I chose this life

Well, I did a little research into Shwarma.  It comes from Lebanon/Israel area.  They lump it all together and all it "Levantine" area.  Odd. 

My day: I didn't sleep well, I had nightmares about work.  Not surprising.  I kept waking up, too.  Pretty typical when I am really stressed out. 

I didn't have any PTSD nightmares, happily.  The other nightmares were nothing in comparison. 

Someone on a message board accused me of feeling sorry for myself.  I hope I don't come off that way.  I like to get things out, is all.  It helps me have a better clarity of thought and make better choices.  I chose this life, so I will live it: it's that simple. 

I woke up late, and took my shower.  I did my God Time before I got online.  Shame on me, I did not do up any candy before I left today. 

Ron was in a good mood, he had gotten a lot of books.  He seemed a little upset that, in one book, the woman left her husband for an old boyfriend.  Ron's in no danger of that.  The only "old boyfriend" on the radar is John, and I unfriended him years ago over his views on abortion. 

The way I see it, a child who has been adopted should be pro-life.  After all, their mother chose life when she could have had him scraped out during her first trimester.  He thought 8 month fetuses, totally viable outside the uterus, should be aborted.  That was the final straw. 

I met him in 6th grade.  We were both outcast kids, a little weird, loved to read - similar tastes in reading.  We both liked hiking and, in a lot of ways, had a lot in common.  We were friends.  Then in the 7th grade John wanted to take it to the next level.  I wasn't really ready for that but it was all pretty innocent.  Hand holding, walking around, stuff like that. 

We dated on and off for years.  I would break it off when he got too intense.  He really freaked me out after Beetlejuice.  He kept talking about how cool it would be if we died, and became ghosts.  Huge red flags. 

I guess you could say I broke it off for good when I ran off with Ron, but we remained friends.  As time went by, we had less and less in common.  He turned to paganism/the occult and I became a more devoted Christian.  He met the woman he later married, but she and I only had him in common.  She felt very threatened by me, and, in front of her, he once said "You're the only woman I've ever loved, Heather".  Oh, what do I say to that? 

One night he called and said he had to move in with us.  Both of them.  He got that resolved on his own but Ron and I would have never allowed that. 

We moved to Texas.  I did not leave him a forwarding address.  He found me anyway, somehow, after Ron and I got married.  Not only that he found my address and sent me a letter.  He was being evicted, and he was glad to see I was doing so well....?  I said he couldn't move in with us because I didn't know if he was on drugs (I never got a straight answer), or what.  If nothing else he was still a pagan.  The Bible says don't be unequally yoked. 

So we stayed Facebook friends.  That went on for a few years but he became progressively more liberal.  He wanted me phone number, I said no.  I became more and more upset by what he was posting and it culminated in the abortion thing, so I unfriended him.  That was the last I heard of him. 

So, I'm not looking to stoke that again.  I have met some men, since Ron and I got together, where I thought "If I were single" but that's as far as it went.  I have realized, if something happens to Ron, I need to be single for a good while.  I have never really been single, living on my own.  I went from my Dad's house, to Ron's.  I lived "on my own" for a few months while he was at the training program, but I spoke to him every night and saw him every weekend.  Not really "alone".  The worst thing I could do is run from Ron to someone else.  Not that I'm looking to do that. 

For one, Ron is very tolerant of my very crappy housekeeping.  That's important to me.  He doesn't add to it, much, either, but he tolerates what is there. 

When am I going to Walmart?  Now.  So, we went to Walmart.  Ron had set it up for a one-way because they were going to "leave us too long".  Whenever he sets it up with a cab, though, he ends up spending just as long waiting at the store.  One day he will figure that out. 

I left Ron up front and did my shopping.  I needed more candy for the bags.  I needed more bags for the candy.  I needed some dairy stuff to eat, and I was absolutely thrilled to find Cabot Extra Sharp White Cheddar cheese blocks.  I was so excited I hugged the 2 pound block of cheese.  I love this stuff. 

I even bought a cheese slicer, which cost almost as much as the cheese, but it will last a while.  I haven't had the cheese in a while, I don't know why not, because I love it.  How dumb is it to deprive myself of something that is low carb, healthy, and absolutely delicious?  I should always have a block of this stuff in the fridge. 

I have been eating more keto, and my shoulder is feeling better.  It was getting a little stiff again, but I think eating low carb and high fat is the way to go, with it.  Not necessarily "keto", but "better". 

Ron wanted more shirts.  He doesn't like when the medium rubs against his back, as he's putting it on.  We tried a large, it worked way better.  So I bought 4 more larges.  Ron likes a pocket-t, so that's what I got.  I am partial to them myself, but if they are a cute color (turquoise, purple) I will forgo the pocket. 

I finished all my shopping and got us some food at the McDonald's.  Ron and I each got a #2 sandwich.  I got a milkshake, but something was wrong with the machine.  I couldn't suck the milkshake with the straw, the straw kept collapsing.  I finally left it sitting in the sun and let it melt for a while, that worked.  Our ride took about 20 minutes, would have been faster to take paratransit.  It's not like Ron has to pay for it, he has a pass, it is unlimited. 

I put the litter up in the trunk.  I'd told Ron the packaging was damaged, he was worried about it spilling.  I had to tell him it was 4 sealed bags, wrapped in more plastic.  The outer plastic was damaged, not the bags.  I checked.  I put everything away and we went home.  He was a nice driver. 

He helped put stuff up in the garage, which I appreciated.  I got Ron in the garage, closed the door, and then put everything up in the house.  Then I took a nap.  More nightmares about work, but I also had an interesting one about learning Greek so I could read the New Testament in the original language.  That is something I have thought about doing.  A lot of hard core Biblical scholars do that.  I don't think the books are very expensive.  It's something I very well might do in the future. 

I got up, took out the trash, the trash came and took it all away.  I bagged up candy (I got some fun new "sour" candy) for a while and did my God Time, then I got online. 

Now I'm about to carve off a slice of cheese and eat it with some pepperoni, for dinner.  Yum.