On hoarding

I will need to go to bed soon so I'll keep this short.

I watched an episode of "Hoarders" recently. I found it telling.

I have pretty strong hoarding tendencies. Part of it is environmental, I feel. I lost 2/3 of my family when I was 3. I had a very unstable early childhood, no real privacy as a teen, etc. One of my only defenses against "home invasions" as a teen was the clutter. "They" had a much harder time finding whatever it was they were after, if I had crap all over the place.

Then of course you have the actual physical differences. Because of my FAS, I have a terrible time with categorizing and organizing things. I have brain damage and I really feel it in those regards. Picking up an item, say the concordance by my foot. Is it a book or is it a Bible thing? Where would it go?

With a lot of determination and practice, I can say "It goes on the red bookcase in my computer room" because I have a Bible bookcase. Bibles for donation either reside in a corner of this room, or on my bookcase in the living room. My tracts, scripture booklets, and Driver Candy all go in a corner of the living room/bookcase.

I generally have a bag of trash and a donate bag going at the same time. I pick up when I think about it, not very often. Most times, I would be OK with someone coming into my home. Today, for instance. 98% of my books were on the bookcase. Trash was all in the trash bag. Yes, I had dirty dishes in the sink but they didn't have an odor (the answer is yes, things have gotten that bad on occasion).

When I'm manic, I have trouble focusing on tasks. When I'm depressed, I have no desire or motivation.

For me, the hardest part was getting into the habit of classifying things. "This is a washcloth" and then going to the "So it goes on the rack, on the bookcase I have in the bathroom." I had to get into the habit of giving it a category, and then finding a place for that category. I have a bookcase in pretty much every room of the house, except my bedroom and Ron's room. All common areas have a bookcase. In the bathroom, it holds extra towels, washcloths, toilet paper, and the usual bathroom accoutrements. I have all my cleaning supplies in a large bucket next to the toilet.

In my bedroom, I'd say the biggest problem area would be bedding. If one were to scroll back to October 2007 blog entries, you'd know I have a block under my bedframe, propping it up. You'd know WHY. That "fix" costs me several square feet of storage - if I had a new bedframe I would definitely have my bedding in under-bed boxes. I don't want to seem spiteful or vengeful, so I make do. Unless I'm thinking about organization and my bedroom, I don't mind at all.

I have a yarn problem. I have boxes of the stuff out in the garage. Today, I actually threw away some leftovers and unwanted yarn. Really, Salvation Army does not want the stuff. I need to go through and save one kitchen garbage bag (13 gallons) worth of the stuff, and eliminate the rest. I also need to round up all the knit/crochet/craft stuff, figure out a place, and store it. Where do I put embroidery scissors? And my crochet hooks? I don't know, yet.

I also have a hard time, occasionally, with recognizing trash as such and getting rid of it. I don't need old junk mail sitting around! Ron helped me develop a "can bag, bottle bag" system where I can toss my empty aluminum cans, and empty plastic soda bottles. Sadly, we don't have recycling here; but I do have a guy who comes by and is happy to take the cans. We leave them on the porch.

I do my best, adding new categories and trying to ruthlessly prune out the unwanted stuff. Asking constantly, "Do I really want this?"

Hopefully, I won't end up on TV. Clutter really enrages Ron; but he makes a very strong effort not to react. I don't do this for him, but for me. I want to be proud of my home.