I've never run out of Bibles

I could do a heartbreaking post on my "lack" of Bibles.  "I only have enough for two Handouts" I'd say... "And not very big ones at that.  Please pray God sends me more Bibles."

I could - but I won't.  I remind myself often "God is mighty to save".  Isaiah 63:1  So, I let Him.  

If God wants to get me Bibles, He will work to make that happen.  I imagine my sponsors get the same itch I do "I need to buy Heather some Bibles" and pretty soon, I've got a case on the porch.  

If not, I'll Handout what I've got and save my pennies for the next one.  I've never run out of Bibles.  I remember one time, things were very tight.  I could only afford $25 for Bibles.   I called the bookstore to ask them to hold 50 Bibles.  They got the manager; he said he wouldn't do it.  Why?  "Someone just bought you 300 Bibles".

So, I don't worry.  My life has been ALL about stepping out in faith.  In fact, many famous evangelists have had big trials of faith: one guy was led to give his entire savings to a fisherman's widow.  She was "supposed" to get a final check from the owner of the fishing boat - supposed to.  But it was already months late and she was in danger of starving.

So, Hudson, that was his name (J Hudson Taylor), gave her his savings, and a month later she got her money and paid him back.  He said that month taught him to trust in God for everything, which turned out to be a good thing, because he had a very hard time getting funding for his Inland China Mission!   It was years before he could depend on enough money to feed his kids - which is one reason he chose the "go native" style and lived very cheaply, as a Chinese Mandarin would.

God called me to do this.  He will supply me.  I'm not worried.  I've got enough for the next handout, and the one after that.

For all I know I'll get raptured before I hit a third handout.

A strong back

Metrolift does not go to my church.  They get pretty close, but not all the way.

I knew Justin from an internet message board.  He attends the church.  When he found out Ron and I needed a ride, he was happy to step up.

So, every Sunday, he comes to get us.  He's a good man.  I like him because he teases Ron; exactly what Ron needs.

I also like him because he shares many, many of my beliefs.  This is not a love letter to Justin.

While talking to him today, he just looked at me as I discussed, with eager anticipation, my upcoming handout in Acres Homes.  I just have an itch to go there.  We did our last handout in Acres Homes, and we both had a good time (except for eating some bad BBQ after - it was very fatty).

He said something along the lines of "Wow, you really want to do this" and I basically replied I am called to it.  I am hard pressed to think of any statement that says "I need a medication tune up", more than "I am called to go ___"  I get it; I understand what it sounds like.

I'm still called to do it.  Ron wants to do our usual handout sometime this week, going to the corner in the "better" area and handing them out on the median.  I'm happy to go, it's always a productive handout.

I want to move my Bibles; I don't want a big stack with dust on the boxes.  I want a low inventory and a lot of happy recipients.

A lot of Christians don't even understand: God commands us to reach out.

I'm going to use links:
Mark 16:15  Jesus tells us to preach the gospel
Matthew 28:19-20  Jesus tells us to preach the gospel
Romans 10:13-15 - commissioned to preach the gospel
I Corinthians 9:16 - I have to preach the gospel.
Jeremiah 20:9  - I have to preach the gospel.  (I should add, here, I don't do any preaching, but I do share my story, and Ron's, and what God has done for us).

An interesting note, when God called the Old Testament patriarchs and prophets, they all said the same thing: Here I am.  Genesis 22:1, 1 Samuel 3:4, Isaiah 6:8.  Those are just my favorites.

So, I'm not alone here - other people get the same itch.  Other people are called.  In fact, I believe all Christians are "called".

Someone, recently, said "Evangelism is something you do, Heather."  I thought that was alarming, and very sad.

I think I've effectively "proven" God calls all of us to "work".  I am just a field hand, working to bring in the harvest.  Matthew 9:36-38  No more than a field hand.  I don't want a title.  I don't want a t-shirt (although I do toy with the idea of a custom-made "Free Bibles" baseball cap in purple).  I don't want recognition, or acclaim.  I just want to share Him.

God has done so much for me, carried me through so much.  I believe a part of that is so I could show who I am, in God.  Two verses come to mind:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+48:10&version=NKJV
Job 23:10

"Everyone" knows what an unsaved person would have done when Ron started with the drinking and verbal abuse, God used it to spark some pretty awesome Bible Handouts.  I saw it as my crucible: heating me up and burning off impurities in my soul; making me a stronger Christian.  I also prayed on it daily and asked God to guide me in my dealings with Ron.

None of that was me, that was God, working in me.  I aim to please God, my #1 job.  Not pleasing Ron, or myself, but God.  I think with that goal in mind, I'll do OK.

I don't kid myself, either.  My trials are not over, not by a long shot.  Ron's planning to buy a 2 liter bottle of whiskey, and use a funnel (by himself) to fill up the 200 ml bottles, then drink "off" them.  I think it's awful, but it's a choice Ron has to make for himself.

I just ask God to give me a strong back, for whatever comes.

Video Blog!

Yay, I got another follower!  I wasn't planning on doing a video blog but I will, to celebrate.


Cute purring footage at 12:04.

Deliverance from addictions

I'm just not feeling a video blog tonight.

I'm not in despair, just depressed "enough" that everything seems hard.  Ugh.

No headache, bladder seems happy.  I got a galloping attack of the stupids early today.  Ron finds it "cute" and endearing.  I think it makes him really happy because it's tangible proof I am medicated.

Our relationship took a big twist when I got medicated - his drinking actually started picking up as I got better.  I was the mentally sick person, and he wasn't.  Then I was better and he was sick.

He went to the liquor store today, but only bought beer.  Good.  I was a little nervous with the whiskey in the house.  Thanking God for that.  I don't say anything, AA is pretty clear on that.

"Deliverance from addictions" - something I pray every day.

The cats are doing well.  Bubba is establishing dominance over the kitten, which is vital.  He came and sat with me in the yard for a while today, which I really loved.  We used to visit like that before he moved in.  He'd some and stand next to me, getting his petting.  Once he had enough petting, he would eat his dinner.  Hard to believe that was 9 years ago.

On a really morbid note, it's probably a good thing we have a very young family member, considering Bubba is a senior.  Ron would have been a real mess if something had happened to Bubs.

I need to go... (((Hugs)))

Considering

Today, we ran some errands.

I was very upset, right before my trip, when I pulled my "new" black jeans out of the dryer and realized they had fallen apart.  I wore the blue ones, when traveling, instead.

I wanted to return them, but I felt like I had a vicious parasite, in my head, gnawing my brain.  I manage to get the jeans returned.

Last year, Walmart had some cute sweats.  I waited too long and the purple ones sold out.  I made sure I got BOTH purple sweats today.  It's not like I can wear them to church, or anything, but I know anything purple in a sporty style will be a big wardrobe feature.

I looked around a little more, and got some food items, soda, and cat litter.  I also got some canned cat food.  The kids will love it.

After that, we went home.

A little later, Ron made a trip to check out our "satellite" vending machine, which needs stocking.  I went to  a dollar store, too.  I was happy to get some daily shower cleaner, some body wash, various cat toys, the chips Ron likes, baking soda for the litter box, carpet fresh, etc.  We had a pretty good ride home, too.  I ate and took my pills.

Naptime.  Yay.  Headache nightmares, not so yay.  No energy.

But, I got a lot done, considering.  The kitten loves her new toys.

I want it to stick!

I've been plagued with some nasty headaches lately.  Pretty much everyday, on my scale, a "Bad headache" to "Migraine" (basically mid-range).

I don't think it's triggered by coming home.  It could be any number of things, but I will be sitting down at the blood pressure checker at work tomorrow.

You can find my post "The Galveston Bladder Infection" - it seems that every time I go on vacation, I bring home a bladder infection, which is ironic because I didn't get lucky on any of them.  Can a woman get lucky?  I don't know... but it was a hassle, expensive ($100 per), and painful.

Praise God, this time I managed to whack it.  I drank a lot of water, very careful, and took my herbal things.

Why?  I'm not sure.  I can only guess I'm more rushed in the bathroom, with less bathroom access, and maybe less fluid intake.

My, I'm positive.  I'm also cycling depressed.  I'm just thanking God I did not while on vacation - oh, that would have been dreadful.

More so, because I bought "expensive" family heirlooms, to my nieces, as gifts.  Expensive for me, the most valuable things I own.  One, a set of silverware.  I almost had a heart attack when I saw the estimate for that.  My older niece loves it; and she can use it for entertaining, which I never do.  I felt very good giving it to her.

