I feel terrible

I woke up with a crushing migraine.  I was pretty nauseous, but not actively vomiting.  OK, I thought, I can work.  Ron was just awful this morning. 

I think it is a narcissist thing.  I'm not revolving around him and his needs, when I'm sick.  I am unreliable, "broken", etc.  He gets really upset and lashes out.  That's not excusing him - that's understanding.  It is awful to scream at someone who is having a migraine, when they are begging you to please tone it down.  He will answer for that, one day. 

I finally went outside and waited on our ride, standing up on the porch.  When the ride came I went back into the house and got Ron.  The ride, by the way, was almost an hour late.  As a rule, I give all drivers a small New Testament in a bag of candy.  Sometimes I am tempted not to but then God reminds me, even if they are a bad driver they are a soul He loves.  So I do it anyway. 

We got stuck in traffic.  Ron was talking, loudly, to the driver, it was killing my head.  I asked him to stop and he told me off.  That's about when I did my last post. 

We had a very short time at work.  I told Ron I could not help him due to that and I had to do snacks.  He wasn't happy about that and did the whole martyr, I will do it myself then, thing.  I was just telling him I couldn't help him first. 

It is more important to fill multiple empty coils in a snack machine, favorites they can only get from us - than to "top off" a few sodas in each vending machine.  Someone complained to me one of the machines wasn't giving change, I had Ron fix that one.  He showed me the trick, which is difficult, but I could replicate it if I had to do it. 

Ron put some stuff in the bottled vendor, too, but in my opinion it didn't need much.  We managed to finish before the pickup. 

Ron's attitude had gotten somewhat better but he didn't have what I'd call empathy or understanding for what I was going through.  I got my bucket (I have an emergency bucket for migraines, in case one hits at work and I am worried about the ride home), and we left. 

Our driver showed up almost immediately, thank God.  I took off my sunglasses (they go over my regular glasses) and climbed aboard.  He had dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytail, and a beard.  I was happy to see him, happier still to hear it was a straight trip. 

I didn't need to use my bucket.  I left it in the garage, to go back to work, when we got home.  I pushed Ron in the house "I need a drink".  Of course you do. 

I went to bed and left him to it.  I had a frozen bottle of water I had gotten out of the freezer last night, as it thawed, I drank the ice water.  It was very refreshing.  I was able to hold down sips even though I was still queasy.  I worked on that all day and drank a quart, total, without getting sick (over the course of about 12 hours). 

I made some gatorade and put it in the freezer, later. 

I went to bed and slept fitfully.  The house behind us had the yard guys out, they were pretty loud, I was happy when they stopped.  I had strange dreams when I did dream and I woke up around 2. 

I got up, made some gatorade in my bottle, and put it in the freezer.  I have powder.  I am still pretty queasy but I know it will pass eventually. 

At Biscuit's dinner time last night, I couldn't stand the thought of opening a can of fishy cat food, so I just did some dry.  He was really happy.  He is lying on my foot now waiting for his next meal.  But he is huge, so he doesn't need it for a couple of hours yet. 

I watched a little TV but not liking all the food commercials.  It's supposed to rain today but it's sunny out. 

And I know what is behind all of this, on my birthday, at the warehouse, they had samples of little chocolate brownies.  And I ate one.  I would bet money that's what got me.  I just hope I don't have a 4 day migraine like I did last time I ate chocolate. 

Ron said he wanted to take me to Walmart tomorrow.  I asked him why.  He offhandedly mentioned he would get some vodka on the way home.  I told him I didn't want to be a part of that.  He got upset and said it would cost him more money to send the guy on his own.  I told him, no, it won't, you pay him the same every time.  Why do I have to be there?  [I know the answer, it shows tacit approval]  He couldn't answer that.  Then I went to bed. 

Ron NEVER wants to take me to Walmart unless he is getting something out of it. 

Oh, I feel like crap.