Options

I just took a big handful of pills, some prescriptions, some vitamins, some supplements.  That's all I took. 

You see, no matter how bad it gets, I would never attempt suicide by overdose.  Why's that? 

Well, for one, my doctor trusts me.  I don't want to abuse that trust, discredit him, and send a bunch of moles digging through his files (he is an excellent doctor and a wonderful person too).   He told me once, he had lost a couple of patients to suicide, and it clearly pained him.

I wouldn't want to hurt him.  He's a wonderful man. 

That's aside from the fact that suicide would destroy everyone around me.  I don't want to hurt them either, but a suicide could ruin Doc's career. 

I don't want that.  He has helped countless people, including me, to live enjoyable and productive lives.  That's a gift. 

I also have "a track record of seeking help" to quote an emergency room doctor, from my last crisis.  Yes, I told him, I do.  The times I couldn't take it anymore I went and got help. 

I have the county mental health crisis line (God, I love Harris County - mental health police, AND a crisis line) in my phone - things get awful, I can call that and vent for a bit.  Or my pastor.  Or put up a prayer request on Facebook.  You get the idea; I have options. 

If you're prone to suicidal depressions, remember that.  You have options.