I have cbosen to share this

I have chosen to share this, so no one thinks I have an "easy" life. My illness is very well controlled by medication and some lifestyle habits. I make it a priority to take care of myself. I have a loving and supportive family.

However, at times my life is still painful. Before I really re-committed to spending time in God's Word and prayer, I complained. I would list every complaint in great detail. Sure, I had a "right" to it. Some of my burdens could crush me, if I let them.

I've looked at what's important. I don't think it contributes any value to name names or give identifying details. Many will figure it out on their own. But finger-pointing just puts me in a position where I am a self-righteous victim. I'm not a victim. I refuse to be a victim, so I've chosen to adjust my style accordingly.

Brother Yun talks about how the Devil, if not attacking you directly, will attack you through people close to you. That happens to me.

It makes me cry. Jesus talked about picking up our crosses to follow him. Paul talked about the "thorn" in his flesh. I can relate on both counts. I know God is using this relationship to build my faith in Him; to encourage my complete dependence on God. God is faithful; unlike others. God cherishes me every second of every day, for all eternity; even when others are screaming invective and curses at me. God values the time I spend with him, every single second. God respects and values me; especially when others don't.

What would I do without Him? Well, I already know that. I would have killed myself 20 years ago.

Please give me a strong back to carry my burdens, Lord. Fill me up with your love for others, and put Your thoughts in my head, Your love in my heart, and Your words in my mouth. Give me guidance, so I don't return evil for evil. Please convict this person of their treatment of me; I know You will. If it's Your will, please allow this to happen soon. I am sure they will be very "sorry" when You show them how badly and repeatedly they hurt me.

Please show them my value in Your eyes. Please teach me to respond as Jesus would, and keep me from lugging around an ever-growing sack of resentments, grudges, and accounts of wrongs.

Please give me a a strong back, to carry this burden, as I recall YOUR unfailing and unending love for me. Thank you!

Edited to remove details.