actually. 

At least I know what I've done. 

Didn't sleep much

But I slept with Biscuit.  I held his paw as he snored next to me.  What a sweet boy.

A lot about family

I got upset today. 

I slept OK, woke up up time, but with a headache.  I took something and did my shower.  I got distracted on the computer and didn't do my God Time.  I will get it before I go to bed in a couple of hours. 

Remember tonight is my early to bed night because we have that delivery tomorrow. 

Then we went out to eat.  The Indian place wasn't open yet (paratransit "adjusted" the times so we would only have 20 minutes there, if that), so we went to the taqueria.  I had a couple of fajita tacos and a cheese quesadilla.  The tacos were hot and fresh, the meat was a little fatty but that's not a bad thing.  I do better eating a high-fat diet anyway. 

Ron ate Chilaquiles.  Basically, it is an egg casserole, very messy, very cheesy, sauce everywhere, the kind of thing that has me doing a load of laundry.  But I brought Ron's bib and we used that.  It got pretty messy. 

He had a beer, "with", but didn't get ugly or obnoxious.  We finished our meal, paid, and went over to the Indian place.  They are in the same strip mall. 

We hung out there for a while, we didn't have time to order any food but I got a drink.  Sure enough, there's our ride. 

I got home and one of my message boards was talking about revenge.  It got me thinking, as you might expect, about Ron's accident.  How we never got any earthly justice.  How upsetting it is when that man keeps coming by, asking if Ron is "OK".  I ranted about it a little, online, ,but ended it by saying I trust God's vengeance.  It's just hard to wait and watch Ron suffer, in the meantime. 

But I have to believe it all serves a purpose.  Ron's accident got me started handing out Bibles, for instance.  A lot of people served out of that.  Maybe someone got saved.  I will never know until God tells me.  There's more, but you get the idea.  God works all things for good, yes, even the horrible stuff that gives you nightmares, decades later (yes, I have them).  If nothing else it imparts empathy for those who are going through trials of their own. 

We should, if at all possible, avoid those who caused us pain, if we can.  In my case I am able to most of the time,and, when I couldn't, Ron was with me.  The person seemed to avoid me, actually, which made life a lot easier.  I don't think even Ron knows how deeply they scarred me. 

It's the people you care about, can hurt you the most, but then you already knew that.  Even those you don't care about have the capacity to make your life a living hell, at times.  But I pushed on and got through it, and, while I still have nightmares, it is OVER. 

We will see what happens when people die and it's funeral time.  I have been assured that is all locked down but it could still get ugly.  I don't care about the money, but I don't want my loved one screwed out of any more money if at all possible. 

Everyone said my mother had a lot of money.  Her last husband was a very rich man.  He had a boat, lived on the lake, had a big house.  He was a very nice man which is all I cared about.  He was also dying of melanoma.   I was crushed when he died.  They should have let me go to the funeral. 

When he died, he left everything to my mother.  She did not have to work.  I think manic spending depleted the reserves quite a bit, and then she made some other bad decisions that resulted in her actually having to make a living for herself.  She lost her storage units, with all her "family" stuff, and died broke. 

Well, not broke.  She had a couple thousand in a savings account, we found out about that years later.  We each (she had 3 kids) got a slice of that which was nice, but I didn't expect anything.  I was also given a set of pearls she owned, they were supposed to be "mine" according to my sister.  I wore them at my wedding and then gave them to my youngest niece a few years later.  I was never going to wear them, she would, and I thought she deserved a little family history.  I knew my sister would be giving "her" (matching) pearls to her oldest daughter so I thought "mine" should go to the youngest.  She was a young woman when I did this.  My sister was pretty upset, why, I don't know. 

And I got my grandmother's Bible, the one she was given upon graduation from the orphanage where she was raised.  It has a handwritten note from her director,which is a very nice little poem about serving God.  I keep it with my other personal Bible stuff. 

