Sunday, March 8, 2015

That's not going to work

"I've been sitting here" I told Ron "For the last 10 minutes, wishing you were in the other room!"  

I'm pretty wrung out from all the headaches.  I woke up with a mild-to-moderate.  I took some generic Excedrin and did my God Time. 

I took my antidepressant at lunch, with everything else.  Talk about groggy! 

I had to help Ron with the accounting report.  I did. 

Later on he was talking, just the usual morbid depressing talk.  "Why does everything have to kill to eat?  God messed up..."  I tuned him out for a while, then I snapped. 

Why, I thought to myself, do I have to tune him out?  Why does he have to be so negative, all the time?

My Dad used to have a policy: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. 

I told Ron, when he talks like that, which is probably 80% of the time, I wish he was in the other room, or quiet.  That I tune him out rather than listen to the endless river of negativity. 

Ron objected.  He wasn't being negative, I was controlling him, he was just stating facts. 

I wasn't mad at him, he replied, I was mad at God.  

No, I'm not.  

Through this, I kept thinking "Well, the blog just got more interesting".

I hate that most of all: when Ron says I'm mad at God. 

1.  I'm not mad.  I am just frustrated and tired of Ron's negativity. 
2.  I understand Ron is so negative because he battles his own depression, however, it is his responsibility to manage it responsibly.   
3.  Don't attack my faith; ever.  Don't tell me what to think or feel regarding my God.  Don't even go there. 

You may have wondered if I have any boundaries at all: there's one.  The cats are another. 

Anyway, Ron got "another" drink - that's one thing I hate, if we argue, he drinks more.  I used to be afraid to bring up any issues because it would "make him drink", have a blackout, and get verbally abusive. 

Holding your wife hostage?  Not cool!  Ever.  I can't think of anything sadder than that line - I was afraid to bring up an issue with him, because... 

Disgusting. 

I assure you of this, the Bible tells a husband to value and respect his wife, not demean, belittle, wage emotional warfare, etc. 

I told Ron "It's not even what you say, so much as it is the tone."  That escalated quickly.  No I'm not, yes you are.  I finally dropped it and reminded him when he talks "like that, I feel very tired, I want it to stop, I wish you were in the other room, and I don't want you around.  If you felt that way about me I would want to know it."

He didn't receive it, but he heard it.  He told me once he didn't want me to stay out of a sense of duty.  I assume this was covered under that statement.

I wouldn't want someone to think "Oh, God, there she goes again.  I wish she would shut up.  Doesn't she have anything nice to say?"  I tune him out, a lot.   He gets so ugly when I call him on it and ask him to stop, usually resorting to "You should be mad at God instead". 

That is "bad" in a relationship, tuning someone out.  I get that, but everything that comes out his mouth is doom, gloom, negative, bitching at God and His plan for things.  I don't know how else to convey it.  Unless, of course, we are talking about work or the cats.  He is pretty positive for those.

I'm just trying to cope as best I can.  Yes, we truly, desperately, need some good Christian counseling.  I tried that back in 2005 and Ron actually got worse.  The therapist was an alcoholic, talked about it, and completely "sided" with Ron on everything.  He couldn't even see I was bipolar, and boy was I "activated".

AGH!   

The one pastor I trust to help, has said, "You don't need mental illness medication" - repeatedly, to the congregation. 

That's not going to work. 


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