Lemonade

A very fine lady once paid me a wonderful compliment. She told me that I had "Made a refreshing jug of lemonade from every lemon that life pitched my way." I don't think I've ever gotten a finer compliment.

My dear friend is now living with Jesus, she probably has Frosty in her lap. She would have been proud of me today.

First, let me talk about overloads. My adoptive Mom figured out very quickly that normal, "fun", things were hell for me. Here's an excellent description of what an "overload" is like for me:
{Source: http://www.southflorida.com/sfparenting/sfe-sfp-autism,0,6196233.story}

This means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a "simple" trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today's special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can't filter all the input and I'm in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn't showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they're mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia….I can't sort it all out. I am dangerously nauseated.

Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing -- the space seems to be constantly changing. There's glare from windows, too many items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with "tunnel vision"), moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive senses, and now I can't even tell where my body is in space.

Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. It his means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself.

What an excellent, excellent description! That is so true for me. I am social enough that I don't qualify as "autistic", but I do have the related "damage".

My idea, of hell, most days, is going to Walmart on the weekend. For some unknown reason, our inventory of 4 rolls toilet paper seemed dangerously inadequate, and I found myself telling Ron I wanted to go to Walmart today.

First of all, we went to Sam's Club. I had the bright idea last night, to bag up some "Only Hot Mexican" candy. Truly, the candy Hecho en Mexico (is made in Mexico), and it's very hot. I had gotten some various brands at the Dollar store. They had a tremendous selection and the prices were excellent. I bagged it up with a how-to-get-born-again tract, and a Scripture booklet from World Missionary Press.

I handed out the candy to all Latino-appearing people. Eyes lit up like I'd given them a $20 bill as they asked "For me?" Good call, Lord! I was glad I had brought so many bags. Awesome! I love that God CAN use me.

So, Sam's Club. The new Kit Kat (office workers buying them out of vending machines) commercial has created a huge demand for the candy. I cannot keep them stocked. Thank you, Kit Kat advertising budget. I got candy bars and a box of peanuts, on my own money, for driver candy.

When I went to pay the money seemed unusually thick. When I did my budget, I had everything apportioned. Approximately $60 left for this week's budget. So why, I determined in the bathroom, did I have $160? WHAT?

I spent hours figuratively scratching my head and re-figuring my budget, before I decided "God gave me my lost money back". I offered some to Ron, he said no. I told Ron I had promised God $40 if I got my money back, and I wasn't sure how to spend it. "Why not buy a case of Bibles?"

Good idea. By now, we were sitting at Taco Bell, after work, and I was eating the insides out of some soft tacos. The vending machines were stocked.

Then, Walmart. On a payday weekend. Everyone with a disability check has it burning a hole in their pocket.

No Kiddie cart for Ron! I left him sitting on a bench sitting next to a guy who looked remarkably like Thug Boy - the kid who mugged me. [snort]

[Shudder] It was AWFUL. Horribly crowded and everything that article said. Ugh. Then I forgot Ron's popcorn and I had to GO BACK. I finally made it through the checkout line.

Now I faced a huge line at my bank. I ended up handing out Bibles while I was in line, then gave more to the tellers. Making lemonade. I made the deposit and escaped.

Ron called a subsidized cab to go home. Thank God. Well worth the few dollars we spent.

All I "have" to do tonight is give Mom and Dad a call. Tomorrow, a trip to Starbucks - a nice day off. I could have had today off but we were out of some backbone candy products. And the Kit Kats.