Monday, March 9, 2015

I'm not a hero

I've seen a LOT of traffic on my handout posts, and my hit count is through the roof.  I'm flattered, and honored, but I worry.

Don't think I'm some kind of hero, doing something you can't.  Don't see me as a special, spiritual, person.  I just throw my troubles on Jesus.

I asked Him to use me and He put it in my head.  First Handout

I'm a selfish, vile, petty, paranoid, self-pitying POS.  If you see anything good in me: that's God.  I am, quite literally, psychotic.  I battle horrific impulses to self-harm every day of the year.  I don't have a single day of peace in my head.  Some days I'm so depressed I can't even shower. 

It's a battle, every day.

What gets me going out on the corner with the Free Bibles sign?

I know others are hurting too.  I also pray and ask God to give me a heart for the unreached.  I literally feel their pain.

As bad as things get for me, I at least have my faith, the great beyond is going to be a heck of a lot better than my current life.  God has promised to "Make all things new" (Revelation 21:5).  I have this.  I have a loving God who died for me.

All my troubles and trials are getting flushed.  

Other people are also battling the horrible impulses for self harm, abusive situations, suicidal depressions, bad love, drug and alcohol addiction, money problems, love problems, kid problems, job problems... all of that without God.  Someone, out there, is having the worst day of their life right now and that makes me cry.  

I have one thing of value: my faith.  I want to share that.   Someone out there is begging God to Please show me You care.  

I aim to answer that.

I have two songs I would consider "Mine" for the Handouts.

If you don't like rap turn off the volume and read the lyrics.  I think they say it all.  :)  

No comments:

A trip to the hematologist

I slept OK but woke up really tired.  I hit the snooze alarm a few times, much to Biscuit's disgust.  But I'm getting ahead of mys...