I gave my younger niece the pearls my mother gave me.  I never have an opportunity to wear them.  My church is very casual, and I don't go to dress-up events.  Even if I do, I have a nice strand of black freshwater pearls I bought myself back in the late 90's, I think.

My mother gave me a set of classic round pearls, cream colored, very lovely, with a gold clasp.  They cost far more than "my" pearls.  I can talk about them now because they are gone.

I figured, accurately, I think, that my older sister would give her pearls to her oldest daughter.  I don't have kids, so I thought it would be appropriate to give "mine" to the younger (24) daughter.  She loved them.  She's the closest thing I have to a daughter, and I wanted her to have them.

Now, imagine my poor sister, watching me give all this away, while depressed.  That is a huge red flag for a suicide risk - giving away "treasures".

Me?  I'm delighted I gave them away, to lovely young women who will enjoy, admire, appreciate, and use them.  I think I live a pretty boring life.

I know, nothing boring about the evangelism or Bible Handouts, but other than that, I'm "boring"?  Maybe?  Opinions welcome.

So, I'm glad I did it.  It was a little nervy getting them shipped.

For the rehearsal dinner, I wore a black gauzy dress with batwing sleeves, my black pearls, and some Revlon color stay lipgloss in a deep berry color.  Everyone said I looked cute.

For the wedding, I wore an amethyst chip necklace, to match the purple in my predominately blue, gauzy, water-color type dress; along with some Revlon Colorstay lipstick in Endless Mauve.  I do love that lipstick, when I wear lipstick I want it to STICK.

Everyone said I looked nice, and my sister helped me put my hair in a bun.  Nice and appropriate.

Then, my brother showed up.  He wore a polo short and his "nice" black jeans.  He looked good, I thought.  By most standards he was underdressed but the bride was thrilled to see him, and said anyone who had a problem with his attire could just deal.

It was fun for me, because my brother took one look at me, said "Amethyst, I KNEW it!" and pulled out a necklace he made me with amethyst beads!  I turned my chip necklace into a bracelet, by looping it over my wrist a few times, and donned my new necklace.  I love it.

It is not expensive, in the traditional sense, but my brother made it for me.  He picked out the beads and strung them together, wondering if I'd like it.  That means more to me than a trunk full of diamonds.

I had VERY little contact with my brother, so it's good to know he cares.  I had a lot of fun hanging out with him.

I just wish I could lick these headaches.

I have a severe medical condition

I think God is working on my pride.

Proud of a job well done - probably a good thing.  Dwelling on it?  Probably a bad thing.

It is very easy for me to focus on what I have done, and not what I have yet to do.  It's one reason I don't keep track of the number of Bibles distributed.  I do know pride will render me useless; so I welcome whatever correction God sends my way.

Currently, migraines.  A couple of migraines, and a couple more bad headaches.  Now, last Wednesday was my fault.  I ate chocolate chip cookies, delicious ones, then I went to a candle shop and smelled a lot of candles - either activity would have triggered a migraine.  Both, definitely.

The rest, I'm attributing to unusual activity.  No naps, lots of activity, limited sleep, weird foods (delicious foods that are not usual for my daily intake), weird medication timing, not surprising.

I told Ron, this week, I intend to focus on catching up on my sleep and getting back into my usual routine.  Travel can be a big deal for me.  Last time I went to visit my sister, I was struck with a massive depression on my return.  I think some of that was the disruption of my schedule.

I believe change can be hard for my body and mind.  So, I plan to pamper myself a bit this week, just do the basics, work and home.  I had planned all that before the headaches.

Last night, I changed the litter boxes, today I fed the cats, that's about it.

Bubba-cat came and we had an awesome nap earlier.  I sure love my boy.

I felt a little guilty about this, but, like I told Ron "I have a severe medical condition.  It is OK to make accommodations to prevent complications."

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time.  I'm thrilled they wanted me there.  I just need to ensure I don't suffer needlessly, in the long run.

Thank you, TSA

You're probably gaping at your computer right now.  I mean it.

Monday, last week, the day I was due to leave, was crazy.  It culminated in me running around the house, wearing my jeans, looking for my bra, which I realized, to my horror, had been placed in the washer on "soak" cycle.  My good bra was packed.

So, I stood there, topless, begging God to please help me find a bra, because our ride is honking outside.  I found a grimy old bra I use for yard work - with an underwire.

The last time I flew, 3 years ago, security had a metal detector.  I was unsure what to expect.

I got to the airport, early, and much of it was the same as it had been 3 years ago.  Take off my shoes and jacket, place them in the bin.

However, the metal detector was gone, the scanner looked like something out of a sci-fi movie, and my medication gave me a roaring attack of the "stupids".  I could barely walk a straight line, much less figure out what was expected.

The TSA agents could not have been nicer.  I think I must have looked "Special" - they were all especially kind to me and went out of their way to patiently explain my requirements.  I got in the scanner.  I got scanned.  They had a poke at my money, to verify I hadn't hidden anything.

I went through and got my stuff back, all of it, and headed on through.

It wasn't just that, though.  Like I told Ron, TSA is the only thing keeping me from getting flown into a building.  I appreciate that.

If possible, I let every agent I met know I appreciated their service.  They were all completely shocked.

Now, that's sad.  "Thank You" should be an everyday fact of life for them.

I'm glad I have my backpack.

As I stood by the side of the dark and deserted road, at 1 AM, I experienced something.  Vindication.

Why?  After all, I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, in the dark, in the rain, with no immediate hope of rescue.

I had my backpack.

I also had my brother, who had multiple knives, a camping setup, flashlights, and the willingness and ability to fix the car and deal with any problems that might arise.

Even if I'd been alone, though, I would have been alright.  I had a flashlight.

Why is a flashlight such a big deal?  Well, when I have to pee in a ditch, in the middle of the night, by the side of the road, in Florida, I'd REALLY like to know there aren't any snakes or gators around!  Thanks to the flashlight, I could verify it was safe before starting my business.

I was also glad I'd brought my sneakers - it was nice to change out of my sandals before stepping out of the car.  I had matches if we needed to start a fire.

If I got hungry, I had beef sticks in my backpack.  I also had my prescriptions, headache, and allergy medicine.  I didn't need them, of course, but it was nice to know I had them.

So what it it took hours for rescue?  We had food to eat, bottled water, soda, and shelter in the car.  I had Bibles to give our rescuer (which I did).  I had a small amount of cash if we'd needed to purchase something.

I had my waterproof Bible, and the flashlight to read it.

Sometimes people give me a hard time about my backpack, but I was so glad I had it.  Vindication.  Now, if someone gives me a hard time, I can tell them:  When things hit the fan, I'm glad I have my backpack.  

Life as Mission Trip

Have you ever been on a mission trip?

I'll tell you about the ones I did, in the late 80's.  My parents paid the church, some amount of money, for my passage.

The church picked me and my luggage (one bag of clothes, a backpack, and a few toiletries), and took us on a road trip to the slums of Tijuana.  This was when it was safe to take American teens into "TJ".

We went to an orphanage in a slum, and engaged in physical labor, improving the orphanage, for a few days.  The thinking went along the lines of "They will know we are Christians by our love, and it will encourage them to get save".  We did no evangelizing.  We didn't even do Bible Study or prayer, except before meals.

I felt a little odd, but I always brought my trusty Bible.  I was the only one who did.  I don't believe the youth pastor even brought his Bible.  I never saw him reading it.

The conditions were "fairly" primitive.  We had a crude roof over our heads, no electricity, cold running water - hence, cold showers, and rodents in the dorm area.  I used to be fairly high strung, the other kids used to tease me by telling me they'd seen a rat, and I'd panic.

We ate our own food and supplied our own drink.  We were told consumption of the local fare would make us ill.  One year, I got a vicious migraine.  A boy I liked sat quietly near my sleeping bag as I retched miserably.

I will always love him for being so kind to me.

So, when they said "We're going on a mission trip" I knew what to expect: primitive conditions, hard physical labor, and limited food and sleep.  If I went on a mission trip today, I would also expect hostility from some of the locals (not saying that about Mexico, but anywhere "else").

You may wonder why I'm talking about this.  I was worried about a situation I would encounter last week.  I cannot share the details.

I prayed about it, and God told me "Treat it like a mission trip" - well, what I expected to find would certainly qualify as primitive.  Heavy labor?  Well, I had very little, actually.

OK, I could do that.  I was ready to go.

As I handed out Bibles, I had to grin at my worldview.  Happily, things at the other end were not as bad as expected.

I was pretty sleep deprived, and missed my God Time most days, but I still prayed for everyone and handed out Bibles to eager recipients whenever possible.  It's almost like they knew I'd traveled over 900 miles, just to give them a Bible.  I've never had such an easy time distributing!

