Disgusting swamp of a mood-hole

I've got the camera, and the will to use it.  [big sigh]  Unfortunately, I have allowed Ron's negativity and anger to infect me this evening.  Not happy about that.  I'm going to have to claw my way out of this disgusting swamp of a mood-hole. 

Bad news first; Ron drinking, bitter at God tonight.  I get very tired.  He really has no idea; his negativity is so toxic.  So many blessings in his life, which he refuses to see.  He's not that blind, is he? 

Today he called me and told me he put out a chair of mine for the junk man.  After the fact.  I was OK with it; I need a folding chair in here.  I like my folding wooden chair; although it needs a new chairpad.  I need to be able to fold my chair when I pull out the pullout (the room is maybe 9 feet square).  I was pretty annoyed at the presumption; after the fact.  He went out to see if he could find it later on and it was gone, of course.  Agh.  A.S.K!

The guy at the office supply store refused to make my tracts, he said he was "too busy", and instructed me to make them myself.  HM.  I'll be back, when the nice guy is working.  I felt like shaking the dust off my feet as I left.  Aggravating; but I'll get 'em.  One way or another! 

I woke up with a very nasty headache, I managed to whack it to "I am functional" levels.  The Tylenol in the Excedrin played hell with my lithium levels and I almost walked out into oncoming traffic while crossing the street.  God does not want me yet.  Boy, that would ruin the driver's day, wouldn't it?  [shudder]  Ron did the whole bitterness rant when he heard my voice; he could tell I was feeling very side-affected.  It just enrages him; and I end up feeling guilty for being sick.  I believe he sees it as God "torturing" me. 

My area is really going downhill, a homeless woman at the bus stop.  It's beginning to remind me of the Tenderloin District in San Francisco.  She was happy to get some candy; and "I spent all my money on candy" is a good deterrent to panhandling. 

So, that's the bad news.  The good news; it was a beautiful day, crisp, cold and windy.  I like windy days.  I layered up like an onion; long underwear, t-shirt, jeans, wool socks, fleece vest, fleece jacket, neckwarmer, fingerless wool gloves, and a nice Army Surplus wool hat.  I am consdering making myself a ribbed wool hat, with slits to put earphones or earbuds; so I can have my ears warmly covered with my hat and still have my tunes.  I considered that as I went to the bus stop. 

I had a tremendous amount of candy, probably a cubic foot total.  I handed out quite a bit.  Everyone was thrilled to pieces. 

First stop was Foodtown.  I got a bag of smoked almonds (2 ounces), and a six-pack of Diet Dr Peppers.  I also got a bag of individually wrapped candies.  They are a Spanish candy.  Sour balls, with assorted fruit and Tamarind flavors, and salt and chili.  GACK.  The recipients always seem to like those types of candies, so I got them.  I figure they ought to be popular.  I didn't want to "marry" a 70-count bag of something that might not be the best... I figure the assortment is better.  God knows I will never eat them. 

I left, and made it to the bus stop in great time; just in time to catch my connecting bus.  I went to Starbucks, and read my romance novel and had my drink... until Ron called about the chair!  I read for a bit longer and then left. 

Off to Favorite Dollar!  Of course I have this huge sack of candy... I got some looks.  I found some GREAT little individually wrapped candy canes, in two flavors: peppermint, and cherry.  I loved cherry candy canes.  I decided, yes, I wanted to hand out BOTH flavors on Christmas morning [cue whine: It's Christmas!], so bought 6 boxes total.  I estimate about 100 items handed out, 2 canes for each, and then I found some tissue paper and gift bags.  PERFECT.  I want them all wrapped, you know.  I ended up spending about $20 total.  I even got some dryer sheets, which I need to put in the laundry room. 

Probably not the best idea to bring the knitting project, it was large and hogged up half my huge tote: the other taken by Driver Candy.  I managed to stuff everything in.  I carried the soda in my backpack.  I'm sure I was a sight. 

I got snubbed by office supply guy (considering, who can blame him?), and headed off to the bus stop.  I had to wait a while with the homeless woman, who was trying to sleep, and gave her the candy as she left. 

Then the bus.  I gave the driver candy, and another passenger.  She said something to me, but I didn't get it.  I think she was asking me if I was a Jehovah's Witness.  A thousand times no!  Anyway, she seemed happy as she left. 

I toddled off to the Christian bookstore, almost becoming roadkill from lithium toxicity.  Note: even if my meds kill me I never had a life until I took them; every day medicated is a gift from God and I have no regrets. 

I got there safely, and wandered in.  They were very kind and helpful as always.  I ended up waiting an extra half hour on Ron to come bring me home.  [shrug]  That's Metrolift. 

The driver was a very nice man from Ethiopia.  I thanked him in Amharic, he was really impressed.  Ron and I like to ask immigrant drivers to teach us "Thank you" in their native language.  He told us how he was present during 2 armed robberies, when people were shot.  YIKE!  I was glad I had given him a Bible!   God's not ready for him yet!  

We had a lovely straight trip home.  I took out the garbage and will check the mail later.  All I need to do is heat up my hamburger in tomato sauce (aka dinner), and do my God Time. 

I do feel better now; I just need to learn not to take his moods personally.