Friday, October 22, 2010

Today was not an easy day.  I woke up with a nasty headache that really, really wanted to be a migraine.  I kept taking Excedrin and even had to take a Phenergan to stay upright and functional.  Ron was in a wierd, nasty, gloomy mood.  I was feeling very resentful. 

Why is Blogger doing auto-save every 30 seconds?  Only God knows.  It's very annoying, though.  I can't see what I'm typing. 

I had a couple things planned, I had to bag up driver candy, finish making the goodie boxes for the widows of the murdered cab drivers.  It was clear to me, that God wanted me to do this.  I aim to be obedient.  I'd also gotten a call from the bookstore, my case of Bibles and packages of "Read Your Bible in a Year" tracts had arrived.  I had to get them.  I also needed to get some additional "stuff" from the bookstore to put into the boxes (I went with Bible Promise Books).  I had to do up my driver candy to hand out - handed it all out and then some.  I had to go to the Post Office and mail the boxes, boy that took forever. 

I woke up at 9, left the house at 11 something.  Didn't get to the bookstore until almost 2.  While waiting at the bus stop, almost killed by a reckless driver.  It was not my time; I lived.  If he had been about a foot to the right I would not be posting, my aunt would be telling you all about how I'd died.  When it happens I was ready to go. 

Today I was feeling horribly disobedient to God.  I didn't want to do my God Time.  I didn't want to pray.  I felt greedy and selfish about the money in "my" pocket, and even more resentful about using "my" time on His work.  This lasted pretty much all day.  I felt like a horrible brat. 

I did ask God for help, because it was obvious I wasn't fit.  It's like when someone does you a favor, and all they do is complain and act bitter and resentful, and you wish they really hadn't "helped".  Just a horrible, vile, mood. 

I think it's very important to show my warts, to give you an accurate image. 

When I got to the bookstore I did up some of the Bibles for distribution and mailing.  I did up the Bible Promise books, on page 62 which was "God's love" or something.  I found it really creepy, I opened one at random and it was the section on "Lust!"  Ew!  I don't think a newly-widowed... yuck.  I moved the bookmark. 

I headed off after doing all that, and waited on a bus.  Onto the bus, off the bus.  To the Post Office.  I don't know how long it took, but it was a very long time.  They remembered me; the candy. 

I promised next time I'd bring them hamburgers; they loved it.  They don't think I will!  Ha! 

The shipping was not cheap, but God always covers the bills.  I went and got a snack.  It seemed to help with the headache. 

The light was broken at a very busy street.  More excitement than I like, crossing the street! 

I crossed the street and waited on the bus with a gang member.  I asked God about giving him a Bible and got a no. 

The bus driver got one.  Lots of bus drivers got Bibles.  I got Ron fried chicken, they got Bibles and so did another guy in line. 

My day was pretty much over by now, so I just got myself a Starbucks and came home.  That was my day. 

I feel really worn out, tired, and used.  Tomorrow is work, then housework and accounting stuff.  I hope to God I can have a nice easy Sunday, doing something fun. 

1 comment:

heidi said...

you are truly a wonderful generous person please do not be so hard on yourself