That made everything worthwhile, not that it was at all bad to start.  Towards the end of the week, Ron decided to "try" whiskey.  He thinks he can handle it now.  Oh, boy.

Would I expect to encounter drunks on my mission trip?  Most likely.  I will leave him in God's hands and deal with any behavior as it arises.

Ron called me up, Thursday, very drunk.  He kept telling me he was sorry, and asking if I would forgive him.  He was progressively more remorseful and I was deeply alarmed.

"What?  Just tell me what's wrong".  I thought he had hurt the cat, or set the house on fire.

What's wrong?  We don't have any hot water.  What?  I forgot to pay the gas bill, and they cut it off (the cutoff notice came while I was gone, and Ron can't read the mail).

Life as a mission trip: cold showers expected.  I told him it was no big deal, especially when he said the guy would come out on Monday afternoon.  He did, and I have my hot water.

I was so tired anyway, I guess I needed the cold showers yesterday and this morning, but again, not as bad as expected.  It reminded me of a swimming pool, that moment when you decide to submerge yourself completely - the moment when I stepped under the shower head.

By the way, I really missed my garden tub when I was gone.

I plan to carry my new worldview into my entire life:  Life as mission trip.

Which reminds me, I need to order the scripture booklets for Halloween.

Another story:

Here's what my brother said on Facebook:

"Friday about 5:25 pm ....well I got within about 2 miles of me Niece’s wedding in Ponte Vedra Beach... I was by 895 Palm Valley road ....when a dark blue Nissan sports-car of some verities, pasted me too close, clipped me , & sent me on the shoulder in gravel.... ass over shoulder blades.... Bike not drivable, broke off shifter, bent handle bars, road rash on left side...(note to self can fix all of this once I get it home 207.9 miles away)....a person from Virginia (Thank you) stopped (the blue car did not) let me use his cell phone to call me Sister Susan (who's already at wedding) told her what happened ......five minutes later I flagged down an off duty St Johns Dep. (named Chris ,on his way to gym) who helped me, told me he'd call it in, not too worry he'd tell on duty Dep's not to "red tag" the bike that I was coming back to bike ... & gave me a ride to the wedding, so I wouldn't miss it! (THANK YOU Sergeant Chris !) Well ya should'a seen t

he looks I got pulling up to wedding in a Sheriff’s car getting out in my leathers caring my back-pack gear.... went up stairs, found a bath room, cleaned me self up changed close, & went outside to watch me Niece Sarah, get Married, let me tell ya it was beautiful ! later during the Reception; Susan let me use her cell phone & I called my adopted brother Chris P in Havana (I adopted him, we've been friends many years) , he drove all the way (___ miles & back) with a trailer on pick-up to bring me home... I Love my Friends! old & new! 

Well my Niece Pricilla & little Sister Heather drove me back to my bike after the Reception around 12:35 am; when we pulled up to it (my bike) at 895 Palm Valley rd.(an Episcopal Church drive way.)... her car died ..battery weak.....they sat there till I flaged down 2 nice fellows in a Mercedes SUV, sorry didn't get their names, they gave my Niece a jump, so they got on their way safely. I continued to wait for Chris at the bike, kind’a middle of nowhere but not far from somewhere... about 2:30 or so guessing no watch, a bear was thrashing around the woods across the street, I shined my light on him/her, it froze gave me that what are U doin' in my turf look,I made friends with da bear & it decided not to ingage w/ me.... an hour or so later Chris showed up w/ trailer, we loaded up me bike & went home...another ___ miles....got here at around 7:00am sat.....I love my Friends!"

So, there we are, by the side of the road.  Cole's got his bike.  He's happy, he was worried sick about her.  He built her himself.  

I felt bad leaving him out alone in the rain, to wait on his friend, but I know he can take care of himself.  We tried to find him an umbrella, but didn't.  The car was packed full of wedding things.  

Priscilla turned the key.  It won't start.  Cole says he can get it going, if we can find another car to jump us.  

It's very dark, a country road, and woods on either side.  I can hear something moving in the woods across the street - Cole's bear, I guess.  

To make things even better, it started to rain.  And I have to urinate.  I'm about to die.  I'm wearing my pretty blue flowered dress and sandals, in the wild country, next to a driveway for an Episcopal church.  Interestingly enough, my mother was Episcopal.  I put on my sneakers.   I felt very naked with exposed feet.  

When the rain stopped, I started singing "Get ready, 'cause here I come" and went outside.  I had Cole check the bank of the ditch, turn his back, and I emptied my bladder.  I kept envisioning something quick, nasty, and hungry making a bite for my privates.  I hurried.  

I have my backpack, I always do.  I was glad I had my flashlight (dead batteries, though), matches, and a lot of beef sticks.  We'll be OK, and I know Cole can handle anything that comes along.  

I prayed over the car, but no joy.  I prayed for God's will, if He didn't mind, to fix the car, because I always want to be in his will.  We try to flag a car or two, but they are very infrequent, going very fast, and don't want to stop for us.  

I want to be in God's will, even if it means being alone in the dark, on my birthday, by the side of the road in Ponte Vedro, Florida, with my eccentric brother, my wonderful, nice, a broken motorcycle, and a dead car.  

Finally, someone stopped.  My niece has seen me in action all week.  She looks at me, "Do it, Heather!" and I gave the Samaritan a Bible.  He took it.  He seemed touched, delighted, and eager, all at once, and I found it so apparent: This is why it happened.  So "John" could get his Bible.  

He only stopped because he had seen the broken down motorcycle earlier.  

Thank You for using me, Lord.  

I am operating on about 4 hours of sleep so I'm going to bed.  

Wedding bells week in review

This will be a long one.

Monday we went to work, I had all my luggage.  As I left the house with my luggage, all 4 bags, it rained.

As I unloaded the luggage, it rained.  It rained again after work, coming out to the car.

It was dry by the time I got to the airport.  The skycap commented on the Bible bag - very heavy.  I told him about the Handouts, and gave him a Bible along with a good tip.

I gave out Bibles at the airport - not to fellow travelers, that's against the rules.  I gave out what I would call a lot, but I only had about 40 or so to start.  That's all I could stuff in the bag.

I checked two bags, and carried my garment bag and backpack.  They took the garment bag at the gate, and I got it at my destination.  I was happy to get rid of it.

I had a good flight, gave one to my flight attendant.  She was happy to get it.  The other one said no.

On my next flight I got a "no" from God even before I realized the steward was gay.  We had a great time kidding and flirting.  I'm praying for him.

I landed, got my bags, and my niece showed up.  Priscilla is a wonderful lady.  If I had a kid, I would be really blessed if she turned out to be as sweet, loving, generous, creative, and sweet as Priscilla.

I was out of soda, so I got some as she filled up.  I also picked up a couple of souvenir coffee cups at the gas station.  I wish I'd gotten more.  They are really nice, but I only looked for one or two names.

We got to my sister's house, late.  I basically went straight to bed.

She has a really cute trailer.  I like the layout.  I could definitely live in a trailer like that, if the park were quiet.

Tuesday, my sister had to work.  I got up, did my God time, and did up the Bibles.  I wanted to to my usual corner handout.  It didn't work out; more rain!

However, after lunch, my niece dropped me at the mall.  I had a very different experience.  I was able to distribute maybe 10.

It is a very affluent mall.  I looked around, ate a chocolate chip cookie, and tried out a massage chair - the vending machine version.  It was nice.

I spent a lot of time in the candle shop, sniffing.  I got a rose for myself, and a jasmine for Sue (my sister).  Then she picked me up.

Her doctor wanted to meet me.  It was interesting.  I have a low self-esteem!  I know that, but she implied I should actually work on the issue.

Sue took me to dinner, it was good.  Then we did some chores.  She has arthritis, but I'm a good beast of burden.

Wednesday, I had a full migraine.  Curse that chocolate chip cookie, or the candles maybe.  She had to do a treatment for her condition anyway.    I felt pretty crappy by the time we hit the road, but I had my fake excedrin and my phenergan.  I took both and they did a good job of keeping me functional.

We got into town.  I knew I was staying in "a hotel".  I didn't know it was a Hilton!  Whoo!  It was with nicest hotel I've ever "done".

The sheets were lovely, microfiber.  The pillows were lovely and I loved the bedspread.

Things got even better at breakfast Thursday, with fluffy scrambled eggs and a belgian waffle for breakfast!   We did a little sightseeing in Saint Augustine.  It was very interesting and I got the last of my tourist gifts.

