Someone to cover

I read something this morning that pissed me off.  The gist of it was: don't say your pain is worse than mine.

Everyone was agreeing with it.  I don't.  Take someone like Ron, agonizing physical pain, depression, in a wheelchair, head injury, can't use his right arm and leg, etc. 

Compare that to someone with "just" depression.  Ron has it worse.  And that applies to me.  I just realized I didn't even mention Ron's blind.  But he is.  So, as I said, Ron has it worse. 

Someone like me: brain damage and severe mental illness.  You may have depression, but you can drive.  You can get in a car and go anywhere you want to go, while I am stuck paying for a cab or walking half a mile to the bus.  But compare me to Ron, and he's "worse". 

I've met a few poor souls who were worse than Ron.  I felt bad for them and their caregivers.  I can leave Ron now and then, take a sick day or go out to lunch with my aunt.  They can't.  Not without getting someone to cover. 

Being disabled is hard.  Being disabled and having to be a caregiver on top of that is even harder.  My house is a mess: I had to prioritize.  Work is more important than picking up. 

People who visit accept that.  I will say Biscuit is getting better about visitors.  He peeps at them down the hall when they are talking to me. 

Sad but true fact: some people do have it harder than others, and need more help (if they can get it).  There's no shame in that.  The shame is telling someone who is struggling that their struggle doesn't matter.  It is not a bad thing to remind them of people who have it worse: I do that with Ron.  I remind him of people who do have it worse.  Ron feels particular empathy for the autistic head bangers we ride with occasionally.  They hurt his heart; he sorrows for them.  They may have limbs that work, and sight, but their thinking is all screwed to hell. 

And I look at Ron and think, well, I'm not that bad.  I have it rough in some ways, but in other ways I am doing great. 

But, like I told my aunt, I get tired of hearing Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is not a valid disability, even though it has been recognized for well over 30 years.  People don't want to believe a woman can harm her unborn baby in utero.  They want to believe that all expectant mothers love and care for their future offspring. 

Not true.  Not at all.  Some mothers continue to drink throughout the entire pregnancy.  Then, 6-7 years later, wonder why the kid has attention problems in school, trouble making friends, and a learning disability.  They don't realize it's not just the child who lives with the disability, it's the parents, too.  If they could really talk to FAS parents I think most expectant mothers would not drink at all. 

In the meantime I am flat out told FAS does not exist and is not a valid disability.  I was even told that by our program, that I could not qualify as disabled (they get brownie points for all the disabled people they hire, and some get a credit on their fees if the disabled person is not a family member).  So I was told I wasn't disabled from FAS, but they "could" count the bipolar instead. 

Thanks.  I think.