Second-guessing

My illness comes with a lot of second-guessing and inquiry. Something about my Fetal Alcohol Syndrome affects my "thermostat". I really have to ASK myself, "Am I hot?" I just realized, I felt very warm just now, and took off my heavy bathrobe. I feel a thousand times better, but I didn't have an overwhelming sense of heat, just a gradual discomfort that worsened.

Sometimes I think my moods can be a lot like that. I have managed this mania fairly well. I've been pretty talkative, but I'm able to shut up. Minimal eye-rolling from Ron. I feel very kindly.

Over the last few days, I have noticed an overwhelming fatigue. All I want to do is sleep! I'm beginning to wonder if I'm starting to cycle depressed.

I've had a great, mild, monthlong mania. I used to only go 2 weeks, and more intense. I like the newer one, it's a lot smoother for everyone. I'm not wound up and I don't have a flock of thoughts flapping around in my head. I'm not hostile, paranoid, or delusional.

I'm about due for a depression. I don't like them, I hate them pretty intensely. They suck all my joy out of life. One of my devotionals basically said "Well, then, that makes you appreciate the good times that much more!" Yeah, but I don't LIKE it.

So, I'll be watching my mood. If I start noticing the lack of interest - just what it sounds like - nothing is fun anymore, then I'll have to jump on that depression and drag out the things I love list. I'll make myself go out and do things, even feeling like crap. I usually have a good time anyway.

I'm glad I am already committed to donating platelets and plasma on Wednesday; I wouldn't skip that unless I got ill. Besides, the poor man was literally BEGGING.

I also have the evangelism to keep me busy. I plan to order some more tracts today and get another case of Bibles after I get paid.