Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The other question

I just covered one of my big questions about humility and self-esteem.

Here's the other one: Where does enabling end, and caregiving begin?

Well, I have chosen not to play the alcoholic games.  It's hard sometimes.  I admit I have played all those roles, and if you're a long time reader you've seen that.

Last night Ron got a little sloppy, rude, and ugly.  This morning, he asked why things had been moved in his room, and I plainly told him "You got a little sloppy last night".  He wanted details.  Instead of getting out the adjectives and exclamation points, I told him the basic facts.  "I heard banging and yelling in your room".

Ron got pretty defensive until I made my point (with a little silent prayer).  "I don't care about last night.  You say you can handle it, so handle it.  I'm just saying, however much you drank last night, cut it back a drink tonight."

He thought a moment, then agreed.

Caregiving, not enabling.  Thank you, Lord.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are enabling him.

Heather Knits said...

That's your opinion. I don't buy it. I don't help him buy it. How is that enabling?

I made vows. I take them very seriously. Maybe you'd throw him out like an old sock after the first blackout but that's not how I roll. [smile]

Passerby48 said...

You justify your behavior in enabling that man by saying it is " God's will"
Ok whatever on that
But second you are ASdependent on him as he is on you

Period
Go back a few posts to how wonderful his love and support was

Then he is " disgusting". You are in a cycle of abuse with a drunk, post about it, get angry at anyone who disagrees
I read you blog here and there as I have blog rounds. I need to get out more!
Oh Heather
This is how it s for you, wash rinse repeat, you have good days bad days

You are very strong but human. I can see why you obsess over God.

Good luck to you! you need an in real life girlfriend, badly. It would do you wonders