A nice cuddle, at least

Today was a humbling experience and taught me a lot about myself.  I slept great, got up, and did my God Time.  Usually, during my God Time, I ask Him to help me work on my faults, hidden and known. 

For instance, pride is an issue for me.  I know that.  More on that later, in fact. 

It's interesting, my friend was worried about me "exposing" Ron - boy, if he'd only read some of the posts about me!  I don't hold back. 

So, we got to work.  There I am surrounded my machines *I* programmed, by locks *I* installed.  Ron is lucky to have me.  I stock everything, and it looks good.  I get the delivery and stocked it. 

We had a coin jam in the bottled drink vendor.  I prayed about it, disassembled it, and fixed the jam quickly.  Then I cleared out the error messages.  I felt like I could do anything after that.  It looked a lot like this.

Our new vending machine has a troublesome lock.  It is difficult to open and requires a separate key.  One of our repairman said "I can pick any lock but a Medeco".  The new lock is not a Medeco.  We use a t-handle cylinder. 

I thought, "I have time to fix this.  I am tired of this lock.  Ron's complained about it too."  I looked around at all the vending machines.  Of them all, I installed the locks on all of them, save one (the coffee machine).  Ron was in the bathroom. 

I went and got the extra medeco and the screwdriver.  I went to work.  Imagine my horror when I realized the door wouldn't lock at all now, and I couldn't remove the lock from the machine.  The lock mechanism (many parts) needs to be disassembled. 

You can imagine how much fun I had telling Ron.  He was, understandably, upset, and yelled at me.  No name calling, really.

I was pretty decent in my response at work.  I just told him "We need to take all the money out of the machine, remove the inventory, and tape the door shut.  That's all I can do today."  Ron called the repairman.  He could come out tomorrow. 

So, I got in there and removed the manual, change bank, money from the validator, and all product.  Then I shut the door and taped it shut.  That's all I can do for today. 

By then, it was about time to leave.  I took Ron out in the wheelchair. 

That's when things got ugly, on my end.  Ron was still upset.  He kept saying "Don't you ever touch my machines again!  You get permission before you touch anything." 

That's where I screwed up - and I always want to be honest about my faults.  I got sarcastic with him "What about stocking?  Do I have to get permission to stock?  What if there's a coin jam?  Sir, can I please fix the coin jam?"  Not my best moment. 

Sarcastic, bitter, and proud.  I did not like what I was seeing in myself, or my tendency to justify it by looking at Ron.  He has a major head injury.  I do not - yes, I have brain damage, but I have lived with this for 38 years.  He has not.

All things considered, he did pretty well.  He was very, very, upset but kept it pretty civil.  He didn't get verbally abusive. 

I ask God to work on my humility - boy, today did it.  It is very embarrassing to "wreck" a vending machine. Normally I can do many minor service tasks and machine programming. 

Not today. I guess God is showing me, I need to keep working on that pride.  And the sarcasm.  I didn't like who I was, at that moment. 

Once I had calmed down a little, I did, sincerely, apologize to Ron.  He accepted.  I didn't do it because I was worried he would *get* me, but because I regretted my actions. 

I have found this book to be very helpful in dealing with marriage issues.  One point the author makes: a flaw in your spouse will reveal your own flaws, as you respond. 

I have a tendency to put my back up, proud; get defensive; become bitter over past and present wrongs; and attack with sarcasm.  I need to work on that. 

I had a much better day once I got home.  Bubba, stretched in my bed.  Baby Girl, trotting around the house meowing cutely as she greeted us and investigated my lunch (cottage cheese, so I could take my lithium). 

I think my favorite part of the day - I wish I had a camera.  Bubba was completely hogging the center of my bed.  I tried to sleep between him and the edge.  That didn't work, it was too narrow for me.  So, I climbed out of bed, crawled across the bottom of the bed and up the other side, then laid down.  Bubba watched all of it silently.  After I laid down, he pressed his paws into my back and I fell asleep.  That was a nice cuddle. 

I sure hope tomorrow is better.