That's one thing I am "bad" about doing, if I am out of Bibles and someone needs one, I have no problem handing over "My" Bible.  I have done it on a couple of occasions.  The only Bibles I won't give away are the one I got as a child (sentimental, and it is damaged), and the one that belonged to my grandmother.  Sadly, you can tell she never read it. 

My grandmother had a very sad life.  Apparently she was very good at math, and actually worked for some big name agencies doing math for them.  She married young, to a soldier, who died in front of her,while she was pregnant.  He had forgotten to switch the insurance to her so she had to fight his family for support.  It broke their relationship.  Sometimes I think it would be fun to look them up, but they probably don't want any part of us.  And she was schizophrenic.  I spelled that wrong, but you get the idea, severe mental illness.  She wouldn't accept the diagnosis and it made for a very difficult life for her. 

She disowned me for marrying Ron, and would have been furious to find out I got the Bible.  But she always said she was saved so I am sure God "fixed" her after she died. 

Anyway, that's enough for now.  You have a good one and I am going to go pray for you. 

Pill day!

The happiest day of the week, pill day! 

I woke up early, with a headache.  I took something for it.  I go through a lot of generic headache pills, and I always have a good stash.  It was suggested to me, back in February, to take a (generic) Excedrin whenever I felt a bad headache coming on, as that would often stop a migraine dead.  I took the advice, so far, so good. 

I took a shower and did my God Time.  I didn't have to shave my legs, even though, with my "new" capris, the hemline is only a few inches above my ankle.  I'm going to have some white legs this summer! 

God Time went well.  I was anticipating my Bible Handout tomorrow. 

Ron took me to Walmart, and was nice about it.  We had a lot to do, pay the electric bill (long story), make my health insurance/autopay deposit (can't have things bouncing), get my pills, and then do all my shopping.  Ron was very agreeable to us spending an hour and a half at the store, which was a nice change of pace. 

I didn't find a kiddie cart, so I just pushed Ron in the wheelchair.  First we paid the electric bill.  She was nice and I liked her, she got it done.  Then we had to wait in line to do the deposit.  This, I told Ron, is why I wanted more time.  I got the deposit done while watching someone's children run wild, banging on the teller computers and wreaking general havoc.  I wanted to ask her if she let them act like that at home, but didn't want a confrontation.  It was enough to make me swear off having children, forever. 

If Ron wasn't already fixed I think he would have done it, himself. 

So I finished.  Now it's time to go to the pharmacy!  No line for this, but it took her a little while to find everything.  I had "four".  That is my standard lineup.  No phenergan, but I am OK for a while.  I have a prescription I got from my primary, and it has a refill, and I still have some of the "other" phenergan from a few years back. 

We went through the pills together.  Haldol, Bupropion, "This one" she said as she pointed at the generic Divaloproex.  And, everyone's favorite, she brought out a huge bag full of pill bottles "The lithium!" I cried happily. 

There is nothing like being literally insane, and then finding out pills will take care of it.  With the pills, I have a good life.  Without the pills I go back to being insane and suicidal.  So it's always a big deal to me, to get my pills. 

$160.  So the insurance takes off about $40 a month on my 3-month refills.  I pay about $420 a month for that insurance.  You can do the math and see the insurance company is well ahead in this game.  But I didn't care about that.  I had 3 months of sanity in my hands.  We paid and I put it away in the backpack. 

Then I took Ron up front and left him there, after getting his verbal list of things he wanted.  I did the shopping.  A lot of little kids at the store, and a fair amount of seniors.  It's late in the month, I would think everyone is broke.  But we had to go later because the bank, etc. only opens later. 

I got everything on my list, and Ron's.  I focused on canned food this time.  1.  We are coming up on hurricane season and 2.  I need stuff I can eat, that's easy to prepare. 

I love, for instance, field peas.  I can't get enough of them, I don't know why I don't eat more of them.  They are delicious, tiny, beans in a bacon flavored broth.  They aren't mushy, they have a good texture.  I first ate them at my in-laws.  They thought I was nuts because I loved poor folk food, but they're good! 

