Sunday, May 23, 2010

Feeling unreal

Today, I'm pretty strongly affected by my medication. I woke up feeling exhausted; got horribly sick-feeling for about 5 minutes after taking my medication, got to a nice baseline mood, and then crashed. Right now I'm feeling unreal - it's called "Depersonalization Disorder". I feel like "Me" is completely disconnected from my body. I can make my body work, but I feel like they aren't my experiences.

My ears are ringing off and on, so I know I'm at a good lithium level. I feel like reality is denser than normal, it's harder to move and think. I'm not up or down, which is good. All I want to do is go to bed and sleep.

I will try to take a nap, and hopefully that will help. I will remind myself of the torment of demons in my head and the ghastly life-sucking depressions. I will remind myself how people used to turn around and leave the room when they saw me coming.

Ron is pestering me to do things, but I told him no. I'm just not up for it now.

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