Ron loves the turtle, carved from a coconut shell.  I had a little trouble getting it into my bag but I managed.   Sue was not up for eating so I went to a nice little cafe and had a very affordable grilled cheese for lunch.

We went to the venue and did the rehearsal, and it rained.  It looked really grim for an outdoor wedding.  I liked the pastor.

Then we had the dinner.  I liked it.  I saw my brother in law and shared my appreciation.  He redeemed miles, not just to get my plane tickets, but for me to stay with my sister in the hotel.  I gave him a big hug and thanked him.  He told me a little about his computer work.   I told him about the handouts, which I continued to do during the week.  A small, personal, basis, as led by God.

After the dinner, I was beat.  We went to bed.  Friday, the day of the wedding, I was awakened by the clamor of multiple cell phones.  Another waffle, a scrambled egg, and some fruit.

I was having a hard time.  I felt very foggy and my hands were dumb.  I think it was just the result of sleep deprivation, more sugar, and a different schedule.  I was able to help with the preparations.

The groom made a point of thanking me personally, after the wedding, which I found very sweet.  He's a great guy.

His mom is a great lady.

After that, we went ran a few errands and everyone got their hair done at the salon.  I read a book.  I almost fell asleep waiting.

My sister put my hair in a bun, on the way to the venue.  I wore my blue flowered dress, which everyone likes.

We had the usual wedding excitement.  The cake was half an hour late.  It looked like it wanted to rain.  God came through and it didn't.

My brother called and told my sister he had wrecked his bike.  He calls himself "eccentric" and he's right.  I wouldn't call him a survivalist, but he can definitely survive in the wild.  He told me some interesting stories.  He showed up, in his riding leathers, right before the wedding.  I haven't seen him in 34 years.  I ran over and gave him a big hug, then claimed him as my "date".

It was a lovely ceremony.  I had a horrible tickle in my throat but I only coughed once, quietly, and then clamped down on that tickle, until it was over.

The reception was great.  I hung out with my brother, we talked, watched everyone having a good time, ate ourselves silly on delicious food.

As we left, my niece and I gave my brother a ride back to his wrecked bike, but that's another story!

Happy birthday. In a broken down car by the side of the road in the dark and the rain. I really need to pee and it is raining. Good news, with my brother, the one person I would want in this situation.

At the hair parlor. Bride looks great. Earlier, I met a retired army guy who told me his friend voted for O. I pretended to scold him and we all laughed. Very tired though.

Handing out Bibles every day. Always fun. Off to find cheap souveneirs, however you spell them.

Cell phone blog. Rained out, distributing at the mall. It's a lot harder than a regular handout. I'm just glad God can use me.

When we all get to Heaven

So I'm on a plane.  Thousands of feet in the air.  We hit turbulence, right as my music player starts "When we all get to heaven".  I had a hard time keeping back the giggles.

I am typing this on my kindle.

I love to fly, had a good trip, and hope to do a Bible Handout if it stops raining! God willstop it if He wants me distributing.

All my stuff got here ok.  I loved having my music and Kindle.  I was a little disappointed in myself.  I was a little impatient getting off the planes.  I kept covetiing the Diet Dr Pepper - I couldn't find one in the airport but a man had one.  Covet, covet.

I love Diet Dr's, but I can never find them when I travel!  Waah!

H ave a good one!  Off to eat breakfast and pill time, then shower.

I love you all.  ~ H

Lithium bladder action

Ron told me he was up most of the night.  He came and got a cuddle, reminded me of Bubba, a little.  He even laid down in Bubba's spot!

He left eventually, the inevitable lithium bladder action ran him off.  I'd rather pee every half hour, than be manic.  Ron got a little tired of moving.  I'm glad we have different bedrooms.

One thing I loved about the lithium from the start - it turned off the noise in my head.  I never knew my head was so noisy!

You know I have plenty of meds, if I get stuck in Florida for some reason.  I can always go to the super Walmart and get a refill.

I didn't see the kitten all night - good, I need to sleep.  I did, pretty well.  I will try to sleep on the plane, but it's doubtful.  I'll probably have a nice caffeine buzz until about 1 AM tomorrow, and crash.  It helps that my baseline, right now, is manic.

I was worried I'd cycle depressed on my visit - I still might, but at least today I'm OK, and I can't take tomorrow for granted any way.  None of us can.

When I got up, the kitten was lying on Ron's right shoulder, pressed up against his face.  Whatever you might think about Ron (and I know he can be emotionally abusive), he adores that kitten.  He was gently petting her, and told he he hadn't moved in hours.

Any man who gives a damn, because he hears a small, crying, desperate kitten - who wants to feed it and love it.  Who says "I want to pet it!"  - is a good man overall.

I think his history combined with the head injury can make him a real treat at times, but the other night Ron came and apologized to me.  I believe the Holy Spirit convicted him of his behavior.  I see that happening more in his life.

I think it will be good for him to miss me, to see everything I do in his life, and just to live without my attention.  Sure, we can talk on the phone, but it's not the same.

He's going to miss me.  I'm glad he has the kitten.

I guess I'd better come home

Whenever I fly by myself, Ron worries, a lot, about disaster.  Tonight he told my sister "If anything happens to Heather, I'm moving in with you!"

Well, I am certain that would be an all-around disaster.  I guess I'd better come home!

On a happier note, the cats seem to be adjusting; hanging out, nearby, without conflict.  That's a very good sign.  I thought it was funny - when I gave Bubba a can of something vile, the kitten slowly crept in, very submissive posture, and ate around the edges of the plate, on the other side.  I know a lot of long-term cats don't allow that!

Bubba did eat all the gravy.  He did that with Frosty, too.

I think he realizes she is just a dumb, energetic, baby.  They both slept in the bedroom today, Bubba on the bed, kitten on the floor.

I told Ron I'm sure Bubba will educate her while I'm gone.  Ron sleeps a lot during the day, so the cats can sort it out.

As for me, I'm packed.  I have over a months' worth of medication in my carry on bag.  Everything is packed properly, per TSA and airline regulations.  I have plenty of entertainment; my Bible, my Kindle, and plenty of Bibles to hand out if I'm led by the Holy Spirit.  Some tell me I can't do that at the airport, we'll see.

I'm not defiant, just practical.  I want to work inside the will of God.  I don't ever think I am doing any evangelism on my own.  Ha!  The minute I think that, I am worthless.

I'm always asking God to keep me useful, no matter what it takes.

So, I'm ready.  I have a lot of stuff going to work tomorrow, luggage and merchandise.  Ron needs me for the heavy lifting; so I want to get all the stuff he'll need into the fridge.  When he needs the merchandise, he can take it out, item by item, and put it in a box he carries in his lap, as he propels his wheelchair.

As for me, I'm pretty beat.

I will probably be posting from a computer; if not, I will do shorter email updates.

All I want for birthday...

It's my birthday, Saturday.  I will spend most of the day flying, on an airplane of course!  

What would I like for my birthday?  Bibles.  That's really it.  Which Bible?  Any, really.  As long as it's in good condition.  

I want to work with a very delicate touch as I write.  I find it really surprising; most of my Bibles come from people I've never met.  

I get some from my church (praise God!), the rest from internet friends.  When they feel led, they buy whatever they feel led to buy and have it shipped to my house.  

Closer to home - nothing.  I find that really interesting.  Ron pays the bills - I get that.  He is "strapped".  

My aunt has gotten me plenty of Bibles, including surprises I didn't expect.  Thank you!  She helped reach a lot of people.  

When my birthday or Christmas arrives, here's a box from the rest - it might have some tracts, which I love, and.... other stuff.  I want to tell them, you don't have to shop, just get me a case of Bibles.  Get me one, cheap, evangelism paperback Bible.  I'll love it/them.  

The great thing as regards clutter - I don't keep them.  They go right out into the hands of the recipients.  I'd rather do a handout, than just about anything else.  

I have really been licking my lips over these:  

I really like the ones with the tree:  http://www.biblicadirect.com/p-1569-niv-shirt-pocket-new-testaments.aspx

And, I'm running out of Spanish.  

I like this, in 12102 (the antique) http://www.biblicadirect.com/p-1541-nvi-paperback-new-testaments-spanish.aspx  (But honestly, I will take ANY Bible in readable condition)

Purple, or antique.  These are GREAT for Handouts because they are very light and compact.  It is really easy to stuff 75 or so into a side pocket of my handout bag.  http://www.biblicadirect.com/p-357-nvi-pocket-gospels-of-john-spanish.aspx

I can always, always, use these:  http://www.lifeway.com/Keyword/hboi?Sz=20&type=products&sort=pop  Invitations.  I have handed out thousands of these.  I would love a whole hand truck, if you win the lotto, please.  [grin]  

I answer to God.