Like I said, I don't know why I don't eat more.  So I bought more.  I also got some Hormel Compleats for Ron, he likes them a lot, especially the chicken alfredo and the pot roast flavor.  All you do is take off the wrapper and stick it in the microwave, you can store it in a cupboard.  I am exploring and trying to find flavors that I like, because that would be a great thing to have on hand if we lost power (thunderstorm or hurricane).  I got some more tuna, but forgot to get more mayo.  You get the idea. 

I had a lot of canned food in my "buggy" when I finished.  Then I bought some Gatorades because those are always nice to hand out to the yard man, etc. 

I didn't buy any cat food or litter.  1.  I have plenty of both and 2.  I was pretty much at my weight limit.  I checked out, it took me a while to find someone. 

I paid up and went to McDonald's.  I bought a couple of hamburgers for dinner (Ron didn't want anything) and went out to Ron.  And it was about our pickup time.  We went out. 

It was a cab.  Now the paratransit cab seats the driver and 3 passengers, plus one wheelchair in the back.  The driver already had two passengers and their suitcases (dialysis patients always bring a lot of crap with them, to their treatments), plus me, Ron, and our groceries.  It was a tight fit. 

I was glad I hadn't bought any litter! 

We dropped the one lady off, and then we went home.  I dragged everything into the house (including Ron) and started putting away all the canned stuff.  I was glad I had cleared out a shelf in my little pantry.  The personal care stuff was easy, that all went in the bathroom. 

I'd had a shake at McDonald's.  If I wasn't taking my pills I would have just gone to bed.  But I'd had it long enough ago that it probably wouldn't "hold" my pills anyway.  And I had to do up my pills before I even took them.  Sorting all the doses into days of the week takes a good half hour but has to be done. 

I decided I would take my pills later,with a hamburger, and went to take a nap.  I had a pretty good nap but I woke up with yet another headache.  So, more headache pills. 

I got online for a while and then did up my pills, heated up that hamburger and tried one of those "microwave and eat" macaroni and cheese cups.  It wasn't bad, but it was a little hot when I ate it.  I think I scorched my tongue. 

I did get some bad news today.  Often, I end up doing a Handout not far from a church or other place of worship.  I (unintentionally) once did a Handout right down the road from a mosque.  My current location is no different, about 1/2 a mile away is a large church. 

Why the church can't hand out the Bibles themselves is a subject for another blog.  Suffice to say, I'm handing out Bibles on their doorstep.  Not a problem. 

BUT.  They invited Benny Hinn to come and do some kind of production at the church tomorrow, right when I would have been doing my Handout. 

Now, I'll do a Handout in the rain (I actually did one in severe weather, it totally destroyed my sign).  I'll do a Handout with a migraine.  I'll do a Handout after a night of verbal abuse.  I'll do a Handout after Ron's had an all-night blackout.  I'll do a Handout after a night I couldn't sleep.  I'll do a Handout after the neighbors had an all night party and then Ron verbally abused me. 

But I will not endorse Benny Hinn, even by implication, doing a Handout on his doorstep while he's doing his production.  Nope, I won't do it. 

And I would have thought the only time I wouldn't do a Handout is if I were sick, and contagious.  Guess I have another rule. 

I don't think it's appropriate to name call or judge him, but I don't agree with his methods.  The Bible says, Romans 14:4, not to judge God's other servants:
4 Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.

So, God will deal with him, if he needs it.  I am just going to keep my hands clean and stay home.  It's a shame, Ron was totally prepared to go with me and everything, but he agrees.  

I guess we can go next week, but it may be tricky.  We have to fix the catio, one of the shelves came down, so Ron has to call the handyman to come out and fix it.  Biscuit likes to get up on those shelves.  That will be one day.  Probably another day for Ron to take off.  Then when to do the Handout?  Ron can't go after work, it's too hard on his back.  We'll figure it out.  

