Wierd mood. I was OK all day but just crashed out. Ugh. I think it was the sight of Ron, drunk, again, in the chair out front singing. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot better than hateful Ron. I just wish... [sigh] AGh. Well, there's your answer for those of you who might have wondered about his drinking.
My, that was HOSTILE. I'm not mad at you, but I don't have an easy load sometimes!
Happy things: I really enjoy my new phone. I might even do more mobile blogging. Ron called the phone company and decided he wanted me to have a data plan. I think it will be good for him, we can watch Youtube videos while waiting on Metrolift.
I moved all my favorite music and photos to the appropriate directories. I got an 8 Gigabyte chip and installed it; plenty of room for fun. I'm glad I got it. Ron says he will pay for it [shrug] either way I like it.
I'm listening to Theocracy's "Laying the Demons to Rest"
It IS Heavy Metal. You can always turn your volume down and just read the lyrics.
Speaking of demons, Ron just came in, drunk, bitter, and raging at God. Then he got another glass of wine. AGH.
If my faith is strong, there's a reason for it. I HAVE to lean on God or my head will just explode like an overripe tomato. I absolutely believe God allows these trials to make me stronger and more dependent. It sounds contradictory, doesn't it?
I truly believe dependence on God makes me stronger. The more I lean on Him, the stronger I become. I imagine there's absolutely no logic in the statement, yet there it is. I believe it with all my heart and soul.
Hopefully I do lean on Him. He certainly knows I can't carry these burdens alone! Ron is always so negative, and when I'm already depressed I just wonder "Why did I wake up this morning?" Awful to say, but hopefully he will pass out in the chair soon and stop dumping on me.
One day God will show him what he has done to me and Ron will be horrified. I have no doubt. I just wish Ron could figure out before he's at the Throne, you know? [grin]
What did I do today, if I haven't completely run you off by now? Oddly, the most depressing posts seem to get the most views. I think it's a human thing, well, at least my life isn't THAT bad! [snort]
Hopefully your life isn't.
So, I got up pretty early. I had taken my shower last night and hit the snooze button a few times. I really hate taking a shower first thing when it's chilly, so I will move towards night-time showers.
I did my God time and did up some candy. Our ride came and they put us on the training route again. Metrolift loves to do that (another hot flash thanks to Wellbutrin). I forgot half the stuff I had planned to take, but thankfully had my phone, money, and candy.
We went to Starbucks. Ron's ride came in pretty good time and he went home, leaving me alone with a handcart.
I read my inspirational suspense novel for a while and finished my drink. Then I headed off to the Christian bookstore. My medication had me pretty lighheaded. I told God, "Your strength is made perfect in weakness; boy, You are strong today!" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) That meant, according to the Bible, I should GLORY in my infirmities, which I guess also means I should glory in my trials.
YAY! My husband is a depressed alcoholic! [I could care less about the physical if I could just fix the drinking and depression). [shrug] Well, it sure can't HURT!
I had to sit down for a while, I was that bad. [sigh] I got up and got some ESV New Testaments. I am still smarting over the $17 per 100 cost for "Where to Look in the New Testament" - the ESV NT has it's own version. I ended up handing a few out.
Oh, I handed out Bibles, candy, and all kinds of Jesus. I'm glad I could. Handing it out is easy and fun; the rest of my life is not. I know I piss the Devil off; he retaliates.
Then I went to the bus stop and the driver passed me up. Nice. Oh, well, I consoled myself that I didn't want to ride with an ugly person anyway. I also handed out a couple of NT's while waiting! Ha - God does use anything for good.
I played with my new phone for a bit and figured some things out. I can do Facebook.
Oh, yeah, somewhere in there I went and got an 8 Gig micro chip and installed it. Yay Heather.
I decided I would go to Favorite Dollar and then the used bookstore. I felt like maybe I should pick up the Muslim holy book - they have it at the used bookstore; and maybe it would be a good idea to know the thinking behind all this hatred of Jesus and Christians.
I know at least one Muslim who hates Jesus - he WENT OFF on me when I tried to give him some candy with "The Amazing Life of Jesus". I know they are supposed to like him but... no.
Anyway, I "forgot" so I figured God didn't want me to do that. I did get more candy and zip top plastic bags. I go through HUNDREDS of the things. I called Ron (he had not had any alcohol yet) and asked if I should put "Scary Eyeball" gumballs into the driver candy. We agreed no. I don't want to freak out a driver as they are driving! I got the assortments I like instead; they have fruit chews, jawbreakers, gum, and fireballs.
I had planned to go home the way I normally do, but figured maybe a bunless burger would help with the mental fog. It didn't, but boy was it tasty.
I thought I could walk up to a shared bus stop. No sidewalk. I walked half a mile - it wasn't shared. Now I have to take 3 buses to get home, minimum.
While walking on the verge, a man turned on the sprinkler system and drenched me. Nice.
I decided to take a different route home. I don't normally go that way; but felt God wanted me to. I did and handed out several bags of candy.
A bus driver even waited as I ran from one stop to another. Very nice. I thanked him profusely as I gave him the candy. I was so glad I HAD candy to give!
It was a beautiful and quiet day; I feel like I did plenty of God work, and had a pretty good day myself. I just have to turn it over to Jesus! I can't carry my loads alone!
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