Friday

 As far as I recall I slept OK last night.  I got up, took care of Ron (as much as he'd let me).  In some ways he is doing very well he does do what he can for himself in a safe way.  That is a relief and a load off me.  

He was very sweet most of the day but snapped at me just now.  He was hurting and generally is very good about apologizing.  He just doesn't understand you can't just shovel NSAIDS endlessly down your gullet.  His primary is worried about an ulcer, in fact.  I need to research an acid reducer for that but I know one of them caused kidney failure?  So gotta be careful.  

Anyway I got Ron done up, did my God Time, and went to work.  The bottled vendor was still working, praise God.  I stocked it, and everything else I could.  I took the money out of the machines.  I sorted change and put the quarters into the bill changer.  I left and called Jack.  

With Jack, I can run through a drive through, he doesn't mind.  I did that and got Ron a burger.  He actually answered when I called him this time, I was shocked, he was very cute/sweet on the phone.  So I got him what he wanted: a double cheeseburger, no pickles.  I got myself a fried chicken sandwich.  It was pretty good.  

I came home.  I got in the house OK and did some more Ron care, then I got dizzy all of a sudden.  I sat down and took my blood pressure, which was fine (110/64 I believe), so that wasn't it.  I had just eaten the sandwich so it wasn't my blood sugar (I didn't check).  I laid down for a while and that helped.  I do feel better but still a little "off".  Probably my medication.  I take some hard core stuff so I am not overly worried.  

I used to have - this - whatever it is, a lot when I first started on my cocktail (the 4 medications I take for my condition).  It would get pretty bad at times, one time I was walking with Ron (who could walk, at the time), I had to shove him into a parked car as I grabbed onto it for balance.  The paratransit driver didn't understand and thought I had "run" him into the car "on purpose".  I didn't bother to explain.  So I'm not overly worried.  Dizziness and lightheadness are common side effects with my meds, I have just been "lucky" lately.  

And we can't forget I am nearing the end of the road for fertility.  One thing I have learned from my group a lot of women have very extreme symptoms for quite some time before it all ends.  Others end up on hormones for decades to stave it off.  So whacky hormones (I should be ovulating about now) can play a factor too.  

Am I seeing it, whatever it is, as a big deal?  No.  But I do need to get that blood test.  But I am not worried as I have dealt with this in the past.  It comes, it goes.  

Ron did say I should get some Uber eats for dinner.  He had the burger today, he's good.  But I might.  I have cold protein shakes but bleh.  

He is back to his sweet self, did not apologize but that is OK.  

Once I got up I did 2 things, I counted the money, and then I did a load of laundry.  The money had touched my clothes and I didn't want to wear it again as that, I consider, as "dirty".  I know some people bleaching their milk cartons from the grocery store but I don't do any of that.  I will wash my clothes after I count the money, though.  And my hands.  While I was at it I took a shower.  

I would have taken it, ideally, when I got home from work but I just didn't feel up to it.  Then I did the clothes.  They are agitating right now.  I do have a rule about washing clothes that touch money.  

For instance, one bill I counted today was covered in some sort of black stuff, marker on other bills.  That is apparently a tradition for some people, on their birthday they pin a dollar to their shoulder/chest and then everyone else comes along and adds money to it, taping it onto the bill before.  They often write well-wishes on the bill with a marker.  Which banks HATE.  They do accept the bill, they have to, but the put it in the "ruined" envelope.  I don't really care as long as the bank is taking the bill.  

I think the worst bill, and I've discussed this, was the ill tempered customer who soaked a bill in bacon grease and threatened to put it in our best selling vending machine (it would have ruined the bill acceptor) because "It's the only one I have and I want a drink" trying to strong arm me into giving her a free drink.  I took that horrible slimy thing from her (she wasn't expecting that) and sold her the drink.  She never did it again and I threw away the bill when no one was looking.  I would have been ashamed to take that to the bank.  I have also had bills with food/blood on them.  It sure LOOKED like blood.  I try not to look too closely but I assure you I wash my hands thoroughly after I handle the cash.  

Ick.  I'm getting the crawlies just writing about it.  And I am not Mrs. Clean.  The house is decent but not immaculate.  But I do draw the line at cash, it is dirty.  I remember times the ink would stain my fingers.  What else is coming off those bills?  

Anyway I got all that and just put the clothes in the dryer.  Let me tell you, that washer can sure agitate.  

I was really happy I got my God Time in before I went to work, sometimes I slack on that but not today.  I have a huge stack of study Bibles/devotionals if quantity = piety than I am devout!  But I just want to know I am in God's will and doing what pleases Him.  That is all.  I find it encouraging all my books/Bibles are showing signs of wear.  I have a near mint condition Bible given to my grandmother when she graduated high school, it is apparent she never read it.  I want a bunch of raggedy, falling apart Bibles.  In fact two of my Bibles have sections falling/fell out.  I would retire the one Bible (I did, the other) but I don't think they make it any more.  Let me look.  

