Not that into kids

When I was a kid, I always hoped I'd grow up, get married, and have kids.  I'd nurse the babies and be a stay at home Mom the way God intended. 

However, that wasn't God's plan. 

I admit I found babies "cute" when I was a child and preteen.  Then I was signed up to work in the church nursery with the toddlers. 

Let's take a moment to review that: brain damage, poor impulse control, insane, child care worker.  If you have kids, CHECK OUT anyone who comes in contact! 

However, the only problem I encountered was when I let some kids "shoot" me and pretended to die.  One of the senior (literally) care workers objected and felt I was "promoting violence".

It's odd to think those "children" probably have kids of their own now.  One little girl cried a lot and wanted to be held constantly.  I used to hold her, thinking how I'd never had that myself, and tried to pour some love into her while I had her in my care. 

The other kids were your usual bunch of rambunctious toddlers.  One little boy wanted to stay and play with me, even after his mother came to pick him up. 

She contacted my adoptive Mom about babysitting.  That was an awkward one for Mom "She's fine at the church, under supervision, but she's nuttier than a fruitcake!" 

Somehow, she conveyed it. 

Since people didn't really want to work with the kids, my schedule was accelerated to hours every week, during second service.  I don't think I really missed out, the teaching was pretty bland.  The kids seemed to like me. 

Then we left the church (church split) and joined a megachurch for a while.  They didn't need any child care so I found myself climbing to the loft and listening to more bland sermons. 

While working retail, after Ron and I got together, the "spanish" girls used to give me a hard time.  They each had at least one baby, or working on it.  I was in a stable relationship; didn't I want a baby?  

No, I concluded, I didn't.  I had Ron to love, he loved me.  We had a cat.  I felt complete. 

"And then I got pregnant".... KIDDING! 

I may have had a miscarriage or two - what I produced certainly wasn't timely, or typical.  By my last count I had 3 "possibles".  If so they're a lot better off in Heaven. 

God knows, literally, I would be a terrible mother.  I accept that.  I also know I have severe limitations.  Ron can't really help with the parenting. 

God never put the desire for kids into me.  My nursery experience taught me that, while cute, kids are a tremendous amount of work.  I've never wanted them. 

So, I hear the uproar next door, a birthday party I think - they do have 5 kids.  I'm sure someone's always having a birthday.  The kids are screaming but it's not malicious.  The cats are safe in the house, looking only mildly freaked. 

My biggest issue is a pissy litterbox.  I need to scoop. 

Sometimes, though, watching families, I feel like an alien.  I just don't get it.  Ron never wanted kids either. 

I have to figure God made us "special" taking out something others have - a desire for kids and all they entail.   I'm fine with that.