I admit it.  I have hoarder tendencies.  My home is usually a mess.

I always thought it was 100% "my fault", but I gained an important insight tonight.  I have my areas of the house, and Ron has his.

Ron has always told me "I was completely tidy until I met you, but the house is so awful, who cares".  Variations of that.  Screaming at me, throwing me out in the middle of the night, raving, raving, screaming.

I could go on, but I don't believe in living a victimhood.  At any rate, his version of "helping" me as usually screaming at me, raving, and threatening to throw my work clothes in the dumpster - that kind of thing.  Not helpful at all.

I have tried to ask him for help, reasoning things out.  My big issues are 1.  Getting things when manic. 2.  Where do I put this?  and 3.  Hanging onto stuff I don't use.    4.  Getting rid of trash.

I have gotten very good at dealing with #1.  For instance, the last "good" mania I got a few selections of incense, which I keep in a shoe box.

I always need help with #2, but I've gotten better.  If it's involved in food prep, it should go in the kitchen.  Things I use rarely can go on a high cupboard shelf.  Medicated, probably my biggest issue "Where the heck do I put it?"  Figuring that out can be hard.  I recently figured out it was perfectly fine to put my skinny clothes in the garage, that maybe I didn't need size 12s in my closet if I'm currently a 20.

"Common" sense for most people, but my prefrontal lobes were damaged - so I need help.  I try to ask for help, and generally get the shouting from Ron.

#3, I had a hard time with it.  Today, for instance, I was cleaning out a cabinet.  I found some really vile herbal tea.  Yeah, it kind of helped, but I haven't made it in over a year.  Into the trash.

Which leads me to #4.  For instance, as I walked back into the room just now, I saw a ripped plastic bag on the floor.  The kitten had a good time.  It's trash, so I need to get rid of it.  I can do that on my medication, because I can finally think for the first time in my life.

Whenever I leave the house, for more than a day, Ron always goes nosing around in my stuff, "validating" what a horrible, messy, person I am.  I'm not sure what game is involved.  Maybe it has to do with the drinking - it's OK to drink, because she is messy.  If I were "perfect" he couldn't drink?  Well, of course I can't be perfect.  No one can.

Anyway, he will always accusingly say "Oh, I looked at YOUR counter and it was terrible, how can you do that..." make snide comments if I put something on "his" counter "No room on yours, huh?"

In short, he can be very ugly.  I always took it because I believed what he said, "I was very tidy until I met you".  However, a look in "his" man cave reveals a huge mess under his bed, his dresser drawers, and under his table.  He often calls me in to help him find something - yet the lightbulb never went off until tonight.

I was always very defensive, tearful, and desperate to please.  I wanted to be "better".

However, tonight - he woke up.  I said "I'm going to take out the trash".  He got an attitude, said "I told you I would take it out" - hours ago, and it was overflowing.  I had to pull it out of the can and tie it off.

"Not that one," I said, "The other one.  I cleaned off my counters, and cleaned out my cabinet".  He wanted to know if I "emptied my sink".  I said no, I had some (rinsed) dishes, but I'd get to it.  However, I had cleaned off the whole counter and the cabinet, did he want to see?

No, he was very rude and abrupt.  He drank something (forget if it was beer or wine), and said he needed to know where I kept the cat food.  I told him.  Where was the food bowl?  I told him.  He said he didn't want to reach under the kitchen table, and could we move it (guaranteed, he's going to kick it there, and knock it over, but I'll "let" him - I'll be gone and he will have to live with the mess).

He began complaining bitterly about current events, and I asked him why he watched the news.  He said he wanted to keep up.  "Why" I asked him "It only seems to make you angry and depressed."  He disputed that, said I was "wrong, again" and I said "Well, whenever you are angry and depressed, you are always talking about the news.  Why don't you cut it back?" (he watches for hours a day).  He was very quiet, and changed the subject to church.  He "hates" church.  He "hates having to worship God", etc.

I said, if you're going to be that ugly, then I can have (male friend) give me a ride from the house.  No, Ron insisted, he couldn't do that.  We would have an affair.

"Not every woman is a whore" I told him.  "I answer to God".   Ron was very skeptical.  With his history, I'm not surprised he projects.  He had sex with married women, best friends of women he dated, a wife of a man he considered a friend, etc.  So, to him, "Friends only" has no meaning.  "Won't cheat" has no value.

At any rate, he's getting into church.  I have to see that as a good thing, and view his griping as the price of admission.

I took out "my" bag of trash, and he said he wanted to look at something on the floor.  He found a box, what is this.  I did a quick check.  "This can all go out to the trash".  I took it out.

He found a bottle of tea in his sink.  I asked him to pour it out, so I could throw away the bottle.  He got the wrench.  As I came back in the house, he was rummaging around under the sink, producing bags of popcorn.  I asked if he wanted to continue "orienting" to the various cat food and water items.

No, he said.  He spent about 5 minutes breaking up the popcorn box, which was in a cabinet, and out of the way.  When I asked for help, he got distracted - so distracted he forgot everything else but 2 bags of unpopped popcorn and a small cardboard box.  Then he had to untie the trash he said he'd take out, and put the box in, then tie it up again just right.

In the meantime, I have cleaned the microwave, taken out the last bag of trash (can's full now) and wiped off the kitchen table.  That's when it hit me.  In his own way, Ron is just as cleaning impaired as me.  He gets distracted by the small picture and loses sight of the big one.

As of this moment, he has no idea about the wet cat food, cat food plates, or the identity of the TV dinners in the freezer.  It's all a big mystery.

I hope we both remember to do it tomorrow - I leave Monday afternoon.

Left Behind

After my last post, I went to Walmart.  On Saturday, around noon.  We had to go to the wholesale warehouse first thing, and then our WM ride was late.

Problem with that: I'm on a deadline to get outside for my ride.  If I'm not there, we are left behind.

However, on a Saturday, people want to linger over every item in the store.  The favorite thing is to get in front of me, I'm clearly rushing, and then slow to a crawl, staring in fascination at the display of toilet plungers or butt scratchers.  It's like they have to stop and examine each end cap for 2 or 3 minutes, before moving forward another couple feet.

Or the other one, tell me if you hate this too.  They park the cart in the middle of the aisle, so you can't get through.  Then they go off to the side to look at an item, I can't get by, and then they get an attitude if I touch the cart to move it.  Sometimes they leave the kid in the cart, and then I really can't go anywhere near the cart or they will freak.  If I say "Excuse me" and indicate I'm trying to get through, they get rude.  So I have to back up, turn around, and approach it from the other end.

I hate to shop when it's busy.  I want to go quickly if I need to go quickly,which simply cannot happen on the weekend.

Happily, I did get everything I needed, some decent razors, some nice lotion (my skin seems to be getting dryer, which is interesting).  I have always had very oily skin, but it seems like my limbs are getting dry while the face stays oily!

As Ron's old doctor would say "You're just getting old".  Ron had a horrible day.  He woke up with a lot of tingling and electric shocks in his bad foot.  Neuropathy.  He took a neurontin, all kinds of vitamins, and tylenol.  I worry about his liver.

Ron only had a couple of TV dinners.  I told him I wanted to get him some more, and he agreed.  But then he got stuck on the phone talking to Metrolift and couldn't tell me what he wanted.  However, he liked what I picked;  Meatball hot pockets, 2 Don Miguel Beef Enchilada dinners,  a Nighthawk steak and taters, and a Banquet Turkey dinner.

He was delighted with my selection, and after I finished getting "his" stuff, very worried the $20 he'd given me wouldn't suffice.  But I'd gone to Walmart.  He should be fine.  I was happy, I got all my stuff.

I had enough time to grab a hot lunch for us, from the deli, before I left.  They are very careful about food safety at "my" Walmart.   We went home and Ron fed chicken strips to the cats.

I ate, took my lithium, all 4 of them, and took a nap.  The little cat, whom Ron says is now "Little Girl", came and slept with me.  Being a smart girl, she went off to the side of the bed so I wouldn't squash her.  I slept pretty well.

I think I always sleep great when I have a cat in the bed.  When I visit my sister next week (she has 2 cats), I'll leave the door open so they can come and visit, if they'd like.

Saturday morning!

Last night I had a nightmare.  Ron was angry I refused to buy him alcohol.  He gets upset about this every now and then, and gets ugly.  The last time he refused to take me on a Bible Handout and threatened to cut off all my transportation, except work.  

However, last time I went on vacation by myself, he was very accommodating, understanding, and empathetic when I got back.  I believe, on many levels, he was afraid I wouldn't return.

