Testimony, if you haven't heard it.

I can't remember if I've done a "testimony" blog, so I thought I'd do one.

As you know, my mother drank a lot, every day, while she was carrying me.  She damaged my brain.  She was also bipolar and had a lot of high-drama.

She had lost my brother a few years before; he died of the Bubble Boy disease.  I am most likely a carrier, which is why I married a sterile man (Ron had the operation).

So, there I am, lying in my crib, massively neglected - that's my first memory.  I also have a few positive memories of my first cat.

My mother couldn't care for herself, or me.  Long story short, child protective services got involved, my mother lost custody, and moved out.  So did my sister, who was basically my "real" mom at that point.  I even lost my cat.

I was 3.  So, there I am, just me and my Dad.  We had a couple good years there.  He remarried when I was 5.

The other kids didn't like me.  I was different.  I was bullied at school.  I had a hard time learning verbally.

However, once I learned to read I could learn anything.

At age 7, I was next to my Dad in church.  I must have been pretty restless, because he turned to me and handed me the "Good News Bible" they kept in the pew.  "Read this" he said.  I did.

I got saved a year later.  I had fallen in love with God, completely.

I read my Bible frequently, carried it around, and was furious when someone stole the little Gideon Bible I got at school one day.

One of the most traumatic events of my teenage years - one of the other family members stole my Bible and started ripping it up.  I managed to "save" it.

I had a lot of anger because my life was completely unfair.  By this time, I was exhibiting both manias and depressions, but my therapist couldn't see it.

I met Ron at age 17, and ran off with him the day after I turned 18.  I thought we'd marry.  He thought differently.

"Go home if you want" he used to threaten me.  "Do you want me to call them to pick you up?"  I would have done just about anything to prevent that.  So, I threw my morals aside and lived in sin for years.

I still read my Bible, and every time I did I was convicted of my sin.  I used to worry about the Rapture, and getting left behind.

Ron got the business, and was very demanding.  I had to be everything.  I almost had a nervous breakdown.

I kept wanting to leave Ron, but kept getting a "no" from God.  I didn't get it.  We weren't married.  Why should I stay?

One night I had a dream, and took this all to God.  He said, soon, all my fondest dreams would come true (I always wanted a little house, and dreamed of it).  "Even marrying Ron?"  "Especially marrying Ron - he will DEMAND it."  Ha, that would be the day, Ron and I had huge fights if I even mentioned marriage.  I "put it on the shelf" and went on with my life.

Then, he got run over.  I took my Bible to the waiting room and asked God for a sign.  I got it.  Psalm 72.  About a week later, I literally went down on my knees and repented of my sin.  I suffered so much because Ron and I weren't married, and I understood: that's why God had said no, to spare me this pain.

I was all set to tell Ron he had to marry me, or else, but when he found out what his family did to me he demanded we marry.  I had flashbacks to my dream.  Sure enough, he was demanding it.

In the meantime, I was sitting in ICU with my Bible.  I had a Bible.  I looked around, all the other families were hurting just as much as me.  But they didn't have a Bible.  It ate at me.

During one mania (remember, undiagnosed), I had bought several paperback Bibles.  So, I brought them in when everyone was at lunch, and put them on the end tables.  Then I went to lunch.

When I came back, everyone was literally feasting on the Word.  It was awesome.  They kept saying, what a great idea, I'm getting so much comfort, etc.  One lady basically told me she knew it was me, and wondered if she could keep her Bible.  I said "I'm sure that was the idea".

I did occasional Bible handouts, individually, over the years.  I'd share my testimony, or Ron his, and someone would be so intrigued by our God they wanted to meet Him, I'd hand over my Bible, and then I'd need another one.

I finally got smart and started getting spares, handing them out when led.  However, I was still "sick".  My depressions were getting worse, and I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder September 1, 2006.  I got medication.  Oh, I was so happy to meet my medication.

As I got better, God had me doing more and more for Him.  Pretty soon, He put it in my head to do Bible Handouts.  First Bible Handout

I did, got hooked, and will go wherever He sends me.

It's probably important to mention, in 2009, I started doing serious Bible Study and prayer for everyone,  on a daily basis - that's when God really ramped up the evangelism.  I'm sure they're connected.