It is sad. When Ron had his accident most of his family came in from out of state to visit him in ICU. He has over a dozen cousins, etc. One aunt prayed a novena for him. I admired her dedication.
I only really met his cousin Peter. He was a nice guy (Ron had talked about him before the accident). He actually gave me a ride home, unlike Ron's family. He told me to hang in there and seemed to respect me as wife/caregiver. Something that was sadly lacking.
Ron and I always wanted a very simple wedding. You have seen my photos. I wore a simple gown and he wore a basic off the rack suit. It is weird to think of him standing next to me at the altar. We had maybe a dozen in attendance, we had invited another dozen but it was a Tuesday night and a lot of people didn't want to travel.
The invitations said "Ron and Heather invite you to share their joy as they exchange vows" - my aunt did that. Isn't it perfect? I loved it. I know it took her a lot of thought to come up with something like that. She was my wedding planner. I told her what I wanted and she made it happen. She was great. She said she always wanted to do a wedding, she got her chance with me.
We sent out invitations to Ron's parents, his boss, his coworkers, and a favorite customer at work. Then we invited some of my family, etc.
But, looking back, I probably mortally offended Ron's extended family. They were used to huge productions with 10 bridesmaids and 10 ushers, a huge elaborate gown, a church wedding, etc. That's the last thing I wanted. I wanted something small and simple. Just the basics. Plus, I didn't want us getting overwhelmed with details.
Point being, I didn't invite them. They probably took that badly. I know Ron's parents (invited) lied about being unable to attend the wedding. He was pretty sheepish about it. I know he was in a bad spot and I have never held that against him.
I did take them a photo album full of wedding photos, after. I felt they deserved that at least. I do wonder where that album ended up.
I gave them a lot of mini photo albums full of photos of Ron, I would really like those back but I doubt I will ever see them again. His sister probably has them, if she didn't throw them out. She could be pretty vindictive.
Back to the extended family. A lot of Ron's cousins are deaf. And people wonder why we never had kids! Can you imagine raising a blind-deaf child? Both are hereditary. Plus my mental illness (every time I talk to the aunt, I hear about another relative who committed suicide), is very genetic. And I'm a likely carrier for the Bubble boy disease.
I didn't hear anything until I got on Facebook. I changed my name when I married, God knows I earned this name. So I used it when I signed up.
Ron's cousin was apparently trolling for anyone with the name, found me, sent me a friend request. I asked Ron if she was cool, he said she was. So I accepted. She is deaf but we communicate pretty well. She also friended Ron's brother. Last I saw, his brother is not active on Facebook.
I would read updates, what she was doing with her (my) family. I learned some interesting things when she visited Ron's parents in a nursing home. She had photos, they looked terrible of course, but Ron's Dad was really bad.
She posted when he died. That's how I found out. It was pretty awful telling Ron his father died. They (Ron's brother and sister) had a big funeral for him. Ron decided not to go, felt he would be distracting. When his mother died, not even his cousin was told, they had a very small (and affordable) funeral, THEN told everyone she died.
So that was pretty much my contact with the out of state part of the family. My cousin-in-law just posted a huge photo spread of the [family name] reunion. I don't often think about Ron being mixed race (part black, spanish, French, native) but it was funny to see all the black people in the photos. That is definitely the "black" side of the family. They had one white woman in the photos, she looked like she was having fun.
So, did they not invite the Houston family? All of us (Ron, brother, and sister) or just me and Ron? I didn't see Ron's brother and sister in the photos so they didn't attend. Maybe there was a split. I don't know.
I know Ron's brother and sister disowned him when I didn't put him in a nursing home. And I don't regret that. . I had a very simple mindset back then: you're either on Team Ron, or you're not. If you're not get out of my way and let me do what needs doing. They were not on Team Ron. I was rude and abrasive to them, but it was apparent to all that I loved Ron and was absolutely committed to him. Even Ron said he'd rather have me than the rest.
So I guess Ron is a man without a family. Not all of it is my fault, though.
1 comment:
None of it is your fault in regards to Ron and his family. They sound like a bunch of morons. Not to mention why continue to breed defective genes into the family gene pool? It is just selfish and moronic.
You don't want to be around those people anyway they sound like losers. Pretty pathetic that they didn't even have the decency to let family know that about the funeral.
My mother didn't want to tell her brother that their mother was dying - a payback to him for being the golden child ALL those year's and their own riff between each other.
My brother called him to let him know and he was able to speak to his mother after having been estranged for the better part of a decade. She passed shortly after that. It was the right thing to do and although our own mother was angry about it, sometimes it is better to do what is right and hope the other person comes to that realization later.
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