Ugh. I'm getting chatty. Feeling that relentless drive that comes with a mania.
I will channel this at work tomorrow and get a LOT done, but I wouldn't choose it. I just want to eat and take my pills like I always do. I really figured I would be fine by now.
I don't think I was that violently ill but it's all a blur of pain. Glad that is over but wishing I could just EAT already and take my pills!
So many people violently resist taking medication and I am begging God for an opportunity to take it! It's crazy.
It's going to be an interesting visit with Doc in a couple of weeks. I will, most likely, still be manic. He told me once that lithium clears the body in a couple of days so my level is probably zero right now. It takes, I think, about a month to get back to normal.
So what am I doing? Well, I had a good talk with Ron when he woke up. He even stopped drinking for a while. I looked up some stuff on the internet for him. I posted all over the internet.
I had one solitary spoonful of cooked barley. I found the pepto, praise God, and took some. I figure it can only help. The bottle was almost empty but I found a full bottle under the bathroom sink.
Ron ate all the chips. I had been able to hold a few down yesterday (the Lays Stax), but he got drunk this morning and ate them all. He felt terrible about it when I asked him for a few, but, like I told him, it's not like I asked him to save them for me. They were "his" chips.
Did your family have the whole "my food, your food", thing? Mine did. "My" food was generally not very appetizing choices. I won't go into a lot of details. I got the same food as everyone else at dinnertime but the choices I had for breakfast/lunch were pretty regrettable. No wonder I was so skinny.
So I still see things I buy for Ron as "his" food and stuff I buy for myself as "mine". I will share, if he asks, but he generally has the same stuff I do.
I have to go to bed in about an hour. I am still pretty wired. I just hope I can sleep. This hasn't been a good week for sleep, which, of course, feeds the mania. It's a perfect storm: no medication, no sleep.
Ugh. I will get through this. I hate being so fragile. I hate that a tiny brownie can knock me on my butt for a week, that a few days without medication turns me into someone I don't like. It's miserable. But at least I am not in constant, chronic, pain like Ron. I wouldn't want that. I like being able to see, as well. And my body works pretty well, just not when I eat anything chocolate.
I understand why my stomach is so irritated: after I got over the migraine, I got a couple of bad headaches, one each day, and had to take generic Excedrin - which is very irritating to a stomach lining. I'll be lucky if I get out of this without an ulcer.
Hopefully the pepto will help. You can bet I am going to get some ginger my next Day Out. It has been helpful for me in the past - I used to get a lot of nausea taking my lithium. I would take a ginger root capsule (which I can get at Walmart the next time I go), with every dose. It helped.
Then I realized I needed a lot of fat/protein with each dose and I did better, stopped doing it. I may still check my pill box (who would have thought I'd have to have a pill box like this in my 40's), and see if I have some ginger capsules.
Ron and I were talking about some of his brain functions that have changed since his accident. One, he wouldn't mind sharing, is names. He has a hard time finding the names for things at times. I will have him give me hints and then I guess it, and he goes YES.
I told him he should watch the old Steve Martin movie "The Man with Two Brains" if he got a chance. I think he would enjoy some of the scenes and it is pretty heavy dialogue so he will be able to follow it without me. He said he has "seen" it in his movie listing.
Our cable company has a talking feature, where the box will talk to you. He loves that. It is nice for me that he is independent. I already do a lot. One less is no problem for me.
Ugh. I need to eat! I need to get some sleep!
On a positive note, I wonder how much weight I will lose before this is over.
Oh, and I'll leave you with a song I really like (should be fine for most musical tastes) https://youtu.be/TfiYWaeAcRw
10 comments:
You ain’t fragile! You rock heather!
We are all fragile, some people just don't recognize it. We are all dependent on God for our next breath of oxygen, water and food, and shelter. God loves you and I do pray for you too. I feel fragile to, a lot...it's part of life, and I think some of us don't have much of a support system. No one wants to get involved, they might feel obligated in some manner. Ron is right about the ride to church. We see new large SUV's going to church...most all have ONE person in them. I understand where you are coming from most of the time...keep doing what you need to do...focus on God.
As for the SUV's going to church. I wouldn't want someone who only bathes and changes his clothes once a month if that in my car. Talk about the spread of potential infectious diseases such as MRSA, staph and more. Seriously he is just nasty and gross.
He bathes more often than that. He just doesn't like it, as it's painful. They make bath wipes for people who are bed bound. He uses those daily. I make sure his clothes are OK - unless he has gotten up late and put on something unsuitable, and I only find out after we get outside. That happens rarely.
Your keyboard is probably a lot "grosser" than Ron. The average keyboard is full of fecal bacteria and worse, and you are probably touching it right now.
Not posting the other comment due to name calling of my other readers. Some of us attribute to God, some of us don't. We can leave it at that without name calling.
Also, if you want to talk about nasty I wasn't able to take a shower all week due to my migraine. I almost thought about putting up a picture, I looked so bad. I reeked (a lot worse than Ron ever has) and all my bedding needs a wash too. My legs were hairy, I had a definite odor, etc. But he still loved me and was kind to me.
If we only love people when they are pretty we are really missing out on the important part of love. And, like I said, Ron takes pretty good care of himself. I just figure he didn't use his cleaning wipes a couple of days when I was sick, since I wasn't getting out of bed anyway. The tshirt was a mess on Monday, a couple of days of eating in bed didn't improve it - but we weren't going anywhere anyway. Except today, when we both cleaned up.
You said he never changes his bedding and when he washes his feet in the bathtub there is so much dirt it is disgusting. So you can't have it both ways. The man stinks. No two ways around that. For my other comment god is not making humans breathe it happens all on it's own. Take an anatomy class and then earth science since you are obviously ignorant about how the human body functions.
I never said anything about dirt in the tub. I said I needed to clean the tub, which I still do.
Did you sterilize your keyboard yet? :p
A month or so ago you said when you washed his feet the dirt coming off them and into the tub was so bad it left a ring and you had to clean it. People are funny. It is OK for you to tell the bad things about Ron but when someone else mentions them you minimize them or do a complete 180 about how things are not as bad as you made them out to be.
I don't care about the ring. I just cared about the complaining and worrying if he was going to fall, getting out of the tub. I know he last thing he wants is to meet the paramedics naked.
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