I can hear you!  I can hear what you're thinking!  [grin]  "Yes, Heather, you should leave him!  Run like hell and don't look back!"

Well, I need my Bubba (the big black cat).  Last night, the kitten, trying to endear herself, got into my bed and tried to cuddle.

Poor cats.  I am a lousy bedmate.

As you know, Ron and I have separate bedrooms.  Many reasons for that.

I tend to toss and turn, rolling right over the poor cat, whoever it is, in my bed.  They learn to avoid me.  She tried, though, cuddling on my chest, my neck, and behind my knee.

I think she'll be a great cat as she gets older.  Right now she's a little hyper for me.  Ron loves to hear her play, to feel her play as he holds the end of something and wiggles it, feeling her tug and pull on the toy.

I prefer a large, lazy, lump, sleeping by my computer chair.  Bubba, sleeping on my pillow, next to my head, in bed.  That's my cat.  If I went looking, I'd adopt an older, black, cat.

However, marriage is compromise, she is certainly cute and sweet.  However, when Bubba gave her a smack, earlier, I put her in the bathroom and locked the door.  I then gave Bubba lots of petting and sweet talk, as I gave him some canned food.  He was very, very, happy, especially when the kitten started screaming.  I told Ron, Bubba deserves some one-on-one attention and a treat.  I will let her out when HE is done.

I did.  She was very happy to dispose of the leftovers.

Pretty soon, I am off to Walmart.  I need to get a good razor.  I am naturally pretty cheap, but the dollar store razors, all of them, are tearing up my legs, even with the shaving cream.  I guess the solution is buying more expensive razors.

I notice my skin has been a little dryer, too.

Keeping my mouth shut

Privacy and betrayal.  Potent subjects.

So, this is one issue I won't discuss.  I will just ask you, if you pray, to please ask God to guide me on what He wants me to do.

Boy, I have so much to say, but this is one night I'm keeping my mouth shut.

It's not related to Ron or my marriage.  (((hugs)))

A good hit of Tea Rose

To answer your question, Jillian, about the do-not-publish, I agree.

What's the thought for today?  Voting with my money.

For instance, some other Christian ladies and I were talking about perfume, and I was really shocked.  A lot of them like Victoria's secret.

Y'all know I like some cheap generic stuff I found online.  Today I wore "Orange Blossom".  I plan to take both the "Orange Blossom" and "Patchouli Lavender" when I travel next week.  I'll just tape the little roll-ons shut and stick them in my quart bag.

So, I don't have a personal axe to grind with any perfume company - I want to be clear on that.  In fact, as I type, it seems like most of the perfume companies use very seductive, visual ads to convince women to try their perfume.

Ron has allergies.  I can wear something off and on for years, and suddenly it provokes a huge allergy attack.  He thinks my "Tea Rose" smells like "Old Ladies" so I only wear it when I'm mad at him or I'm just really craving a good hit of Tea Rose.

Case in point - I wanted to watch a gospel rap video by KB.  You Tube ran an ad first, a woman, with breasts mostly exposed, spraying cologne into her cleavage.

I just think - if I'm buying that, I'm endorsing the porno ads.  That's not something I want to do.

I am very sensitive to porn.  I have known many men with horrible addictions.  I know one young man ran an accountability thread - he was just a teen - this was almost a decade ago, and he was inundated.  He is now with Jesus.  He had a medical condition.  If a visual image like that is going to cause a problem to my brothers in Christ, I feel I shouldn't support it or endorse it.

Now, does that mean I care how you spend your money?  No.  It's your money, you earned it.  I know a fair percentage of you are unreached.

I would be interested to get opinions: unreached (unsaved, agnostic, whatever) men: do you have a problem with the pornographic ads today?  Or is it just a Christian man thing?  I've never had a frank discussion.

If someone bought me a bottle of perfume,  and I liked it, I would wear it.  Even if I didn't like it I would probably wear it around them.  Ron bought me a perfume or two I wasn't wild over, but I did wear them.

The problem I always had with Ron, and perfume - other women.  He had so many "friends" before me, he associated many popular fragrances.  Jean Nate?  Sung?  Charlie?  Chanel #5?  He had a woman for them all.

I had to find something off the shelf, so to speak.  Something I liked, he liked, and his allergies tolerated.  No one else has ever complimented my perfume, but they haven't complained, either.

Trust me, if I was too strong, Ron would let me know.  His "filter's broke" - anything he thinks comes right out his mouth these days.

And knowing that, guess what?  We have to attend a manager conference next month and socialize with all the other vendors.  God help us all.  It's mandatory.

A pretty good trade

Well, the current events are rather frustrating for me.

Now, I have to say a good portion of my "ministry" is witnessing to, and sharing Bibles, with muslims. I can't be a hater or God will have to send someone else.  I ask Him to put His love in my heart, and He does.

I hate getting political; but I just wish some people would realize, when America gives you billions of dollars, props up your government, it's a good idea not to bite the hand feeding you.  Libya, too.

Does anyone else find it interesting, that "the religion of peace" - how they portray themselves, loving, peaceful family values.  Until they get "offended" and then they are really rabid animals devouring all in their path.

Remember the female reporter raped last year in Egypt?  They kept shouting "Jew" as they took turns with her - and the media said nothing about it.  She was "attacked".  She was wearing the "getup" and all but they decided they wanted some "fun".

However, if it had been a Christian gang (not possible if they are true Christians) it would have been in the media for ages.

Guys, this is a doctrine of demons.  No more, no less.  I have read some about this, "Kingdom of the Cults" and "Islam Revealed".  Do you know their prophet had relations with one "wife" when she was 10?  How is that ever acceptable?

This is after I had 2 God Times and slept on it.  You can imagine what I would have written yesterday - I think that's why God allowed my modem to act up.  [laugh]  He will do that on occasion.

I go to post and POOF "Website cannot be found, because you are not connected to the internet".

So, what do I want for the Middle East?  Jesus.   A huge revival, with millions seeking Him.  I want them to trade in their demons for the bread of life - the Lord of Lords, the God of the Universe.

Also the nice thing about being a Christian: no immorality - no sex out of marriage.  Treat each other with love.  No "pillars" - no dedicated prayer time, hand washing, and special chants.  No "journey" to the holy city.  No fasting, unless you choose to do so as you seek God's will on something (I did that last year, no diet soda for a day).  No mandatory tithe (and if your church insists on that you might want to start looking).

They get to experience God in a real and amazing way.  A God who loves them and died for them.  A God who wants them to know Him in a real and personal way.  A God who assures their entrance into heaven, with a simple prayer.

It's pretty simple.  Of course, God doesn't want rioting, pillaging, and raping, either.  So they'll have to give that up, but I think it's a pretty good trade.

Testimony, if you haven't heard it.

I can't remember if I've done a "testimony" blog, so I thought I'd do one.

As you know, my mother drank a lot, every day, while she was carrying me.  She damaged my brain.  She was also bipolar and had a lot of high-drama.

She had lost my brother a few years before; he died of the Bubble Boy disease.  I am most likely a carrier, which is why I married a sterile man (Ron had the operation).

So, there I am, lying in my crib, massively neglected - that's my first memory.  I also have a few positive memories of my first cat.

My mother couldn't care for herself, or me.  Long story short, child protective services got involved, my mother lost custody, and moved out.  So did my sister, who was basically my "real" mom at that point.  I even lost my cat.

I was 3.  So, there I am, just me and my Dad.  We had a couple good years there.  He remarried when I was 5.

The other kids didn't like me.  I was different.  I was bullied at school.  I had a hard time learning verbally.

However, once I learned to read I could learn anything.

At age 7, I was next to my Dad in church.  I must have been pretty restless, because he turned to me and handed me the "Good News Bible" they kept in the pew.  "Read this" he said.  I did.

I got saved a year later.  I had fallen in love with God, completely.

I read my Bible frequently, carried it around, and was furious when someone stole the little Gideon Bible I got at school one day.

One of the most traumatic events of my teenage years - one of the other family members stole my Bible and started ripping it up.  I managed to "save" it.

I had a lot of anger because my life was completely unfair.  By this time, I was exhibiting both manias and depressions, but my therapist couldn't see it.

I met Ron at age 17, and ran off with him the day after I turned 18.  I thought we'd marry.  He thought differently.

"Go home if you want" he used to threaten me.  "Do you want me to call them to pick you up?"  I would have done just about anything to prevent that.  So, I threw my morals aside and lived in sin for years.

I still read my Bible, and every time I did I was convicted of my sin.  I used to worry about the Rapture, and getting left behind.

