Paranoid

Ron and I went to the bank; to pay me. 

He had given me an "advance" and I had a little "leftover" so I wasn't in need.  I feel very blessed; Ron pays ALL the bills.  The only "debts" I have are a couple of small, monthly, charity debits. 

I feel a little wierd talking about our banking because I never do so.  I tend to run paranoid. 

When I get paid, we present one dollar bills to the teller, who exchanges them for $20 bills.  Normally this is just done without any other procedure. 

Imagine how I felt when she said "You need to swipe your card".  "But we're just trading $1's for 20's, why do we need to do this?  We have never done this before!" 

"New policy". 

[insert squinty, paranoid face]  "What?"

"We have to document all cash transactions." 

[insert squinty again]

I almost took the money and left, aboil with paranoid delusions of tracking and monitoring.  But is it a delusion if they really are tracking me?  I need to stay off these roads. 

We had a little wait for our ride, inside the bank.  I kept musing about the tracking, now. 

It reminds me of a scene in a show.  The main character has paranoid schitzophrenia.  One day he sees a black SUV outside his home.  A man gets out and stands next to the vehicle, he is wearing a black suit.  The paranoid man ignores it, but his "normal" partner says "How long has he been there?" 

"A few days" the paranoid replies.  "What, he's real?  I thought I was delusional.  It's a black SUV with government plates and a guy in a suit - of course I'm 'seeing' it."  No, she assured him, it's real. 

It's a very funny scene.  At least, for me. 

Ron was laughing at me.  "What's the big deal?" 

I sighed.  "Ron.  I am a very paranoid person.  I don't go to happy places when I'm told I am being monitored." 

"Really?  You're that bad?"  Yeah.  That's why I take my Haldol. 

It got me thinking about some ways I handle that.  I had a terrible time consenting to the background check at work, wearing the security badge.  I was OK with the 50 million security cameras because I had them when I worked retail. 

I never, ever, talk about anything I perceive to be a security issue at work.  I don't even talk about our pickup location. 

In fact, I recently had a situation at work.  A few guys showed up pushing a cart.  They wanted "in" but you have to have a security badge with an RFID chip. 

I could tell they were going to follow me into the building (I had a cart, and Ron).  I waited off to the side for them to figure things out.  A guy came out of the building.  They asked him to let them in.   He looked at me and said "She'll do it." 

"NO!" I barked.  "I won't.  Why don't you have a badge?"  They mumbled excuses.  They had no business going in that door. 

After they left, I went in.  Yeah, I was "rude" but I don't know who they are.  Any legitimate person would have a badge with the chip.  I'm not going to let anyone in to wander around the building. 

That's just how I operate.  I remember one time we had a regular driver who had driven about 20 miles, past countless gas stations, to our home.  When I came out she got out of the vehicle and said "I'm going to use your bathroom". 

No, I told her. 

"Why not?"  Well, I thought, for one because you invited yourself in.  Two because you drove past countless gas stations to get to my home, Three, you are a major gossip.  You just want to go into my home so you can gossip about it.  My home is my sanctuary.   Four, that's against the regulations and you know it.  You are never supposed to go into the client's home. 

I told her no, again.  "But I have to go" she whined.  I directed her to the gas station near our home; letting her know "You're not getting in".  Suddenly it wasn't as urgent.  She got us loaded and went to the gas station.  I'm sure she told everyone I was a bitch royale but I was fine with that.  If she wants to tell a tale that could get her fired, that's on her.  I didn't see her after that, actually. 

I think that's one reason the JW's anger me so.  I don't have a problem with salesmen, but peddling your damnation, banging on my door - no.  Same with the mormons. 

I am also paranoid about key control at work.  Ron has a key, so do I.  That's it.  When we got the business we were ordered to give a copy of one of our keys to the repairman "So he can work on the machines when you're not around."  Yeah, right.  We did the math.  Before we changed the locks he soaked us for $300 a month, for a couple of years.  When we have a repairman now, I unlock the machine for him, not giving him the keys. 

I don't put anything with my name on it, in the recycle.  I throw that out. 

You get the idea.