Friday morning

 Got to work OK on the bus, work was pretty uneventful but the app did log me out right before my lunch break.  That is a problem because I get stressed trying to log back in, my hands shake, I get anxious.  Let me tell you a lot of fervent prayers going up.  

I am embarrassed to admit that but I have committed to being real and transparent here.  So I got logged back in.  One time it kept me logged in for a month; if you want to pray for that I would be thrilled.  And good transportation, etc.  

So I got through work I can say now it wasn't terribly busy, but I did stay occupied.  It is really sad when you see cashiers wandering around arranging candy bars they are so bored.  But it did pick up around dinner.  

Apparently my store is one of the top producers according to what the manager said in the store meeting.  I was present and she also said they had w2's!  I thought they would mail them, but no, they don't, at least not at my store.  You go and ask at personnel.  So I did and got mine.  

I made about $9K last year, I would have thought it around 7.  I should qualify for some sort of tax credits and a bigger refund I hope, but we are still clearing out Ron's estate business; he got a payment from the blind vendors, some Social Security checks, etc.  The Go Fund Me does not count as taxable, or the various love offerings I got when Ron died (not that large according to IRS).  

I wish Dad had not told me what the other (step) kids make.  I was feeling fine that 2 did not send me anything, and one sent me I think $100 gift card, after Ron died.  Then he told me what they make (I did not ask) during a conversation and there goes the envy and resentment.  Let's just say the $100 was a drop in the bucket for them, and the one who made the most didn't send anything.  HARD not to be resentful.  But they don't owe me a damned thing.  They did like Ron (met him at a family reunion) I guess I am lucky to have that.  And I am sure it took them aback when he died and hopefully they held their loved ones a little closer.  But I need to let go of that it is a really awful thing to have in my heart.  

But, like I said, honesty.  

So I finished work and came home.  I need to get some more cat food I am thinking either look tonight, when I have a ride home, or Sunday, when I will also have a ride home.  I do have a good amount no one's going hungry, but it is a specialty food and I need to have it on hand.  Most of them could eat anything, and liked the "orange bag" adult Iams just fine.  But Biscuit can't eat that it has to be the magenta bag special Iams.  I just feed the same thing to everyone to prevent poaching.  

It is very difficult to feed 2 different foods to a group of cats, everyone eats the wrong thing.  It is very hard when you have kittens because the kitten food is so tasty, the adults want to eat it, the kittens want the adult food, etc.  And feeding them like this has worked for a couple years now.  But it means I go through about a pound a day.  

Worst case I will use Chewy.  I know they have it and I can get the large bags, they are more economical.  

So I came home, sent images of my w2 and a social security thing (like a w2 for social security) to my aunt so she has an idea of my income.  Dad is very curious so I sent him a copy of my w2 as well.  I don't care if he has my social because he is the one who applied for it, and probably has it on some paper around his house anyway.  So Dad got very excited and put it up on the big screen, looked at it.  We talked for about half an hour, he seemed to have more energy than he has had other nights.  We hung up and I took my shower.  

I didn't want to take my shower but 1.  I work at Walmart and 2.  I didn't want to take a shower in the morning.  I did that.  

I opened my mail and got the card!  I have been debating do I want to get an air fryer or rides, I think I will do rides/lunch money.  Air fryer will introduce a lot of fattening foods.  Ron always wanted to get me one, though.  But my aunt is moving and may not want hers, I will see.  If she gives it to me I will take it but she does use the toaster part of it on a regular basis.  So I am guessing it makes the cut.  

Then I went to bed.  I had pretty restless sleep but I may have figured it out; when I went to take my morning pills-of-the-week I only had one Wellbutrin in there.  I need to take 2; I must have made a mistake when filling the organizer.  Not having enough antidepressants on board would definitely do it, and I often don't pay attention when I take my pills.  So I took 2 and fixed the slots that only had 1, that may do it right there, I can hope!  

I am glad I did check.  I just won't be optimal on 75 mg.  I have been taking Wellbutrin for 13 years and I am happy with it.  I do get the dry mouth and some hand shakes out of it but other than that OK, and clearly I am OK to type.  

I have been taking the evening medication with me to work in a little vial with a screw on lid, it works very well.  Sometimes the capsule gets stuck in the vial but I have always been able to get it out.  

I am debating do I want to eat a green salad before work today because I need to eat it up; and I will not want to eat it tonight.  I will JUST get 7-8 hours of sleep if I talk to parents, take a shower, go to bed only.  Eating a salad takes time.  And if I do feel up for a salad later I can always have another.  I probably will.  I do wish I had a balsamic dressing though.  I tend to go for savory dressings.  

I did up about a dozen lunch bags with non perishable snacks on my day off and those have been good.  I didn't even eat all my snacks yesterday, didn't eat my fruit salad even, all I wanted on my last break was a soda.  Diet of course.  

That's it for now!