Ron got the business, and was very demanding.  I had to be everything.  I almost had a nervous breakdown.

I kept wanting to leave Ron, but kept getting a "no" from God.  I didn't get it.  We weren't married.  Why should I stay?

One night I had a dream, and took this all to God.  He said, soon, all my fondest dreams would come true (I always wanted a little house, and dreamed of it).  "Even marrying Ron?"  "Especially marrying Ron - he will DEMAND it."  Ha, that would be the day, Ron and I had huge fights if I even mentioned marriage.  I "put it on the shelf" and went on with my life.

Then, he got run over.  I took my Bible to the waiting room and asked God for a sign.  I got it.  Psalm 72.  About a week later, I literally went down on my knees and repented of my sin.  I suffered so much because Ron and I weren't married, and I understood: that's why God had said no, to spare me this pain.

I was all set to tell Ron he had to marry me, or else, but when he found out what his family did to me he demanded we marry.  I had flashbacks to my dream.  Sure enough, he was demanding it.

In the meantime, I was sitting in ICU with my Bible.  I had a Bible.  I looked around, all the other families were hurting just as much as me.  But they didn't have a Bible.  It ate at me.

During one mania (remember, undiagnosed), I had bought several paperback Bibles.  So, I brought them in when everyone was at lunch, and put them on the end tables.  Then I went to lunch.

When I came back, everyone was literally feasting on the Word.  It was awesome.  They kept saying, what a great idea, I'm getting so much comfort, etc.  One lady basically told me she knew it was me, and wondered if she could keep her Bible.  I said "I'm sure that was the idea".

I did occasional Bible handouts, individually, over the years.  I'd share my testimony, or Ron his, and someone would be so intrigued by our God they wanted to meet Him, I'd hand over my Bible, and then I'd need another one.

I finally got smart and started getting spares, handing them out when led.  However, I was still "sick".  My depressions were getting worse, and I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder September 1, 2006.  I got medication.  Oh, I was so happy to meet my medication.

As I got better, God had me doing more and more for Him.  Pretty soon, He put it in my head to do Bible Handouts.  First Bible Handout

I did, got hooked, and will go wherever He sends me.

It's probably important to mention, in 2009, I started doing serious Bible Study and prayer for everyone,  on a daily basis - that's when God really ramped up the evangelism.  I'm sure they're connected.

The harvest is almost in

I read this in tonight's devotional; and it helped answer some questions for me.

John 9:4
I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work.

You may remember, I have mentioned a few more times: one more handout.  I think the handouts may be coming to an end.

Every evangelical Christian thinks the rapture is imminent, I agree.  I'm beginning to think that most of the people who can be reached, have been.

My last 2 Bible Handouts, I saw a lot of overt hostility towards God.  It was apparent they didn't care about me, but they had some major issues with Him.  

I feel like I'm seeing more and more of this on every handout - people who completely reject God.  In my early handouts, it felt more like they were rejecting me.  "Get away from my car, you wierdo".  "Go get a job and stop begging" - kind of energy.

Now it's OH, HIM!  It's like I'm trying to offer violent porn to a rape victim.  They are furious.

Now, I'll reiterate.  No one is unkind to me.  They just reject the Bible with a very forceful attitude.

I find it sad, but it's becoming more common.

I guess maybe the harvest is almost in.

I forgot the sign??

I need to tell a little backstory.

Last Saturday, I did the "ghetto" handout.  Now, I figure the most important thing is for God to keep me useful, which also means humble.  I specifically ask God for this every day, and especially, repeatedly, after the Handouts.

So, Sunday morning, "Bible Lady" couldn't find my husband's braille Bible for over 15 minutes.  :pound  That sure works on the humility!

Today, I got all the way to the handout.  I had my vest.  I had my hat.  I had the Bibles, and my tote bag.

As we approached the corner, I realized "I don't have the sign".  AGH.

I thought some bad words, repented, and then said "God, I know you are using this to build humility.  If it's Your will, please help me to have a good handout in spite of the lack of a sign!"

I think the worst part of the whole experience, Ron's "helpful" suggestions and demands I go "make a new sign".  I finally told him God was using this to build humility in me, and the God of the Universe could still bring recipients.

And he did.

I got the whole bus stop, waiting.  Everyone.  I told them what became my stock phrase: "HI, I'm doing a Free Bible Handout today.  I would love to give you a free Bible."  They all said OK.  Some of them were reading the tracts as they waited for the bus (I could see them as I worked).

I got a LOT more hostility.  The sign apparently provides a lot of protection.  A woman walking along waving Bibles and mouthing "Free!" is highly suspect.  A woman with a huge Free Bibles sign is entertaining.

I got a few people in nice cars, but quite a few of the people were coming out of the fried chicken place.  The chicken place has a special every Tuesday (2 for $1), and they are always packed.  I was happy to see my idea had worked.  Quite a few recipients had a box of chicken in their lap!

Since it was a nice day, a lot of people had windows down, so I could talk to them.  Most of the recipients were clearly very poor, driving decrepit vehicles, and very interested in Free Bibles.

Normally I do about 1 a minute, on an average handout.  Today, I moved 34 in 30 minutes.

So, like I told Ron, God still sent the recipients in spite of my "failure" to bring the sign.    He's the boss, after all.

I'm glad it worked out.

Please pray for the recipients.

A cat on my shoulder

You know what you need?   You need a picture of a cat on my shoulder.

I'm not touching her at all, my hands were working the computer.

She likes to "help" on the computer.  We have her in today, they are doing construction.

I'm getting ready for the Bible handout.  First Bible went to a Muslim, who was happy to get it.  Second was rejected by the recipient.  Sad.

I'm praying for her anyway.

Now, off to do my handout.  I can't think of a better way to honor those who died.

Random questions

Some random thoughts I've had recently:

Today at work: which came first, the chicken salad, or the egg salad?

Why do the Christian dating websites put up ads on my Facebook, when my status is "married"?

Why do we only trust God when are lives are in the trash can?  Why don't we trust Him when things are good?

Why do I get so freaked out when things are going well?

Why do I have to go to a seminar on how to stock and repair vending machines, when that's all I've done for the last 11 and half years?

Where is my royalty check?  It should be coming any day, and boy we can use it.

Why does my flood insurance have so much better coverage (lower deductible, higher coverage rates) than my homeowner's?   For the same rate?

Would Ron and I ever be happy living in an apartment?  Would it really be cheaper and less stressful, or does God want us here in our home?

Why did Bubba hate the two black kittens, but loves the brown tabby?  Is he a racist?  Black-on-black hatred?  Or was the tabby more submissive?

Why did God send another cat into my life - and why send her to Ron?  Ron's the one who wanted to keep her, but I'm onboard now that she gets along with Bubba.  She has a cute purr, too.

Will I get twice as many things coming in the cat door, now that I have two cats?  More dead things and live trophies?

Would I stick around during the Tribulation if it meant I could do more Bible Handouts?  Probably.

How many recipients are actually reading their Bibles?   Well, that's up to God.

Why do people hate Gospel Metal?  I can understand hating the Gospel Rap, but heavy metal praising Jesus is a good thing.

Were people always bipolar, from the beginning of time, or did it evolve later?  I know about 1 in every 100 humans, regardless of location, have it.

What did people do in the old days, when they had hallucinations?  Just say "Not there, not there" like the guy in the movie "Rose Red"?  Or go along for the ride?

That's it for tonight.  The lithium is kicking in and my typing is deteriorating.

Caught on camera

I was worried about the kitten.

Bubba's got a good thing going, at home.  He has a nice routine, a quiet life, and adventures hunting in the yard, at night.  The last time a kitten came in the house, it peed everywhere and pestered Bubba to death.  He finally ran it off.

So, when Ron found the kitten, I was a little upset.  Yeah, she's cute, but hey, let's look after our boy.  Look what happened last time.

I had my heart padlocked.  No way will this work.  However, Ron begged, so I told him "If she doesn't bother Bubba, if he likes her, then she can stay".  I figured Bubba would run the kitten off in a few days, or she'd annoy Bubba.

However, I did notice some positive signs.  When she "met" Bubba, she greeted him with very submissive body posture, making small, desperate meows.  Bubba wasn't hissing or growling at her; his posture was alert.

As time passed, she's become very comfortable with Bubba.  They share meals - Bubba eats first, the kitten can, too, if she can find a corner of the plate.  His posture was always alert and friendly, his ears up, his whiskers interested.  Last night, when she got a little wild running around near him, he cuffed her, gently.

However, tonight I got my proof.  Someone's little dog got out, ate the cat food I had on the porch, and treed the cats.  I got some cute photos, but this is my favorite.

