Wednesday morning

 I am engaged in a battle of wills with Biscuit.  

He has food in his bowl, and threw up some of what he did eat.  I don't want to feed him more.  He doesn't agree, he is 'Out" there is only 1/3 cup in his bowl.  We will see how that goes.  

He has a thing where he comes up next to me on the computer, puts his front paws on my leg with claws out.  It is not pleasant (oh!  He's going to eat!) and tears up my clothes.  My legs were bare this morning so he had raw skin.  I am not a fan of claws in skin.  Yup, he is eating.  I "won".  

I slept OK last night Ron didn't wake me up, depression either, just 8 hours ish.  Ron lost his blanket so was very happy to hear me in the bathroom so I could "save" him.  With things lately I made sure to give him the washable blanket.  

I got my shower, still battling depression.  I had 3 Diet Mountain Dews (16.9 ounce).  I suspect aspartame is a component in my depression but that's all I want to drink, diet soda and Crystal lights which are LOUSY with it.  

I will try to drink other things and see how that goes.  My Wellbutrin makes me very thirsty.  I am just ready to be done with the depression.  

Depression of course makes anxiety worse and I have worries about many things, the business, Ron's health, etc.  I worry I will get sick and he will have to go to a group home, which is a "thing".  Lots of things to worry about IF I LET IT.  But I can't do that.  

I need to plan, like when I am going to go back to Sam's Club, work, etc.  Will I take the bus and save $25 on transportation?  Things like that.  

But sitting there worried (or lying in bed at night, another one) freaking out about what might happen is off the table.  And now Torbie is lying on my foot BUT THEY HAVE FOOD.  I am not wasting food in a pandemic with my budget.  They will live.  I have noticed they do eat what is in the bowls when they get tired of begging.  

So, on a healthy note I will likely have a tuna salad with boiled egg and lots of mayo for lunch, when I eat at 11.  Plenty of healthy fats which I have found do help my mood.  No more aspartame today and I will see how that goes.  I need to be functional, and I am.  I could be better and I hope I will but I am OK right now.  

And Torbie is sharpening on the love seat.  That's OK I got my couches so they could be scratched up (really, no sarcasm).  I like a couch with some claw marks it says a cat is happy to live here.  It also means I bought some of the cheapest couches in the Ikea showroom.  And that is fine, they hold my butt up and are comfortable.  

And more anxiety "How to get Ron more active".  Well, he is ASLEEP now so not now!