Much better today

I had trouble sleeping last night because I was manic.  I slept in as late as I could, got up, showered, shaved my legs.  I noticed my left hand still shakes even though I haven't taken my lithium in almost a week.  It appears that might be permanent.

I am OK with that, I can still type, take care of Ron, work, etc.  I don't do crafts anymore but I probably could if I wanted (just slower).  I would have been dead back in 2006 - I will share something I don't thing I have, yet.

In 2006 I was extremely suicidal, mixed episodes, rapid cycling, hallucinating, about as bad as you can get with bipolar.  I started thinking about ways to kill myself.  I would lie in bed and think about stabbing myself.  I would ride in a car and think how I could jump off the overpass.

There is an overpass near my home where two freeways meet.  It is some miles from my home.  Anyway, the connectors go up in the air about 80 feet.  I thought I could walk up on one of those things, jump, and hit the freeway below.  If the fall didn't kill me the oncoming car would.  I was obesessed with this.

One problem: I am scared of heights!  I doubt I would have made it up!  Thank God He led me to get help and I finally got an accurate diagnosis.  And, even better, medication!

Of course, suicidal people are very selfish.  Think about how that poor oncoming car would have felt, hitting, and killing me.  Not to mention my dead meat might have killed him!  If a cinder block thrown off an overpass can kill a driver, imagine a 180 pound human!  I would have totaled their car at best - like I said, selfish, but all we think about is ending the pain.

But, like I said, I am much better today and not suicidal at all.  I just don't want to go back to that.

So, I got up and got ready.  Ron took a bath and changed his clothes.  Good.  His shirt was starting to snap at me, it was so ripe.

Our first driver just doesn't like us, I think.  Now, admittedly I am not in the land of super clear thinking right now, but she pulled up, late, and blasted the horn at 6 in the morning.  Good thing our neighbors get up early!

Then she immediately got on the radio and had 2 supervisors do call outs.  Which is basically someone asking you on the phone to hurry up and come out, are you riding today?  We got out in about 2 minutes (Ron is in a wheelchair, so it takes some time).  We got out there and she snarled at us.  She had her radio on maximum volume - it was extremely loud.

Like many head injury victims, and most blind people, Ron doesn't like a lot of noise.  He begged her to please turn it off, several times, but she said she "had" to do the wheelchair first.  How hard is it to come around the car and turn the knob?  She was just in a nasty mood all the way to the warehouse.

Whenever she picks us up, she is in a nasty mood.  I don't think she likes us.  I don't know what it is, I think a combination of "Happy couple and I have a lousy love life" and "I hate his God talk".  We are always polite to the drivers, usually give them candy and drinks, and say please and thank you.  We never yell at them when they are late (like today).

I would have called in a complaint on her but this is probably the only thing she can do that will get her this kind of money (paratransit drivers are well paid and only have to have a clean driving record and high school education).  I just let it go.  Not everyone likes us.

Ron had scheduled an interesting trip.  Our primary driver couldn't help, our secondary driver was sick.  So we called Chuck, who has a Mazda Tribute, a small to medium sized SUV.

Ron would ride paratransit to work, and Chuck would take me and our supplies to work and meet him.  It promised to be interesting.

I still had NO appetite.  But Gatorade was staying down, so I threw a couple of cold bottles from the deli area into my cart (paid for with personal money, not business) when I was shopping.  I got about 10 cases of drinks, no snacks.

I bought the inventory with my cash because Ron was out and we had to pay flood insurance today (took it out of savings :( ).  I bought our stuff and drank a bottle of Gatorade.

We went out and waited on the ride.  He was on time.  I have always wanted to go to Sam's Club and guy a lot of stuff, call a paratransit ride, and pretend I thought I was going to take it all on paratransit.  The driver's expression was priceless.  He said he "Didn't think he could make this work".  [snort]  Yeah, I bet.  10 cases of drinks, and a wheelchair, in the back of a minivan!  No way!

So I got Ron on his way, and Chuck showed up.  I loaded everything and we went to work.  Ron had gotten a straight trip so he was waiting for us.  I unloaded everything with Chuck's help and then paid him (we always pay our volunteer drivers).

I left Ron with the stuff and got my big cart, brought it all in, put it in the fridge.  I helped Ron for a while, loading drinks.  Then I did accounting stuff, took the money out of the machines, got the end of month readings for accountability (also so we can see how sales are for each machine).