In the meantime, I have a cute, fat, Biscuit lying by my foot.  He is so cute when he's hungry, he puts his front paws and his head in my lap and meows pitifully.  I just can't refuse him when he does that.  

Torbie has hung out with Ron all day, in his room, on the condo.  I'm trying not to be jealous.  She's such a sweet cat it's impossible to be mad at her.  And, Biscuit left.  

Oh, well.  

It's already 8 PM so I think I'll go to bed.  I don't want to mess up my sleep cycle.  We have to get up at - well, our pickup on Friday will probably be 3:45 or so.  In the morning.  So I will need to go to bed early tomorrow night.  

I always have trouble sleeping on those nights, even if I don't partake of caffeine.  I just can't sleep.  I can usually catch a nap when I get home, though.  

That's it for now.  Have a good one.  Even if I don't write it out, I am praying for you every day.  :)  

How much is organic?

I slept OK last night, didn't wake up with a headache.  But I woke up depressed.  I had a hard time getting my shower and doing my God Time.  It's sapped my joy and motivation for the day. 

I always wonder how much is "circumstances" and how much is just organic.  It's hard to say.  Even if I lost Ron just losing him would cause a depression.  So, no way to know.  I tend to get depressed in April, anyway. 

I ate some yogurt (I didn't feel like cooking) and took my pills.  Biscuit started begging for dry food and his bowl was empty, so I filled it. 

Torbie has stayed on the top shelf of Ron's kitty condo, all day.  I told Ron she must be stuck because she hasn't moved, all day.  She seems very happy up there so I just petted her a little now and then (she has such a fluffy tummy!), and left her alone the rest of the time. 

I took a nap, Ron was quiet.  I had a dream I was practicing witchcraft and it really freaked me out.  I apologized to God when I woke up a little and went back to sleep, but I was working on a headache.  I got up and took some Excedrin. 

Excedrin has caffeine so I was still depressed, but with a little more energy.  I cleaned up a little, I walked around picking up stuff that is obviously trash.  It's not much but it helps.  I try to do what I can, when I can, and keeping busy helps with the depression. 

Ron has stayed in bed all day, except for getting up to drink, and use the bathroom.  He reminds me of Torbie. 

I think I will take the girl cats some fish treats (Baby Girl, I think, is at her front window), just to give them a little something special.  They are good cats and I enjoy spoiling them. 

Boy, I'm glad I don't have kids.  Times like this I would make a lousy mother. 

I'm a sucker

I slept pretty well last night, and woke up with Torbie and Biscuit in the bed.  I love sleeping with my cats.  I don't even care if they let me pick them up, or get in my lap, as long as they sleep with me.  Biscuit will let me pick him up and hug him, but he's the only one.  He will purr while I'm doing it, it's so sweet.  Torbie will let me pet her, and get in my lap sometimes, but she doesn't like to be picked up.  I'm sure she had a bellyful at the shelter, so I don't "bother" her with it.  But they love to sleep with me as much as I love being slept with.  Baby Girl is her own cat, very independent, very bonded to Ron, so I let her go her own way.  She lets me pet her. 

I reset the alarm and did my God Time later, then got up and took my shower.  Today was my first day wearing my new capris.  They have some elastic in them and have a "generous fit" according to the label, which, to me, means "almost falling off".  Apparently that is the new style?  The smaller size probably wouldn't fit, or would be embarrassingly tight. 

I wore a black t-shirt and my black steel toed sneakers.  They are very comfortable.  We went to work.  Sales were pretty dead.  I stocked and did what I could, and helped Ron. 

Ron was moody, alternating between that and being appreciative.  It was confusing. 

We finally finished up and came home.  I took a nap.  I had Torbie with me at first, but when I woke up she was gone.  I guess she left me for treats with Ron, or something. 

I had a strange, very sad, dream about my childhood.  It lingered after I got up.  I still can't shake it.  Now, a lot of parts of my childhood were very sad, so I'm not surprised. 

