Highway to Hell

I had a lovely dream last night.  I was in a lovely place; it had a seashore, woods, mountains, running streams, and glorious activities. 

I've been afraid of horses since an incident back in my elementary days.  My horse got stuck in some mud and tried to buck, very hard.  I clung to the horse as my helmet flew off.  Since then, I was always afraid of them, especially after what happened to Mr. Reeve. 

In my dream, though, I was riding a lovely gray horse with a whitish mane.  I wasn't afraid.  It was peaceful.  I met people I knew in my youth group years, people who have no idea they literally saved my life with their kindness and acceptance.  I can hardly wait to see them again. 

"Sounds like Heaven" Ron told me. 

"I think it was a little hint" I told him.  Do I think I had a "message from God"?  I don't know.  I might have, I might have just had a good turn of brain for a change (I am prone to awful dreams and nightmares). 

I do find it a little tiresome when Ron relates a dream in excruciating detail, so I'll end it there.  That's about all I remember, anyway. 

Ron used to have nightmares before my diagnosis.  We'd be fleeing from a bad guy who wanted to kill us, but I would "screw up" somehow and lead him to us.  He had the same dream again and again.  He would always wake up *so angry*. 

I do know, thanks to the migraine, I haven't had any mood stabilizers in two days.  I managed to gag down the Haldol last night. 

I'm at a dangerous point.  On the one hand, I feel great, mildly energized, good dreams, a little more creativity, upbeat, not my usual depression. 

On the other hand I'm on the Highway to Hell if I don't get back on my medication.  My stomach is OK today so you can bet that will happen. 

I was actually toxic yesterday, my hands were shaking really bad, so I know my levels aren't too far gone.  It's going to kill me to do it, but I have to get back onboard the mood stabilizer train. 

Yup, I'll be groggy, queasy, foggy, and everything else I hate.  I'll probably have horrible dreams and stomach irritation.  Maybe a headache or two tomorrow. 

I cannot go off my medication; it's a highway to hell, and I'm not going back.  It would probably kill me.