I guess she's staying.

Daily drama

The hives are better.  If I get on them immediately with Benadryl and Steroid Cream they abate pretty quickly.  

Ron is having a bad day.  First, he was told he has to attend a mandatory conference in Austin.  At a hotel costing $100 a night; for 2 nights.  

He has to attend.  No choice.  We have to attend.  The seminar is "back to basics" and they talk about "How to maintain and repair a vending machine".  [rolleyes]  We have a very low repair bill, because I can usually figure it out (that, and I pray over and for the vending machines).  

So, they want to teach us how to brush our hair, so to speak.  We have to attend.  

Ron doesn't like other people telling him what to do.  He doesn't like being "forced" into doing anything he doesn't want to do.  

I got to hear ALL about it, for hours on end.  Funny.   Ron doesn't want me to even mention how that thug stuck a gun in my face, I have talked about it for maybe 4 minutes, if I talk about it again for 30 seconds he shouts at me to stop.  But I get to listen to him going on for hours, and if I say anything I'm a bad guy?  

Ironic.  I'm not angry or bitter, just a little fatigued.  We had a little trouble with our pickup and my phone wouldn't work - I finally fixed it by taking out the battery for a while.  

Thank God the depression hasn't hit yet.  [shudder]  My read-through-the Bible program has me doing Job right now - the last time I read through that I had a horrible depression and it just made it worse!  I hated opening up my Bible every day!  That's not me!  

Thank God I read a couple of different Bible things, I have a Chronological Bible, a Daily Bible, Daily Light from the Bible (collections of assorted Bible verses on a theme, a really nice way to get started reading your Bible daily), etc.  You get the idea.  So, the Daily Bible is in Job.  The Chronological Bible did Job a few months back.  

I also have 2 secular devotionals, one from Al-anon, and one on mental health.  Then I have 2 regular devotionals, and one more collection of Bible verses for the day.  I really enjoy it all, but when I'm doing Job I can't wait to get to the other books.  

So, after work, we went to the bank and made a small deposit, and came home.  I took my nap.  

Ron was pretty frustrated.  When I got up, we plugged in the computer.  

Ron was pretty cranky, we had to file the monthly report.  I let in the kitten and asked Ron to keep her busy.  He did so.  

Then, all kinds of drama because they changed the form.  [Shudder]  

I'm glad that's all over.  

I have a handout planned for tomorrow, so I need to go do that.  

One more handout!

Good news: the new cat is working out VERY well.  She and Bubba are good friends, playing nicely, greeting each other, and sharing their food.  It warms my heart, even when my fickle Bubba comes dragging home at 6 AM to crash into bed (he was still in bed when I got home, from church, at 2).   Ron didn't see him last night, either.  

Not so good: hives today.  Ah, retro persecution- like when I had the hives back in 2009.  Happily, I have my doctor's wonderful class 3 steroid cream and my benadryl.

I'm guessing it was wheat.  I had a sandwich for lunch - so no wheat until I'm off to Florida, AND you can bet I'm taking my steroid cream.

We had a good time at church, Ron even sang a little.  They talked some about the rapture before the sermon, and I kept thinking "One more handout, Lord!"  Every other Christian I know is screaming to go, and I'm asking for another handout!  I have to laugh at myself, especially when my computer began playing "Paradise City" during the last sentence.

"Won't you please take me home?"

One thing I love about my church - they are very supportive of the Handouts.  It is nice to go somewhere, and have people understand my calling.  I am called to this.  God put it into me when He made me.  They get that.

I am always happy to have people pray for the recipients and the unreached!  That may be you, may not, but I'm praying good things for you.

Ron told me once I should clarify, because some might think I am praying "Lord please smite this sinner, and may Your hellfires burn if he rejects you."  No way.  I pray for good communication (in all relationships, who doesn't need that?), a hunger for God's truth, a desire to read the Bible, guidance to the proper passages, etc.  I think it's really important to have a nice, long, list.

Most people are covered under multiple categories on my prayer list.  Someone may be a government employee, and also unreached.  They get both.  Someone may be a leader or administrator, and a "bad guy" - so they get covered under both.   Someone may be a missionary, and persecuted, you get the idea.

I also have some general requests for everyone worldwide.  You know what I like?  90% of this post is positive, even though I want to claw the skin off one arm and thigh.  That's a good thing.

I hope you had a good weekend!  I'll be praying for you!

Ghetto Handout

So, there I was; standing on a really bad corner, in a notorious part of town.  I'm holding my Free Bibles sign and my tote bag full of Bibles.  Ron's sitting near me in his wheelchair, on the median.  I'm wearing a plain white T-shirt, baggy capris, cheap sneakers, my safety vest, and a safety orange ball cap.  Ron is wearing his usual t-shirt and knit cotton shorts.

As I smile and wave at passing cars, one passes me and comes to a stop, abruptly.  Two large black men get out.  They are dressed in "thug" apparel, one has a gold chain, and they're coming my way.  They are scowling.

I wave at them and reach into my bag as they approach.  "How many would you like?"

The bigger guy looks at me as I grin.  "One".  I tried to give the other guy one, but apparently they're roommates.

That, friends, was my handout.  On the outside, very scary.  I saw people who were high, people in gangs.  I saw people with "teardrop" killer tattoos (a teardrop "tat" indicates they have murdered someone), but it didn't matter.  God loves them all, and He put His love into my heart.

Oh, I got so many gangsters.  It was lovely.  Some of them rolled down a window, deadpan, and stuck out a hand.  Some of them had a window down, and reached out to take a Bible I had offered.

One man took one, then realized it was a "nice" whole Bible.  He asked for another as the light changed.  I quickly got him.

About half an hour later, he parked at the gas station across the street, and waved at me.  I ran over to him, and he gave me an ICY cold bottle of water, and a Gatorade.  What a lovely, sweet, man, but if I'd gone on the outer appearance I would have crossed the street to avoid him.

I had a couple of people who saw my sign, drove around behind me, stopped, blocking traffic, and laid on the horn until I ran over and supplied them.  Everyone waiting at the bus stop wanted a Bible, and we were there for 90 minutes.  I even had a bus stop, she opened her window, and waved me over.

The bus driver stopped driving her route, so I could give her a Bible.  I also gave away several, riding the bus, to get there.

I had some really nice people who smiled, honked cheerfully, and waved when they saw what I was doing.  That was awesome, I can always use a little encouragement.

Things were really slow to start.  I had about 30 whole Bibles,  30 New Testaments, and 30 Spanish.  I thought I was being generous with the Spanish.  Boy, was I wrong.

At any rate, I was giving away one Bible every 5 minutes or so.  I told Ron "I'll just do the Big Ones, and then we can go home."  Pretty soon, though, it picked up.

One guy looked scary, but I had a feeling he was in a lot of emotional pain.  I walked over and offered him a Bible, and he took it quietly.  I'll be sending up some extra prayers for him - I got the feeling he was really hurting.

I think some people drove past, thought about it, and came back.  Hey, if they wanted one they got one.   The Spanish were very slow to move at first, and some of them seemed pretty hostile to the Gospel.  I mentioned it to Ron - and God, having a sense of humor, sent so many EAGER Spanish recipients I was wiped out in 10 minutes.  I hate having to tell someone I'm out of Spanish.  I'll bring more, next time.

One guy was somewhat reluctant, in a car with his girlfriend.  He was clearly waffling.  She was maybe interested.  He shook his head at me.  I pretended to cry, and they took them!  [laugh]  I am shameless.

I only did it the once.  I think a lot of recipients were surprised that someone like me, came to them, in a really horrible area, and wanted to share her faith.  The fact that I was there, making a humiliating spectacle of myself, and wanted to give THEM a nice looking Bible, convinced them to take it.

I'm glad God sent me.  I will absolutely go back.

I felt far safer there, than I did at the "nicer" apartment complex, not far from my home, where a guy pointed a gun at me, today.

At the very end, I told Ron "I have 4 Bibles left and I'm really tired.  Maybe I can give them away at the BBQ place".

"Give it a minute" he said.  "They'll come".  Sure enough, not a minute later a grandmother stopped and asked for 4 Bibles for each of her grandkids.

I had one Bible left, a nicer one.  After we ate, delicious barbecue, we rode home.  The bus driver was shocked I had done a Bible Handout, on a "really bad corner" in the ghetto.  I told him I'd share my faith wherever God sent me.  I asked if he'd like the last Bible and he said yes, so I gave it to him.

If I had time, I also told all the recipients I'd be praying for them daily.  If you pray, please pray for them too!