They have it but only in a paperback.  That's not going to work for consistent (I hope) daily usage.... I will have to think about it.  They did have an imitation leather which I put on my wish list if I want, later.  It is just a little sad December 31 falls out every time I open the Bible.  But God would rather I read the Bible 'till it falls apart than have a nice pretty one like my grandmother's.  I mean, it meant enough to her she kept it all those years (70) but she never touched it and that is very sad.  

But I can understand why she was bitter, she had a hard life.  She lost her parents at a young age, and went to an orphanage with her younger sister, who was one of those bright, vivacious, children everyone loves.  An aunt was supposed to adopt my grandmother but took the little girl instead.  My grandmother moves on, graduates college (I believe), became a mathematician, met a nice young man in the military, got married, got pregnant, SAW HIM DIE before her eyes, his family screwed her out of the pension (he forgot to change the beneficiary), battled with his family for years, they refused to support her or their child (my mother), it was a horrible life, really.  And she had schizophrenia (diagnosed but not accepted) so that affected everything too.  

God could have helped if she had leaned on Him; that's all I will say.  I would hate to walk that road with only my bitterness but that is the life she chose for herself.  It is not surprising that, raised in that house, my mother ran off at age 12, got pregnant, and married her first husband.  She had 2 children before she turned 15, I am sure my grandmother was just thrilled about that!  

Which is one reason I do pray for family, I worry about my brother, he was badly burned by someone professing Jesus and is totally turned off now.  He did take a Bible after his accident when he was recovering.  So I have that at least to console me, he has that.  But I do pray for unsaved family and friends because I do worry about them, particularly my brother and his granddaughter, a very bright and sweet young lady.  I should let her (we are Facebook friends) know I am praying for her daily.  

So some of my Bibles are falling apart.  I did ask, a few years ago, and my Dad bought me a very nice hardback Chronological NKJV daily Bible.  The Bible is in chronological order so you might have a passage from 2 Kings and then Jeremiah.  My other daily Bible is a "canoniacal" one and it just goes in the standard order, I am in Job right now.  I always seem to be battling depression when I am in Job but the BEST passage for me today:  

Job 29:15 NKJV

I was eyes to the blind; 

I was feet to the lame.  

That is exactly my life!  I had a good laugh over that.  

But Ron does do what he can for himself.  Sometimes, though, for instance, I will feed him if it is a messy food because I don't want to clean him/everything else up.  But he should be good on food for today.  

I may see if I can take the Bible to a book binder and have them redo the binding.  They don't make it in a hardback anymore so it might be worth it.  I will have to pray on it.  Or I can put it "out there" I would like the imitation leather as a gift and someone get me that.  

I like to let people know what I want, that way I get something I want.  My sister had a bad habit of sending me all these little dustcatchers, they were cute but I don't have room for that in my house.  I would have rather gotten a couple of economy Bibles to hand out.  

Some, completely AWESOME people, would send me whole cases of Bibles.  Everyone in the world has my address because that's all it took "Let me send you a case of Bibles" and they always did.  One guy and I got into a discussion about kjv vs other translations and I said "If you want me to hand out KJV send me some" and I'll be damned but he did, I think 3 cases.  And I did hand them out.  I always loved finding those on the porch, that's a gift I'd get excited about.  

Lately God has me more at home but I will get those Bibles distributed.  I have about 5 cases.  

But, for some reason, family just HATED the idea of getting me Bibles to hand out.  My aunt got me a case of Gospels of John in Spanish but the rest of them wouldn't do it.  That was 250, it took me a while to hand them out but I did it.  I liked they were small and fit easily in my bag, so I could fill up the bag with English and still have room for the Spanish.  Because I want to serve everyone.  One time I was able to hand out a Vietnamese scripture booklet, that was so cool.  He didn't think I had anything for him (laughing).  But God had other plans!  I am glad I listened when He told me to put it in my bag that morning.  

But I am happy with what I have re: study materials.  I spend about half my time listening (reading the materials) and half my time talking (intercessory prayer for virtually everything you can imagine).  And, happy to say, have been doing this off and on for over 11 years.  I am glad I have been able to dig in and do this now.  It feels like a good use of my time, an investment in eternity.  

Now, as Golgotha (the place Jesus got crucified) shows, even a last minute gasp for help by a sinner gets you into heaven.  But I would like to carry a relationship with me when I do go.  

I need to go figure out dinner; I'm going to go.