Guinea Pig

While scrolling around Facebook, I noticed a sidebar ad: clinical trial for schizophrenia.  No way.  No way ever.  No way would I ever put an experiemental medication into my body. 

Now, I have a family member.  They have done clinical trials (not for that), and thought it was a lot of fun.  I have been strongly encouraged by this person to try whatever clinical trial comes along for bipolar, in Houston. 

No way.  No way ever.  It took me years to get to this point. 

Here's a good example, one the long timers will recognize.  The neighbor parked his truck in front of our house, slightly blocking our driveway.  Old Heather would have gone "buggo", to quote my husband.  I would have unleashed an angry tirade on the driver, called the police, and taken the war to the bloody end. 

I would have spent hours fuming, come on, guys, you're read a million posts on the subject.  I would not let it go. 

Today, we came home, and it was the driver with all the invective, I just sighed and said "They're having a party, Ron."  The driver rolled down his window and cursed the guy, shouting "Why don't you move?  He disabled!" 

I just got Ron up the driveway and figured, well, party time tonight.  I can crank my gospel rap without worrying about distubing anyone.  If they have loud spanish music - I have B-Shoc - I just found him today.  Love his work.  I can blast away, they blast away, everyone's happy. 

He's not the only one having a party! 

That's how I approach it now - instead of waging a bitter vendetta, I have my own party - because my meds are right.  That is a precious thing for me. 

I love being this person.  I can overlook "insults".  If Ron says something inappropriate, I just laugh and say "He has a head injury" - Ron chimes in "My filter's broke - whatever I think comes out my mouth." 

Yeah, I still get depressed.  I'd probably get a nasty depression if I won the lotto.  That's not going away until God comes back and restores my mind, no matter how many pills I take or what's going on in my life. 

I'm OK with that. 

I'm not OK with being a guinea pig.  We have enough problems in this house already.