What my faith looks like

I'll never forget the moment I found out my illness had a name, and medication.  I'll never forget the feeling of power - taking back control, as I took my first dose of medication right in my doctor's office.  It was wonderful, and I thank God every time I take my medication.

God has given me so much.  Hope, peace, confidence.  I want everyone to have that - but that's nothing new.  You can find something along those lines all over my blog.

I don't think I've ever talked about this: what my faith looks like.  This all came to a head today, as I showed Ron my Haldol.  I told him "This is control of my thoughts, and no-nausea.  Wonderful, isn't it?"  Ron muttered invective at God for "breaking" me and I had to  laugh, thinking about my readers and how they must view my faith, at home.

I envison blog readers picturing Ron and us getting up early to thank God for the new day, spending time in prayer and Bible study before we go to work.

No.  I get up an hour early, on my own, to do my God time (Bible study and prayer for everyone in the world).  If Ron realizes I am having my God time, I get to hear him raving about how God doesn't "deserve" my worship.

Sometimes I wish I had emoticons - the little animated faces you see on message boards.  I'd put the one called "twitch" right about here.

Ron tends to get very angry at God, whenever I make a comment about gratitude.  Not "You should be more grateful" but "OH, thank God, it's a straight trip on paratransit".  Ron even calls God "Torture man" and has now nicknamed God, "Torch" short, for Torture Man of course.

Ron complains to God, bitterly and incessantly.  "If you loved me/us, you'd get us off this rock."  God doesn't fall for those tricks, so Ron's left resentful.

Ron will take me to church, most weeks, because I think he enjoys the companionship.  The rest of the time, he complains bitterly.   He had to get up early.  He hates long rides on paratransit, etc.

Bible Handouts: For years, Ron thought I needed a medication adjustment.  He then decided if I wanted to do them, fine, but he wouldn't help.  That was fine, I did them by myself, taking a hand cart on the bus.

Then, he came along, because he was worried about my safety.  We all know bad guys avoid blind men in wheelchairs.  It makes Ron feel protective, to sit in his wheelchair on the corner, listening to music.

I'm happy to have him along, my love language is quality time.  I do the Bible Handouts because I am compelled to share my faith; the wonderful blessings I have in knowing God.

I've been told I "have a heart for the lost" - and I do.  I see unreached people and I just want to love them.  I can't help it.  Today, I saw a gangsta type riding by, and I so wanted to give him a Bible.  I just want to hug them, love them, pray with them, and get them started on a wonderful road to faith.

It's irrepressible.  Even if I could turn it off, I wouldn't.

Ron?  I think he just wants people to get saved so God will rapture us, sooner.  Or so he says.  However, he's out there every time.  That's got to count.  He makes it a lot easier to to do the handouts, and I can hand out more, as well.

If I had an easy faith life, it probably wouldn't be very strong.  I have to think the obstacles I face in Ron's ongoing objection to God Time (quality time with God), make my own faith stronger.

I would love to sit down and do Bible studies with him, read devotionals, but he won't.  So, I pray alone.  Maybe with the cat, and study the Bible on my own.  God gave me the Holy Spirit, so I'm never really alone anyway.

What does my faith look like?  By myself, but never alone.

I'm praying for you daily.