Meaning in life

I am battling depression tonight, and I got to thinking about what I do, the meaning I find in life, and other topics.  As I sat in my chair, I decided to do up another box of Bibles.

2 Timothy 4:5

New King James Version (NKJV)

⁵ But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Fulfill my ministry, that's something I can do.  I got out the tracts, "Where to Look", and some Invitation New Testaments.  

It's interesting to look back in time.  First, I handed out Bibles to people now and then, just the Bible.  Then, I'd hand out candy.   Just a bag of candy, and occasionally I'd hand out a Bible or leave them in a safe indoor place where they'd be found.  I did that with quite a few Bibles.  

After my mugging, I regretted I didn't have any gospel material in with the candy (that's about all Thug Boy got - a few bags of candy).   I ordered scripture booklets, put them in with the candy, and presto: Driver Candy.  I handed that out for a few months, and still do, years later.

I began a serious daily program: prayer, and Bible Study.  I call it my God Time.  God also led me to forgive a few people I still resented.

A month after that, God got very loud, in my head, telling me to go hand out Bibles on the corner.  As you know, I still do that.  In fact, I need to plan the next one.  A lot of prayer on that!

For years, I bought my own Bibles.  In a way, it's great.  I can use them however I choose.  I did that for, oh, years.  At least 3 years of serious handouts.

I went along, doing this for years.  This year, I started picking up sponsors, which is great.  They buy the Bibles online and have them shipped to my door.  Have you ever tried to bring home a 40 pound case of Bibles, in a handcart, on the bus?  Thank God that's over!   A couple people mailed me checks, and I accounted for every penny in great detail.

This week, I've been helping other people get started.  The whole time I've been doing this, I've shared.  You can see all my go-to links on the right hand toolbar.  I share what I have, and happily.

I don't care who hands it out, as long as it goes to a recipient!  I can get mixed results on that.  Last year I shipped a case of Bibles to Joplin and never heard a peep.  Were they handed out?  I have no idea.  I believe God will get them to their recipients eventually.

More Bible:  

Isaiah 55:11

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹¹ So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

What does that mean?  The way I read it, every Bible has a recipient.  That's why I don't worry about putting the perfect tract into each Bible.  God will guide me, before it was even printed, God knew who'd get the Bible.  I don't worry about that stuff now.  

However, when a donor gets me Bibles, I assume they want me to hand it out.  What does that mean when I meet someone who needs a boost?  

For instance, a man I know asked me to make up a couple dozen Bibles for him to hand out.  He is a service technician, and wants to hand them out to his customers.  Do I take them out of the donor pile?  

No.  Donor Bibles, unless I hear otherwise, are allocated for handouts only.  I have a stash of Bibles for times like this: and I raided it twice this week.  One woman, huge heart for Jesus.  Desperate for material to hand out but also incredibly busy.  So, she has evangelism in a box headed her way.  All she has to do is cut the tape and start distributing.  

And the service guy?  Well, I made up 30 New Testaments, from "my" stash, not the donors', complete with tracts and New Testaments.  

That also means, contrary to appearances, I really need to get some more New Testaments!  

I'm like a drug dealer, I'll get them hooked and then they can get their own!  [cackle]  

For a long time, I had a VERY hard time with the concepts "Evangelism" or "ministry".  The wolves in the sheep had really ruined those two words for me.  

I was also afraid of the responsibility; but I don't need to be.  God is in charge, I'm just the hand.  God does all the work of convicting and saving them, through His word.  I just need to get out there and do it.  

Do I think I am special, chosen, anointed?  No.  In fact, I hate it when people give themselves inflated titles.  The only title I want is "Mrs".  

I'm willing to go where God sends me.  That's the only unique qualifier; that and I spend a lot of time seeking his will during my God Time.  I'm not special, I'm just a saved sinner.  I'm sharing the same Gospel God gave to the entire world.  

I believe, in some weird way, God can use me MORE because of all I've suffered.   To be honest, I'm not quite sure how that works.  

I hate to think of people crying alone at night without God.   If I get lazy about "working", I swear I can HEAR them crying out for Jesus.  

Romans 10:14-16

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴ How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher?¹⁵ And how shall they preach unless they are sent? As it is written:

“How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace,
Who bring glad tidings of good things!”