Saturday morning

 I play some dangerous games.  Like eating peanut butter.  Maybe I'll get a headache; maybe not.  God only knows until I eat it.  

So a bad headache yesterday afternoon up to today (still going). I didn't sleep great as a result.  I slept I just hurt while I slept.  

Ron had his issue which took it's time resolving (is OK now but it's an ongoing issue, I will see if I can talk about it later).  I woke up at 5, pill time.  I had to do some home care stuff.  

Ron kept saying how nice I was and how he hates to be yelled at.  I never yell at him?  So I don't know where that comes from.  I am very matter of fact and I will say nice about doing the ickier things.  The takeaway I got on that is he does appreciate that and would feel very bad if I shamed him, which I never do.  His sister was nasty about that - she would gossip about personal issues to everyone (one reason I am so coy until Ron clears it) in a nasty and malicious way.  

We are ALL going to need help one day you had better check that because what you put out when helping others is coming RIGHT back to you.  I don't care what you believe in, faith wise, you had BETTER believe that.  So I would rather be "an angel" (direct quote) than someone nasty and mean.  That's just how I operate.  

I know a lot of people would say I have wasted my life with him, I was never ambitious and didn't make much money, own a very modest home - one driver told me she could never share a bathroom, 

Side note when a driver brings me home they are gaping at all the nice, 2 story brick homes, the nicer cars in the driveway (you don't see any beaters or decrepit cars, they are either pristine classics or well maintained late model vehicles), very impressed with the neighborhood.  Then they pull up in front of my orange clapboard house and are let down.  Wait a minute this doesn't fit...it is funny to watch the reaction but I love my house.  I would get new siding, insulation, and a new roof but that is all even if I won a lot of money.  

Anyway I have lived a pretty simple life.  Invested much of my time and energy into a guy who wasn't always a prince.  But I believe God wants me here so here I will stay.  Also, I think it would be really unfair to Ron to stay when he was mobile and able to care for himself, then leave the minute he needed a little help. It is, to me, not that big a deal.  

I have to stand at the throne one day and be judged for my actions.  

Right out of the Bible: 

Revelation 20:12

And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books.

Now I am born again so I am not condemned but I believe I will be held accountable for my actions.  Did I live for myself?  Or did I work to please God and not Self?  

I think about that.  So I am glad Ron is happy and safe. He can be very sensitive at times, especially when he needs help.  He did say NO to changing the bed (it needs it but is not disgusting) and a bath so I do what he'll let me.  

Sometimes I think that would be the nice part of bringing someone else in to help care for him, they could be the bad guy changing the bed and bathing him.  But then I hear horror stories of caregivers coming reeking of smoke (Ron has chemical sensitivity), stealing, playing on their phone all day and not working, etc.  

A weird thing Ron calls me "Nurse Bishop" when I am bathing him, if he feels me scrubbing (sometimes I need to).  I do my best to be gentle but he will complain, nice if someone else heard it.  But if you asked he would probably rather have me.  

My head is feeling a little better I may be able to go to the bank after all.