Sunday, March 15, 2015

I know my unreached readers don't believe in the devil, or spiritual warfare.  However I sure did last night.  For whatever reason, the dog next door was going crazy, barking madly.  Her owners weren't even home to be disturbed.  It was a good 4 hours of barking, when I needed to sleep.  Very tiring. 

I lay in bed, Biscuit sleeping by my leg, praying and asking God to put good thoughts in my head.  I did not have good thoughts, toward the dog or the neighbors.  I just don't understand people who buy a "yard dog" and ignore it except at feeding time.  I had other thoughts. 

I finally just said "God, you're going to have to clean out my head and fill it with good thoughts, or at least empathy, for the dog."  Normally it is very quiet.

I lay there comparing Biscuit to the dog.  The dog was out by herself, at night, never (apparently) allowed in the house because (I assume) they are too lazy to potty-train her, no real human interaction.  Biscuit has a kitty condo, playmates, toys, 4 litter boxes, and plenty of human attention.  In fact, he was sleeping on me, snoring gently as I petted him.  

Poor Biscuit.  I tried a new drink mix (that's the only thing I can think of) and farted horribly, nasty, toxic, gas explosions, all night long.  It was VILE.  If it bothered me, it must have been horrific for poor Biscuit, and Torbie, who had joined him on my other side.  I didn't have any cramps, just the gas, but boy that was plenty. 

I did eventually get to sleep and got about 5 hours of sleep.  I do wish the neighbors understood,  your front door is very near my bedroom, please don't slam it at night.  [sigh]   It's ugly, anyway.  They have a fake redwood composite door and the house is pink brick.  Ick. 

Then I remind myself there are "lots worse" neighbors out there.  I could have some older white lady meddling in my business and calling adult protective services because she saw Ron on the porch "by himself"; loud people with shouting, ignorant dramas; people who didn't respect my privacy (the current ones are OK in that regard, lately), etc. 

I woke up, far too early it seemed.  However, I had bought some Diet Dr Pepper at Foodarama.  That made things better, I felt.  I took my shower, and did my God Time later. 

We went to church.  We had a good ride and got there half an hour before services.  I had time to interact with other people, but Ron didn't have to wait "forever".  The pastor had a good sermon on 1 Peter 3:8-10.  Forgiving one's enemies, and loving them. 

"I have a feeling" I told Ron "We're going to see [the man who ran over you] in the near future."  As you can imagine, I'm fighting the battle on that guy.  I like to tell people I am moving forward. 

I've gone from:
Wanting to kill him
Wanting to beat him with a pipe
Wanting to scream at him for "ruining our lives"
To wanting him to just leave us alone. 

I know that is God working in me, because there's no way I could have gotten past step 1 or 2 on my own.  That's all God. 

Like I say, anything good you see in me is God.  I just ask Him to help, and try to follow orders. 

I find it a huge compliment when Ron says I am [God's] Good Soldier. 

Speaking of, I am intrigued with a new Handout idea: Bissonnet.  It is a terrible area with gangs, prostitutes, and drug dealing.  I need to do some research but once I get that down I want to do a Handout. 

If I believe we are living in the end times (I do), and I believe unsaved people are going to hell (I do), then I should be out there busting my ass to reach as many people as possible. 

Pray God I am. 

Oh, and if you pray please ask God for a good night's sleep tonight.  I managed to catch a nap today but I'm still pretty wiped out. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

that man cycles in your life like a bad penny. Why would you not want to see someone and get help on a constant basis I wonder

so sad the state of how we think about mental health in this country

Heather you really could do wonders for science with that brain of yours!

congrats on the milestone we have followed you from the start and we are still "unreached" and will remain that way, honestly? we are really good folks as well ;)

We love your dedication to just do things in life, wish we could see more of your creative gardening and crocheting highs.

Hate the battle with Ron, so honestly we follow what you call your "boring posts" and skip the drama.

we love you and love to read your posts.

and we are very sorry about the state of mental health in our country.

I wish you and Ron had a regular counselor or social worker to help you through tough patches.

there are sincere people out there who want to help folks like you, who are functioning in society on a shoestring doing well and trying to not make a huge negative impact.

we need to support folks like you

But Ron is dwindling and I think you could be more comfortable and less paranoid with a better shrink

sorry but you encourage a say it like it is and from one crazy to another

you can and should be able to do better with your meds and cycles right now

OOOXXX good luck and know
even the strongest of us needs help and direction and right now you and Ron need help and direction

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