One thing that attracted me to Ron, was his attentiveness.  He was also outraged at how I was treated in my family of origin.  Both were very appealing.  Then he started using my family against me, and still does to some extent.  Not so attractive.  Not so attentive.  I guess part of that is a long term relationship, it is very easy to take someone for granted if you are not diligent.  Sometimes he is very appreciative, though. 

I don't mind caring for his physical needs.  1.  I don't see it as "that bad" and 2.  I signed up for that.  My stepmother asked me, point blank, if I was really serious about marrying an older man because he would most likely need more help as he aged.  I said I was fine with that, and I am. 

I guess I always figured he would deteriorate on some level, as he aged.  I was shocked by the accident but not by the fact that he needs a lot more help these days.  I never expected him to age well. 

She also asked me if I was OK being the breadwinner, and I said I was, and I am.  Not that I am the breadwinner, but Ron and I are intertwined at work.  He can't do it without me.  He may castigate me now and then for "not helping" but I know I do, in fact, help a great deal.  And God knows, so I'm happy. 

I know God is keeping track and we will both be held accountable for things we said, did, and in my case, wrote.  I am fine with that.  It keeps me accountable. 

I don't have to avenge myself, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord"  Romans 12:19 and "For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” - Hebrews 10:30

So the Bible promises me everything will be sorted out.  If I am a long-suffering victim, that will be revealed.  If I am a sick game-player, that will also be revealed.  It keeps me from playing games or getting bitter.  

It would be very easy, at times, to get bitter.  I was able to sleep last night and I thank God for that.  

After I got up, I did my God Time.  We had planned a trip to go to the taqueria but they (paratransit) adjusted the trip, adding 40 minutes.  Ron was very upset.  He kept cursing the company and yelling at me for "my stomach" wanting to go out.  No, I wanted a date night and figured we might as well eat a good, cheap, meal.  He did manage to get an earlier pickup but they rode us around for quite a while before they took us home.  

The driver kept threatening to "beat" Ron, and I told her I would make a video (egging her on).  She said, if she wasn't worried about her job, she'd do it.  I liked her.  Ron liked her.  

We finally got home and I checked the mail.  I got a donation for more Bibles, so that is totally awesome.  Ron completely balked at the idea of any trips for tomorrow so I will be on my own if I want to go somewhere.  

When we got inside, Ron gave the cats some treats and then began drinking, saying he had been sober all day.  I know for a fact he was drinking when we got home from work, but I didn't argue with him.  

He went to bed.  He is down for the count right now, I think.  

I am having a small dilemma with the cats.  On the one hand, they are rescues.  They have all gone hungry.  I hate to put them on a diet and limit their dry food, but the are obese.  I cut back on their dry food yesterday and poor Biscuit was desperate, he kept putting his front paws on my leg, and his head in my lap, begging.  It was adorable, and pitiful.  Torbie and Baby Girl were more discreet but just as eager when I did put some dry food in the bowl.  

On the plus side, with limited dry food they did eat all the wet food, this time.  Normally they leave a fair amount, about a third to a quarter of the can, when they have plenty of dry.  If they have a choice between dry and wet, it seems, they want the dry.  Of course it has more carbs.  

On the one hand I want to be generous, but I don't want them to have any problems from obesity.  Torbie is already pretty stiff if she gets up from a lying down position, or resting of any sort.  She has to do some cat yoga to loosen up before she can run down the hall, one reason I always tell Ron to give her a minute when he is calling her for treats.  The other two cats are fine, they are a lot younger.  

I tried to get Torbie some glucosamine but she wouldn't touch it.  So I'm out of ideas there.  I don't want her on painkillers because I don't think she's in pain, just some stiffness.  She loves the heated mattress pad in the winter for that reason, and I always pull the covers off "her" part of the bed so she can lie directly on it.  That's one way I got her to sleep with me.  

So I will puzzle it out, how much to feed the cats.  I know my vet will yell at me because they are fat, but I hate to see them pleading for food, knowing they are reliving memories of starvation.  

I'm just a sucker.