Thursday, March 26, 2015


This intern was miles better than the last.  She beamed at me proudly.  "I can see you've got The Tremor!" she said excitedly. 

Yup.  Lithium causes a mild tremor, for me at least, in "proper" doses.  If my lithium's right I have the shakes.  9 years ago, just past diagnosis, I told God I was OK with it but I would like to "have fun" with crafts, etc.  I am still able to engage in fun activities, it just takes me a little longer.  Rarely my hands "get dumb" and don't function as well as I'd like - all totally normal and expected.  It certainly doesn't get in the way of work, typing, or the Bible Handouts. 

She continued, any symptoms?  Just the usual mixed episode, rapid cycling, psychotic feature stuff, and not that bad at that. 

Side effects?  The usual, nausea, vomiting, tremor, fatigue, dry mouth, unending thirst and urination.  The migraines, I added, were pretty bad. 

How bad? 

Out of the last three weeks I had at least 7 days of migraine.  She winced. 

I don't want narcotics, I told her, and tripitans make me manic.  They are also contraindicated (bad idea) for fat women in middle age with a family history of heart disease.  She nodded. 

I got on the scale, officially 30 pounds lost.  Doc came in and they discussed my case.  They both said they really liked having an "Informed and educated" patient who "understood her illness".  Well, if I don't understand it who will?  I don't want to be a slave to my chemistry.  I want to be the victor here, not the victim. 

Doc, upon hearing about the Bible Handouts, wanted a Bible.  I gave one each to him and his intern.  If she opens up a private practice with reasonable rates, I would love to be her patient. 

All done, got my prescriptions, off we go. 

Ron wanted to go home, instead of work as we'd planned.  It's a good thing we went home. 

I was about due to start my cycle.  Today I had unusually severe pain.  It was excruciating.  I wanted to die. 

I took one Aleve and went to bed.  Torbie climbed aboard and walked on my abdomen.  Normally I hate that, it's painful and uncomfortable, but it actually helped.  Cat accupressure, who'd have thought? 

I drowsed a little bit through the unending waves of pain.  I tried to curl up in a ball but found Biscuit and Gravy curled up at my feet.  They slept by my legs and feet, tangled together in a sweet ball, clearly hoping to make me better. 

Oh, God, I moaned to myself.  Make it stop.  I kept thinking about another Aleve (OK to take per bottle) and some ginger root.  I finally decided, why not?  I got up and took it.

Thank God it worked.  I got a very short nap (between the cramps and the neighbor's yard guy, just not a good day for a nap).

Ron and I went to Carl's Jr.  Our pickup was very late.  Ron called and asked if they could adjust the ride home.  The guy was apparently rather brusque.  Ron lost his temper and began shouting in that head injury fashion I've come to recognize.  He just goes from zero to 20, on a scale of 1-10.  I calmed him down, and he listened.  He thanked me later. 

I believe, when Ron "blows", I am the only one who can calm him down. 

We still had enough time to eat.   I took my pills - every day, like I told the doctors: Every day, as directed. 

Our ride came early but he was texting.  He couldn't leave until 5 minutes past the pickup time anyway. 

We had a straight ride home. 

Hopefully I get a good night's sleep tonight.  Those cramps were horrific. 

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