Friday

 I slept OK last night.  I go to bed at my usual time, around 8, and set an alarm for 10.  I get up, feed Ron a snack and his pills, go back to bed.  Today I slept until 7.  

I got up and did some housework, swept the floor and mopped.  I also did my God Time.  Took care of Ron.  Finally got a shower around 10.  I didn't want to do the shower and get all sweaty from housework.  That defeats the purpose.  

So I did that, got his pills into him as well.  There is a tropical thing out in the gulf, could head to Houston.  REALLY glad I have a big honkin' bottle of seizure pills for Ron now.  I'm not as worried about the blood pressure pills, I have a couple weeks of them, but was worried about seizures...

It is VERY BAD to stop taking seizure pills suddenly, it can kill a person.  For real.  Of course it would probably kill me to go off my meds (literally) but I just got 3 month refills on everything myself.  It (the tropical thing) does not look too horrible just 60 mph right now.  I think that storm that felled #6's tree was worse than that.  And that tree is gone I don't have to worry about it anymore.  So moderately worried but not freaking.  

I am more worried about seizures.  

This morning Ron said maybe he would like a bedpan.  Not that clearly but said sometimes he might prefer an in bed option.  I said you will need a bedpan for that, do you want me to buy you one?  He said yes.  I checked back in a few hours later and the answer was still yes, so I got one.  

While shopping I found this image on Amazon and found it hysterical.  

It's in the grass!  The last place you would put a bedpan!   I found that hysterical.  

I got another model one that is heavier duty.  Ron is slim but I don't want a flimsy toilet for him.  We will see how that goes, it may be a good option for when I am at work.  We need to figure something out, he is less able to do things since he started on the seizure medication, BUT that is life saving and we cannot stop it just because Ron may need a bedpan.  Or whatever.  

I just wish I knew what to expect.  We all know there comes a time when I can't take care of him any more.  When that is, what I do after, God only knows.  Two people have mentioned various concerns.  Yes, I know.  I am aware I am under investigation by APS, as well as being viewed a "victim" by them. If anything that may help bolster what I have done for him.  But I may encounter someone who is not sympathetic.  

He is eating pork rinds right now, it is nice he can sometimes eat independently.  A nursing home is not likely to provide a ketogenic diet as I am doing.  I have to consider that.  I did read that keto can help with reducing alcohol cravings.  That would be nice if true.  I did get him a variety of pork rinds at Walmart so he has a choice.  Macs makes really good rinds, the salt and pepper ones are my favorite.  And I think it is safe to ask the other vendor to pick us up a case of the one ounce bags of BBQ.  He is working on one right now.  It's a nice portion control.  

But a nursing home can't do keto.  

I guess it really comes down to: CAN I LEAVE HIM ALONE?  While I work and run errands?  I have seen a pretty dramatic decline this year.  Could he get in the wheelchair and out of the house in an emergency (fire, etc.)?  Yes.  Other questions remain a question mark.  The good news, if I can find help I don't really have anything worth stealing.  

Apparently it is very common for movers to steal things like jewelry.  I never had a problem with Apache (we used them twice, some years ago) the guys were great both times and nothing gone.  The last guys I would never call.  But the jewelry is gone and I don't really have anything notable for a snoop, except maybe the reusable menstrual pads in the closet (I don't use them they are just a backup).  But I don't have any sex toys, porn, etc.  I have a password on my computer.  

Back to Ron I am going to start regulating his alcohol and see if that helps.  Hopefully it will.  I will be in for a difficult time in the short term but longer term I hope he will bounce back and get more independence.  

I never expected him to just give up and it feels like he has, this year.  I am still struggling on but I feel alone now.  He used to talk about "two horses pulling the wagon" together but now I feel more like a sled dog dragging him behind me now.  

So anyway I took away his alcohol.  He has not moderated his intake as promised.  I told him I will give him a small portion now and then but not when we are going somewhere or when I have to leave him.  I will slowly begin reduction.  We will see how that goes.  Hopefully I will see some mental/physical improvement.  

I didn't tell him about the reduction but I did explain things would be different.  "What gives me the right?"  The fact that I am his only caregiver.  I explained he is welcome to move out and find someone else to take care of him and give him alcohol, but no one would, including a nursing home, due to the legal implications.  That I was at least willing to help him with some alcohol.  

I am also not stupid and cutting him off completely would result in DT's,  really severe seizures, and could possibly kill him especially at the rate he is going.  At any rate the conversation went Ron shouting at me, me shouting NO many times, him cajoling, and me explaining, him accepting.  And he's arguing again.  

This is going to be a long road.  I explained it is either me and severely limited alcohol intake; [because he PROMISED he would "cut way back" on the vodka when he started medication, but did not, in fact seeming to INCREASE his intake, turning into an insensate vegetable - I at least need to TRY cut the alcohol back and see if that helps.] or assisted living of some sort, with no alcohol permitted at all.    

Because, as I explained, I am not going to be liable if he drinks himself to death.  I am done, metaphorically handing him big bottles of vodka to swill at every opportunity.  I don't want to come in here and find you dead - I told him - not like that.  

I also did a good job of explaining how he has burned any credibility he had regarding his alcohol use.  I explained, I believe he will drink as much as he can get, and even if he promised me he would stop I wouldn't believe him, as I have a good 20 years of broken promises.  He couldn't argue with that.  

I also explained how sad it was to me the one time he passed out in the kitchen on the floor, and his cat went over and sniffed at him very sadly, looking up at me with pitiful brown eyes.  And all I could say was "I know".  He's even hurting his cat (emotionally).  

I don't know about you but I will do a lot for my cats.  So he has a lot to think about.  

The take away for Ron: I am going to regulate the alcohol intake (and, between us, reduce it).  Or he can find somewhere else to live that will not allow him any alcohol at all.  He is NEVER going to get an unlimited supply of alcohol, again.  

 A good example, a couple months ago Ron said he wanted some little bottles of alcohol, so I bought him a party bucket.  It had a couple dozen tiny bottles in various flavors.  He asked for it right as I was leaving for work so I shoved the whole thing at him.  When I got home he was passed out and had drunk 8 shots' worth.  This was before he started on any medication.  

That sort of said it all.