Sunday, August 2, 2020

Sunday morning

I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad headache.  This seems to be the new thing for me.  I took some Excedrin, checked in on Ron, and went back to bed.  

I woke up around 7 and checked in on Ron again, he asked for bacon and hard boiled eggs for breakfast.  He had been asking for bacon and I bought some yesterday, so he knew I had it to cook.  

He wanted the precooked but I got the raw because it was thick cut and if I'm going to eat bacon it will be thick cut.  I have never cooked bacon in a skillet before, we always used a gadget to cook it.  The gadget was broken.  I was able to cook it just fine.  

I have a gas stove so low heat seemed to be the trick, and Ron was hugely appreciative when I gave it to him.  That was nice.  He got a little frustrated later on that he needed help.  

But that is one thing I see in the caregiver group; very few loved ones are very appreciative or even consistently so.  More often they are lashing out at their caregivers, angry they have been brought to such a state as to need all the help.  

I only have one reference point for me, when I had a kidney infection back in 1993.  Actually I had a series of very bad bladder infections and my primary doctor at the HMO said "Your test came back positive for a bladder infection but I don't believe it" and refused to prescribe antibiotics.  Which then led to fever, chills, very dark urine, and a raging kidney infection that put me in the hospital for a week.  The doctor was fired for his mistake which cost the HMO a lot of money. 

I was hospitalized for a week, as I said, with severe nausea and vomiting, they had me on an IV.  The nausea was so bad I would beg God to let me vomit.  I was not sleeping as a result and became very manic and abrupt with the staff, the head nurse actually had a talk with me about "bothering" them.  I did try not to push the button after that and I recovered, and actually bought a BBQ bacon double cheeseburger on the way home from the hospital as I FINALLY had an appetite.  And I ate it with no problem.  

I got a book on bladder infections (before the internet) and she said use an unscented detergent without washing soda.  So I did that and that helped a lot.  She also had some self care advise on cleaning up after bowel movement and sex, that was the finishing touch.  

I have found the moist, non-flushable, unscented wipe after both sex, and the bowel movement, to be extremely helpful.  That pretty much ended the bladder infections.  I still use them and have found them very helpful for Ron care as well.  

And Ron called me into his room and apologized for being abrupt.  I told him I understood.  And I do it isn't EASY being messed up, have to rely on someone else for even the basic things in life.  Hopefully I can have some empathy.  

It must be even worse when you know you're not getting better, ever, you will just get worse and worse until you die. That's just awful.  

So I try to make Jesus proud.  And Ron does, too.  

Do I think, like some authors, we have a special bond as a result and I am enlightened for it?  No.  I don't.  I am just doing what I would want done for me.  Do I think Ron has improved of late, mentally?  Yes.  His attitude is much better.  

I told him once or twice he can make it easy for me or he can make it hard, it is his choice.  I asked him how he would feel caring for a bitter person who lashed out frequently, and then I let that cook for a while.  He decided, on his own, he didn't want to be the bitter person around me and has made quite an attitude adjustment.  

Which makes me all the more happy to do what's needed.  

He was talking about getting some help because he doesn't want to "bother" me all the time.  I think I have a good attitude about helping him, I don't make him "pay".  If it isn't urgent and I am busy I will tell him.  For instance, if I'm in the shower.  

If we can arrange help I will take it, I'm not an idiot.  I just hope they are OK with nudity Ron hates clothes.  Some medical people had major issues with that.  I don't see the big deal I am not hiring vestal virgins.  They have seen a naked man before, and Ron isn't going to act perverted.  We will see.  

And I hope they like cats... if Baby Girl has her way she may be able to con the caregiver into giving her a steady supply of treats.  That could be a wonderful thing for the cats.  

As they see it.  

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