Friday, September 7, 2018

Off the cliff

Last night Ron told me "they" would leave us at Walmart "too long" so he was cancelling the trip.  He offered to pay for a cab each way so I accepted. 

Ever since that time I got stuck at Walmart for two and a half hours (I finally called Chuck to come get me) on a Sunday, trying to get a cab, I always worry about getting back.  But it's a Friday.  Not a payday.  Should be pretty quiet, and good odds of getting a ride. 

I slept late, for me, 9 AM.  Biscuit kept pestering me to feed him, I finally got up and did it.  I did my usual morning routine and my Bible study.  I got dressed and got ready to go. 

I called for a regular cab.  It has been my experience it is always easy to get a ride to Walmart but not so much getting one home.  So a random driver is actually a pretty good bet. 

He got a little lost but found me eventually, and we went.  He liked the candy, liked the tip, and I told him I'd give him first crack at my trip home. 

I went in and did my shopping.  No rush, but I didn't have a lot planned.  I bought what I came for, paid the electric bill ($75) and made my deposit.  I bought a corn dog and got in a line with a good, long-term cashier.  It was a good transaction. 

I called James (first driver), busy.  I called Demetrius.  Busy.  I called another driver and he could pick me up, in about 15 minutes.  I told him that was fine.  I waited on him outside because there was someone coughing inside the building and I didn't want to catch it, whatever it was. 

Oh, and Ron called me.  He had talked to Pete, who fixed up our house several years ago.  Pete may be coming to Houston.  Ron invited him to stay with us.  My house is a mess.  The couch Ron offered him is right next to a litter box, not exactly appealing standards.  And of course he didn't ask me about it. 

Eventually my ride arrived and we went home, got stuck in a little traffic but not too bad.  Not like when we lived in Southwest Houston.  Traffic jams everywhere in SW Houston.  Expensive rent.  Don't miss it one bit. 

I called Ron and he opened the garage door, so I could bring in my groceries more easily.  I like to hand out Powerades to people doing manual labor around me, so I had a pretty good amount of drinks I also had a lot of coconut milks.  They make a good keto shake with a splash of vanilla in them. 

Plus, I finally found my mixer.  I got that and some bowls, and some heavy whipping cream.  I bought some free & clear Tide pods, etc. 

I brought it all in and put it away.  That's when Ron started drinking.  I tried to take a nap but I couldn't really sleep.  I had 2 Diet Dr Peppers at Walmart and I'm not used to the caffeine.  I finally got up. 

I had those little tenderized ranch steaks that had to be cooked today.  I put some onions in my skillet first and then cooked them up.  A little black pepper and salt in addition to the onion.  If I had been ambitious, I would have used some of my bacon ends in it, too. 

I cooked 2 (I had 4, each was 4 ounces) with onions for Ron, and 2 plain for me.  I cut Ron's up and put all the sauteed onions in a ziplock bag for Ron.  He needs things that are chewy, cut up small for him.  He has trouble swallowing and is supposed to be on a diet of pureed foods.  Yuck.  I think Ron would rather risk choking than to eat like that. 

I know I would. 

So I put all his food in a baggie and cut up my food.  It was a little chewy, but good.  I was glad I was getting real protein instead of processed crap.  Then it hit the fan. 

Ron started screaming for me.  I went back and found his phone on the floor.  I gave it to him, he hid it under his pillow (supposed to go in shirt pocket or fanny pack).  He wanted to go up front.  I took him.  I found his little fan and his tv remote up by the microwave.  I asked him if he wanted me to put them away.  He didn't understand, he was delusional. 

Ensue about half an hour of hell,  Ron screaming at me about random things, babbling, etc.  He wanted to go in the garage.  OK.  He was wearing his underwear.  I took him out in the garage and he said he wanted me to open the door, so he could go out and put his library books in the driveway, then come back in the house. 

It took a while to explain we do not mail back library books by putting them in the driveway.  He honestly didn't know how we got to work, either.   It scared the hell out of me. 

Thank God for you guys, I would feel so lost and alone without you.  This journey has not gone the way I hoped, but at least I'm not riding alone. 

I finally talked Ron into going in the house and not exposing himself to the neighbors.  Good thing.  The yard crew showed up to mow the yard.  I took them some drinks (see?) and they refused any payment, the way they always do. 

Ron was looking for his cell phone.  Something told me it was under his pillow, he looked, and found it.  He knocked over his chair, he uses it to brace himself sometimes.  I had to fix it.  He also stores a lot of clothes on it so it is top heavy.  We will have to figure something out where he can access his clothes in his current condition, but not on the chair.  I'm not sure what we'll do.  He has filled up his dresser with all kinds of crap so that's out.  We may need to buy another dresser. 

He finally calmed down after the yard guys left, and he slept a while.  I finally got online, Torbie had been in my chair most of the day, and I didn't want to disturb her. 

When Ron gets hungry, his food is in the fridge.  I ate a piece, it was good.  We'll see what he thinks.  If he doesn't like it I will probably put it out for the possum because I don't like onions. 

Let's see if he made any trips for tomorrow.  Could get expensive (cabs) if he didn't.  Yes, he did.  Made a lot of mistakes but he got it done.  Good. 

I'm so tired.  And scared.  It doesn't seem fair, I finally get my illness under control and Ron goes off the cliff.  I just want to live a quiet life and serve God.  Instead I feel like dementia/drunk wrangler. 

I need to get back into weightlifting.  It burns off a lot of stress.  I just need to clean out the garage.  We have a lot of old crap in there that can go away. 

I just hope I can sleep tonight. 

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do you think it's alcohol causing the confusion?
Maybe check the side effects on his pain pills.
How scary to go through that.

Heather Knits said...

When I talked to him this morning I got a lot of justification about 2 vs 3 servings of alcohol and how he will "do better". If alcohol made me act like that I'd stay the hell away, but that's me. He did say he was sorry he scared me.

Anonymous said...

Honest question. Do you dream of a new life for yourself?

Spankadoo said...

I am so sorry Healther I am always here and you know i have been through it and honestly there is peace on the other side OOOXXX be strong and YOU do YOU OOOXXX

Heather Knits said...

Honest answer, I have nightmares about my life without Ron in it. I am totally dependent on him for all financial. My grandmothers would be horrified, one warned me to always be able to support myself, the other lost everything when her husband died and would be very disappointed I would be in her shoes should something happen to Ron.

Anonymous said...

You’ll be better financially without him though...