Then I did "my" work.  One worker tried to corner me and talk politics.  I pretended to agree with him, but I am going to be firmer and tell people "I don't talk politics" because we will NEVER agree.  I know maybe 5 people in real life who agree with my far-right, second amendment (I have no problem with guns, just not for me), Bible thumping, evangelical outlook.  But Ron does, thank God.

Then someone else tried to tell me I was a pampered little brat who didn't have to work for what I had.  I almost responded, but, thank God, Ron was calling me loudly so I ran off to "help".  I have never been so happy to take him to the bathroom.

I got it all done (while I was doing my work, Ron counted the money in private).  We went to the bank, this time with a NICE driver.  His wheelchair ramp was broken so he had to fold the chair and put it in the backseat with Ron.  Ron's pretty gimpy but he can get in a regular chair/car on his own pretty well.  It's ugly but he does it.  So it worked, otherwise, if he had been "bound" to the chair he would have had to wait on another ride.  And we were pretty tired.    The driver said the vehicle had 300K miles on it.

We got to the bank, long lines.  Everyone got paid, it's the end of the month.  And it was a new teller.  The last time we had a new teller, we were shorted a hundred dollars in our count (they later caught it, corrected it, and fired the teller).

But a "good" teller (I rate them in my head) told us she was "really awesome, and would take good care of you" and she did exactly everything right.  She counted the 1 dollar bills and hundred packed them, told us the total, and then made the deposit.  I got my pay, and they money I spent on Chuck and the inventory back.  Ron got some money for inventory and personal, not as much as me.  Then he gave me some extra money for 'working when you were sick, on Monday".  He's a good man.

He would like to buy me presents but I honestly don't want much when I'm medicated.  I am very content with what I have.  Flowers would just get knocked over and ruined by the cats.  I can't eat chocolate.  So "cash money" makes a good gift.

I will put some of it in my personal emergency fund.  Yes, I have one.  If things really get bad (Ron dies, Ron goes off the cliff) I will have a "little" something.

We were done.  The bank took about an hour, with the lines and the transaction.  We transferred the money for the flood insurance.  We certainly have to have that.  To quote a Houstonian I know, we have had 3 bad floods in 5 years.  It would be stupid beyond belief to let our policy lapse.

Ron called the cab driver (the one who brings his liquor).  He was, happily, right across the street.  Two trucks were parked in the disabled area (maybe they were crippled, maybe they weren't), and an armored car was blocking the wheelchair ramp.  I was pretty upset.  They all saw Ron in his wheelchair needing to get to the cab and not one of them moved.

Jerks.  But Ron had me.  So I took him off the curb without a ramp (there's a trick to it, and Ron leans forward to help balance the chair and make it easier).  I got to the cab and got Ron loaded.

Now, at work, I had gotten hungry.  I ate a bag of chips (one ounce) and then had a turkey sandwich about an hour later.  This was hours after that, I was hungry again, and I wanted a bacon cheeseburger.  I was BACK.

So we had the cab driver take us through the Jack in the Box drive through.  They have a teriyaki bowl Ron wanted to try (I don't think he will like it).  I got a sourdough Jack, the only thing I get at Jack in the Box.  I also got a small curly fries because I was hungry and really hadn't eaten anything solid in a week.

I was hungry, praise God.  I knew my stomach would come back if I gave it time.

Ron and I ate the fries on the way home.  The Sourdough Jacks (at least the ones in Houston) are drippy and I didn't want to mess up my clothes, or the cab.  Ron felt the same.

I ate my whole bag of fries on the way home.  My stomach kind of paused at the grease, but we did fine.  Ron, on the other hand, almost vomited when the driver stopped at an intersection   The driver did not notice, thank God, or that would probably be the end of riding with him.  But Ron recovered admirably and didn't "leak".

We got home.  Ron said he was hot and laid down in front of a fan, had me put his food in the fridge.  I got naked, ate my burger, dripped everywhere, cleaned up, took my pills, and took a nap.

Ron had eaten some old takeout last night.  I think it got him.  And, to my defense, I had plenty of wholesome food in the freezer for him.  He was just cheap and didn't want to throw it out.  He should be fine, he hasn't vomited or gone to the bathroom.  I think he just has a "touch" of it.

I'm just so glad I am better.  I am never eating chocolate again.  It's just not worth the migraine.

It would be really awesome if that 5-pound loss decided to "stick".

Edit: Ron is feeling better and says he has no nausea.