Most of Monday

I woke up with a crushing headache today, took my headache pills.  I took care of Ron.  One thing we determined it is best if I put a bath towel behind his head and shoulder.  We're going to keep that up.  

He ate, I gave him a bath, I charged his cell phone and gave it back, and then I headed off to work.  I had a pretty easy time with rides today.  

I got to work and the machines were still stocked: after a week.  That is without a doubt the Worst Sales Ever.  I did what I could, took the money out, counted it.  I made the soda order, then I took a Uber to the bank to make the deposit.  I had a very long wait in line.  

Most people were making withdrawals of some sort, cashing checks.  The last several times I have been to the bank there's a middle aged to older guy taking a couple thousand out of savings.  

Not today, I guess all the savings are depleted.  I made a deposit to the business, enough to cover the soda delivery with an extra $40 just in case, and a deposit to personal to cover some Ubers.  

I was able to get a ride home pretty quick.  Ron was asleep.  

Last night my stepmother had made some comments about me "Leaving Ron all alone".  I explained, very patiently, Ron can use the commode chair by himself.  His wheelchair is right there if he had to leave the house.  He has water, lemonade, and snack bars (in addition to just being fed when I left).  He had entertainment, radio and talking book.  He had cat treats.  

Her attitude he should never be left alone "in his condition".  He was fine when I got back.  He is able to make his own decisions and has said he doesn't want me to hire a sitter.  And he was fine.  He didn't even use the toilet.  

So I don't feel bad about that.  I just resent (mildly) being shamed.  I don't see them offering to help with Ron.  Not that they could do much that far but I can think of a few things.  I won't go into detail  because what they do or don't is on them, but throwing rocks does not help.  I am a severely mentally ill, brain damaged woman, taking care of myself, five cats, a business, and a very disabled man.  I think I am doing a good job.  The house is clean and smells fresh.  Ron smells fresh, so do I.  We have clean bedding and clothes.  I have a freaking log of everything I do.  The litter boxes are maintained.  I am saving up money for vaccines for the cats I am a couple weeks late on that, but I think a lot of pet people are this year.  

Overall I think I am doing a good job and I really only want to hear one thing: I am doing a good job.  Ron is still alive, nourished, no bedsores, clean and happy.  He called me into his room just now to play me a love song and tell me how much he does love me, and is "sorry" he is "such a burden".  I reminded him I married him in a wheelchair and that made him feel better.  When asked, by the social worker, he was adamant he is happy with me and wants to be with me.  So that's it,as far as I'm concerned... but not helping.

Of course I question myself.  I worry about his water intake in particular.  It is a battle to get him to drink a few ounces now and then.  

I'm it for him; he's got no one else.  I think I am doing a good job and I hang onto that.  

But it was VERY upsetting if I am honest.  She never reads the blog so I can say this.  

So, I took a nap once I checked in on Ron.  I didn't sleep well and got up after about 45 minutes.  I decided to do my God Time, which I had missed this morning due to crushing headache.  I took some Excedrin as it was still around, sat down, and opened my Bible.  

I have a Giant Print NKJV, I had it open... it is a hardback.  Biscuit leapt up in my lap and walked over the Gospel of John, he did not crease any pages.  I reminded myself I could always get another Bible but I will only have one Biscuit.  I petted him as he purred and shed white/gray cat hair all over me, the Bible, the floor.  Eventually he got bored and left.  

I finished my God Time.  I ordered something from Sam's Club a few days ago.  I am a "Plus" member (for work) and I got free shipping and a very low price on my item.  I was very happy.  I got it in 3 days, can't beat that.  

So I put that away and helped Ron some more; as I've said he's not a "This is going to take an hour or two" more a "5-10 minutes here and there, maybe 20 if we are doing a bath and bed change".  He is happy.  I found his flash drive for him he is very happy.  

He ate spaghettios with meatballs today, asked me to buy more which I will do.  It was pretty messy for breakfast but the "dinner" went well.  He took his vitamin without complaint as well.  I feel much better about his nutrition knowing he is at least getting a basic multivitamin every day.  

I mailed his unwanted talking book today so hopefully he will get a new one pretty soon.  I may surprise him and call the library, ask for something for him, just to keep him occupied.  Although he has done well for himself entertainment wise.  

I will check the mail in about an hour, it has been coming later and later every day.  Hopefully some good news... we will see.  

We have a lot of unemployed vendors in the program right now and some of them are ganging up on their supervisors.  I talked to Ron and we put in a positive comment for ours.  I understand a lot of vendors have high expectations but these days you need to adjust.  I took out about half what I used to, today, but it was a lot better than the zero I could be looking at.  I don't blame "management" for that.  

Work management had to take out the chairs or they could be sued the next time someone sickens and dies.  Our program management did a lot better than I expected, considering...so I don't blame them.  This is - this whole year - has just been horrible and there is no person or entity I can blame.  I just keep my head down and try to get through.  

I can understand wanting to lash out, I will often get very upset at someone who is not directly related to my present pain, I work on that, diligently.  

I think I do pretty well considering.